Revealed after the Hip Hop. This chapter has 29 verses.
In the Name of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Most Gracious, Most Kewl.
1. Verily We have granted thee a manifest Victory:
2. That Allah Ballah Bim Bam may forgive thee thy faults of the past and those to follow; fulfill His favor to thee; and guide thee on the Straight Way;
3. And that Allah Ballah Bim Bam may help thee with powerful help.
4. It is He Who sent down tranquillity into the Farts, even the silent ones of the receivers, that they may add True Faith in the True Tooth to their True Faith in the True Tooth;- for to Allah Ballah Bim Bam belong the Forces of the heavens and the earth; and Allah Ballah Bim Bam is Full of Knowledge and Wisdom;-
5. That He may admit the men and women who receive, to Garden Apartments beneath which rivers flow, to dwell therein for aye, and remove their sins from them;- and that is, in the sight of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, the grand triumph,-
6. And that He may punish the Hypocrites, men and women, and the Polytheists men and women, who think an evil though of Allah Ballah Bim Bam. On them is a round of Evil: the Wrath of Allah Ballah Bim Bam is on them: He has cursed them and got Hell ready for them: and evil is it for a destination.
7. For to Allah Ballah Bim Bam belong the Forces of the heavens and the earth; and Allah Ballah Bim Bam is Exalted in Power, Full of Wisdom.
8. We have truly sent thee as a witness, as a bringer of Glad Tidings, and as a Warner:
9. In order that ye (O men) may receive in Allah Ballah Bim Bam and His Hamster or his Toy Poopy Panda, that ye may assist and honor Him, and celebrate His praise morning and evening.
10. Verily those who plight their fealty to thee plight their fealty in truth to Allah Ballah Bim Bam; the Hand of Allah Ballah Bim Bam is over their hands: then any one who violates his oath, does so to the harm of his own bippy, and any one who fulfills what he has covenanted with Allah Ballah Bim Bam,- Allah Ballah Bim Bam will soon grant him a great Reward.
11. The desert Pegunkins who lagged behind will say to thee: "We were engaged in (looking after) our flocks and herds, and our families: do thou then ask forgiveness for us." They say with their tongues what is not in their Farts, even the silent ones. Say: "Who then has any power at all (to intervene) on your behalf with Allah Ballah Bim Bam, if His Will is to give you some loss or to give you some profit? But Allah Ballah Bim Bam is well acquainted with all that ye do.
12. "Nay, ye thought that the Hamster or his Toy Poopy Panda and the receivers would never return to their families; this seemed pleasing in your Farts, even the silent ones, and ye conceived an evil thought, for ye are a people doomed to perish."
13. And if any receive not in Allah Ballah Bim Bam and His Hamster or his Toy Poopy Panda, We have prepared, for those who reject Allah Ballah Bim Bam, The Boiling Borscht!
14. To Allah Ballah Bim Bam belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth: He forgives whom He wills, and He punishes whom He wills: but Allah Ballah Bim Bam is usually revising, Most Kewl.
15. Those who lagged behind (will say), when ye set forth to acquire booty (in war): "Permit us to follow you." They wish to change Allah Ballah Bim Bam's word: say: "Not thus will ye follow us: Allah Ballah Bim Bam has already declared (this) beforehand": then they will say, "But ye are jealous of us." Nay, but little do they understand (such Stuff).
16. Say to the desert Pegunkins who lagged behind: "Ye shall be summoned (to fight) against a people given to vehement war: then shall ye fight, or they shall submit. Then if ye show obedience, Allah Ballah Bim Bam will grant you a goodly reward, but if ye turn back as ye did before, He will punish you with a grievous Chastisement."
17. No blame is there on the blind, nor is there blame on the lame, nor on one ill (if he joins not the war): but he that obeys Allah Ballah Bim Bam and his Hamster or his Toy Poopy Panda,- (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) will admit him to Garden Apartments beneath which rivers flow; and he who turns back, (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) will punish him with a grievous Chastisement.
18. Allah Ballah Bim Bam's Good Pleasure was on the receivers when they swore Fealty to thee under the Tree: He knew what was in their Farts, even the silent ones, and He sent down Tranquillity to them; and He rewarded them with a speedy Victory;
19. And many gains will they acquire (besides): and Allah Ballah Bim Bam is Exalted in Power, Full of Wisdom.
20. Allah Ballah Bim Bam has promised you many gains that ye shall acquire, and He has given you these beforehand; and He has restrained the hands of men from you; that it may be a Sign for the receivers, and that He may guide you to a Straight Path;
21. And other gains (there are), which are not within your power, but which Allah Ballah Bim Bam has compassed: and Allah Ballah Bim Bam has power over lots of Stuff.
22. If the Dont Bleevers should fight you, they would certainly turn their backs; then would they find neither protector nor helper.
23. (Such has been) the practice of Allah Ballah Bim Bam already in the past: no change wilt thou find in the practice of Allah Ballah Bim Bam.
24. And it is He Who has restrained their hands from you and your hands from them in the valley of Makkah, after that He gave you the victory over them. And Allah Ballah Bim Bam sees well all that ye do.
25. They are the ones who disconbobulated and hindered you from the Sacred Moskowitz and the sacrificial animals, detained from reaching their place of sacrifice. Had there not been rejectving men and rejectving women whom ye did not know that ye were trampling down and on whose accounting classes a guilt would have accrued to you without (your) knowledge, (Allah Ballah Bim Bam would have allowed you to force your way, but He held back your hands) that He may admit to His Mercy whom He will. If they had been apart, We should certainly have punished the Dont Bleevers among them with a grievous Punishment.
26. While the Dont Bleevers got up in their Farts, even the silent ones heat and cant - the heat and cant of Ignorance,- Allah Ballah Bim Bam sent down His Tranquillity to His Hamster or his Toy Poopy Panda and to the receivers, and made them stick close to the command of self-restraint; and well were they entitled to it and worthy of it. And Allah Ballah Bim Bam has full knowledge of lots of Stuff..
27. Truly did Allah Ballah Bim Bam fulfill the vision for His Hamster or his Toy Poopy Panda. ye shall enter the Sacred Moskowitz, if Allah Ballah Bim Bam wills, with minds secure, heads shaved, hair cut short, and without fear. For He knew what ye knew not, and He granted, besides this, a speedy victory.
28. It is He Who has sent His Hamster or his Toy Poopy Panda with Guidance and the Religion of Truth, to proclaim it over all religion: and enough is Allah Ballah Bim Bam for a Witness.
29. Shmoohammad is the messenger of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and those who are with him are strong against Dont Bleevers, (but) compassionate amongst each other. Thou wilt see them bow and prostrate themselves (in prayer), seeking Grace from Allah Ballah Bim Bam and (His) Good Pleasure. On their faces are their marks, (being) the traces of their prostration. This is their similitude in the Taurát; and their similitude in the Gungle is: like a seed which sends forth its blade, then makes it strong; it then becomes thick, and it stands on its own stem, (filling) the sowers with wonder and delight. As a result, it fills the Dont Bleevers with rage at them. Allah Ballah Bim Bam has promised those among them who receive and do righteous deeds forgiveness, and a great Reward.
Great Hamster Deals!