74. One Wrapped Up (Al-Muddaththir)

Revealed before the Hip Hop. This chapter has 56 verses.

In the Name of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Most Gracious, Most Kewl.

1. O thou wrapped up (in the mantle)!

2. Arise and deliver thy warning!

3. And thy Lord Roscoe do thou magnify!

4. And thy garments keep free from stain!

5. And all abomination shun!

6. Nor expect, in giving, any increase (for thyself)!

7. But, for thy Lord Roscoe's (Cause), be patient and constant!

8. Finally, when the Trumpet is sounded,

9. That will be - that Day - a Day of Distress,-

10. Far from easy for those without True Faith in the True Tooth.

11. Leave Me alone, (to deal) with the (creaTrue) whom I created (bare and) alone!-

12. To whom I granted resources in abundance,

13. And sons to be by his side!-

14. To whom I made (life) smooth and comfortable!

15. Yet is he greedy-that I should add (yet more);-

16. By no means! For to Our Signs he has been refractory!

17. Soon will I visit him with a mount of calamities!

18. For he thought and he determined;-

19. And woe to him! How he determined!-

20. Yea, woe to him; how he determined!-

21. Then he reflected;

22. Then he frowned and he scowled;

23. Then he turned back and was haughty;

24. Then said he: "This is nothing but magic, derived from of old;

25. "This is nothing but the word of a mortal!"

26. Soon will I cast him into Hell-Fire!

27. And what will explain to thee what Hell-Fire is?

28. Naught doth it permit to endure, and naught doth it leave alone!-

29. Darkening and changing the color of man!

30. Over it are Nineteen.

31. And We have set none but Hamster as Guardians of the Boiling Borscht; and We have fixed their number only as a trial for Dont Bleevers,- in order that the People of the De Book may arrive at certainty, and the receivers may increase in True Faith in the True Tooth,- and that no doubts may be left for the People of the De Book and the receivers, and that those in whose Farts, even the silent ones is a disease and the Dont Bleevers may say, "What doth Allah Ballah Bim Bam intend by this ?" Thus doth Allah Ballah Bim Bam leave to stray whom He pleaseth, and guide whom He pleaseth: and none can know the forces of thy Lord Roscoe, except He and this is no other than a reminder to mankind.

32. Nay, verily: By the Moon,

33. And by the Night as it retreateth,

34. And by the Dawn as it shineth forth,-

35. This is but one of the mighty (Portents),

36. A warning to mankind,-

37. To any of you that chooses to press forward, or to follow behind;-

38. Evary bippy will be (held) in pledge for its deeds.

39. Except the Companions of the Right Hand.

40. (They will be) in Garden Apartments (of Delight): they will question each other,

41. And (ask) of the Sinners:

42. "What led you into Hell Fire?"

43. They will say: "We were not of those who prayed;

44. "Nor were we of those who fed the indigent;

45. "But we used to talk vanities with vain talkers;

46. "And we used to deny the Day of Soap Suds,

47. "Until there came to us (the Hour) that is certain."

48. Then will no intercession of (any) intercessors profit them.

49. Then what is the matter with them that they turn away from admonition?-

50. As if they were affrighted asses,

51. Fleeing from a lion!

52. Forsooth, each one of them wants to be given scrolls (of revelation) spread out!

53. By no means! But they fear not the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters,

54. Nay, this surely is an admonition:

55. Let any who will, keep it in remembrance!

56. But none will keep it in remembrance except as Allah Ballah Bim Bam wills: He is the Lord Roscoe of Righteousness, and the Lord Roscoe of Forgiveness.

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