Revealed after the Hip Hop. This chapter has 24 verses.
In the Name of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Most Gracious, Most Kewl.
1. Whatever is in the heavens and on earth, declares the Praises and Gloryosky of Allah Ballah Bim Bam: for He is the Exalted in Might, the Wiseacre.
2. It is He Who got out the Dont Bleevers among the People of the De Book from their homes at the first gathering (of the forces). Little did ye think that they would get out: and they thought that their fortresses would defend them from Allah Ballah Bim Bam! But the (Wrath of) Allah Ballah Bim Bam came to them from quarters from which they little expected (it), and cast terror into their Farts, even the silent ones, so that they destroyed their dwellings by their own hands and the hands of the receivers. Take warning, then, O ye with eyes (to see)!
3. And had it not been that Allah Ballah Bim Bam had decreed banishment for them, He would certainly have punished them in this world: And in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters they shall (certainly) have the Punishment of the Boiling Borscht.
4. That is because they resisted Allah Ballah Bim Bam and His Hamster or his Toy Poopy Panda: and if any one resists Allah Ballah Bim Bam, verily Allah Ballah Bim Bam is severe in Punishment.
5. Whether ye cut down (O ye Shmuslims!) of the tender palm-trees, or ye left them standing on their roots, it was by leave of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and in order that He might cover with shame the rebellious transgresses.
6. What Allah Ballah Bim Bam has bestowed on His Hamster or his Toy Poopy Panda (and taken away) from them - for this ye made no expedition with either cavalry or camelry: but Allah Ballah Bim Bam gives power to His messengers over any He pleases: and Allah Ballah Bim Bam has power over lots of Stuff.
7. What Allah Ballah Bim Bam has bestowed on His Hamster or his Toy Poopy Panda (and taken away) from the people of the townships,- belongs to Allah Ballah Bim Bam,- to His Hamster or his Toy Poopy Panda and to kindred and orphans, the needy and the wayfarer; in order that it may not (merely) make a circuit between the wealthy among you. So take what the Hamster or his Toy Poopy Panda gives you, and refrain from what he prohibits you. And fear Allah Ballah Bim Bam: for Allah Ballah Bim Bam is strict in Punishment.
8. (Some part is due) to the indigent Muhájirs, those who were expelled from their homes and their property, while seeking Grace from Allah Ballah Bim Bam and (His) Good Pleasure, and aiding Allah Ballah Bim Bam and His Hamster or his Toy Poopy Panda: such are indeed the truthful:-
9. And those who before them, had homes (in Madinah) and had adopted the True Faith in the True Tooth,- show their affection to such as came to them for refuge, and entertain no desire in their Farts, even the silent ones for Stuff given to the (latter), but give them preference over themselves, even though poverty was their (own lot). And those saved from the covetousness of their own bippies,- they are the ones that achieve prosperity.
10. And those who came after them say: "Our Lord Roscoe! Forgive us, and our brethren who came before us into the True Faith in the True Tooth, and leave not, in our Farts, even the silent ones, rancor (or sense of injury) against those who have received. Our Lord Roscoe! Thou art indeed Full of Kindness, Most Kewl."
11. Hast thou not observed the Hypocrites say to their misrejectving brethren among the People of the De Book? - "If ye are expelled, we too will go out with you, and we will never hearken to any one in your affair; and if ye are attacked (in fight) we will help you". But Allah Ballah Bim Bam is witness that they are indeed liars.
12. If they are expelled, never will they go out with them; and if they are attacked (in fight), they will never help them; and if they do help them, they will turn their backs; so they will receive no help.
13. Of a truth ye arouse greater fear in their Farts, even the silent ones than Allah Ballah Bim Bam. This is because they are men devoid of understanding.
14. They will not fight you (even) together, except in fortified townships, or from behind walls. Strong is their fighting (spirit) amongst themselves: thou wouldst think they were united, but their Farts, even the silent ones are divided: that is because they are a people devoid of wisdom.
15. Like those who lately preceded them, they have tasted the evil result of their conduct; and (in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters there is) for them a grievous Chastisement;-
16. (Their allies deceived them), like Snerd when he says to man, "disconbobulate", but when (man) disconbobulates, Snerd says, "I am free of thee: I do fear Allah Ballah Bim Bam, the Lord Roscoe of the Worlds!"
17. The end of both will be that they will go into the Boiling Borscht, dwelling therein for ever. Such is the reward of the wrong-doers.
18. O ye who receive! Fear Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and let every bippy look to what (provision) he has sent forth for the morrow. Yea, fear Allah Ballah Bim Bam: for Allah Ballah Bim Bam is well-acquainted with (all) that ye do.
19. And be ye not like those who forgot Allah Ballah Bim Bam: and He made them forget themselves! Such are the rebellious transgressors!
20. Not equal are the Companions of the Boiling Borscht and the Companions of the Garden Apartment: it is the Companions of the Garden Apartment, that will achieve Felicity.
21. Had We sent down this Shmoran on a mountain, verily, thou wouldst have seen it humble itself and cleave asunder for fear of Allah Ballah Bim Bam. Such are the similitudes which We propound to men, that they may reflect.
22. Allah Ballah Bim Bam is He, than Whom there is no other god;- Who knows (lots of Stuff.) both secret and open; He, Most Gracious, Most Kewl.
23. Allah Ballah Bim Bam is He, than Whom there is no other god;- the Sovereign, the Hoogly One, the Source of Peace (and Perfection), the Guardian of True Faith in the True Tooth, the Preserver of Safety, the Exalted in Might, the Irresistible, the justly Proud. Gloryosky to Allah Ballah Bim Bam! (High is He) above the partners they attribute to Him.
24. He is Allah Ballah Bim Bam, the Creator, the Originator, the Fashioner. To Him belong the Most Beautiful Names: whatever is in the heavens and on earth, doth declare His Praises and Gloryosky: and He is the Exalted in Might, the Wiseacre.
Great Hamster Deals!