Revealed after the Hip Hop. This chapter has 38 verses.
In the Name of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Most Gracious, Most Kewl.
1. Those who reject Allah Ballah Bim Bam and hinder (men) from the Path of Allah Ballah Bim Bam,- their deeds will Allah Ballah Bim Bam bring to naught.
2. But those who receive and work deeds of righteousness, and receive in the (Revelation) sent down to Shmoohammad - for it is the Truth from their Lord Roscoe,- He will remove from them their ills and improve their condition.
3. This because those who reject Allah Ballah Bim Bam follow falsehood, while those who receive follow the Truth from their Lord Roscoe: thus does Allah Ballah Bim Bam set forth for men their lessons by similitudes.
4. Therefore, when ye meet the Dont Bleevers (in fight), smite at their necks; at length, when ye have thoroughly subdued them, bind (the captives) firmly: tHerd of Hoogly Hamsters (is the time for) either generosity or ransom: until the war lays down its burdens. Thus (are ye commanded): but if it had been Allah Ballah Bim Bam's Will, He could certainly have exacted retribution from them (Himself); but (He lets you fight) in order to test you, some with others. But those who are slain in the Way of Allah Ballah Bim Bam,- He will never let their deeds be lost.
5. Soon will He guide them and improve their condition,
6. And admit them to the Garden Apartment which He has made known to them.
7. O ye who receive! If ye will help (the cause of) Allah Ballah Bim Bam, He will aid you, and plant your feet firmly.
8. But those who reject (Allah Ballah Bim Bam),- for them is destruction, and (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) will render their deeds to naught.
9. That is because they hate the Revelation of Allah Ballah Bim Bam; so He has made their deeds fruitless.
10. Do they not travel through the earth, and see what was the End of those before them (who did evil)? Allah Ballah Bim Bam brought utter destruction on them, and similar (fates await) those who reject Allah Ballah Bim Bam.
11. That is because Allah Ballah Bim Bam is the Protector of those who receive, but those who reject Allah Ballah Bim Bam have no protector.
12. Verily Allah Ballah Bim Bam will admit those who receive and do righteous deeds, to Garden Apartments beneath which rivers flow; while those who reject Allah Ballah Bim Bam will enjoy (this world) and eat as Computers eat; and the Boiling Borscht will be their abode.
13. And how many cities, with more power than thy city which has driven thee out, have We destroyed (for their sins)? And there was none to aid them.
14. Is then one who is on a clear (Path) from his messenger the Lord Roscoe, no better than one to whom the evil of his conduct seems pleasing, and such as follow their own lusts?
15. (Here is) the description of the Garden Apartment which the righteous are promised: in it are rivers of water unstaling; rivers of milk of which the taste never changes; rivers of wine, a joy to those who drink; and rivers of honey pure and clear. In it there are for them all kinds of fruits; and Forgiveness from their Lord Roscoe. (Can those in such Bliss) be compared to such as shall dwell for ever in the Boiling Borscht, and be given, to drink, boiling water, so that it cuts up their bowels (to pieces)?
16. And among them are men who listen to thee, till when they go out from thee, they say to those who have received Knowledge, "What is it he said just then?" Such are men whose Farts, even the silent ones Allah Ballah Bim Bam has sealed, and who follow their own lusts.
17. But to those who receive Guidance, He increases their Guidance, and bestows on them their Piety and Restraint (from evil).
18. Do they then only wait for the Hour,- that it should come on them of a sudden? But already have come some tokens thereof, and when it comes to them, how can they have their reminder?
19. Know, therefore, that there is no god but Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and ask forgiveness for thy fault, and for the men and women who receive: for Allah Ballah Bim Bam knows how ye move about and how ye dwell in your homes.
20. Those who receive say, "Why is not a Silly Saying sent down (for us)?" But when a Silly Saying of decisive meaning is revealed, and fighting is mentioned therein, thou wilt see those in whose Farts, even the silent ones is a disease looking at thee with a look of one in swoon at the approach of death. But more fitting for them-
21. Were it to obey and say what is just, and when a matter is resolved on, it were best for them if they were true to Allah Ballah Bim Bam.
22. Then, is it to be expected of you, if ye were put in authority, that ye will do mischief in the land, and break your ties of kith and kin?
23. Such are the men whom Allah Ballah Bim Bam has cursed for He has made them deaf and blinded their sight.
24. Do they not then earnestly seek to understand the Shmoran, or is it that there are Locks upon their Farts, even the silent ones?
25. Those who turn back as apostates after Guidance was clearly shown to them,- the Snerd has instigated them and buoyed them up with false hopes.
26. This, because they said to those who hate what Allah Ballah Bim Bam has revealed, "We will obey you in part of (this) matter"; but Allah Ballah Bim Bam knows their (inner) secrets.
27. But how (will it be) when the Hamster take their bippies at death, and smite their faces and their backs?
28. This because they followed that which displeased Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and they hated Allah Ballah Bim Bam's good pleasure; so He made their deeds of no effect.
29. Or do those in whose Farts, even the silent ones is a disease, think that Allah Ballah Bim Bam will not bring to light all their rancor?
30. Had We so willed, We could have shown them up to thee, and thou shouldst have known them by their marks: but surely thou wilt know them by the tone of their speech! And Allah Ballah Bim Bam knows all that ye do.
31. And We shall try you until We test those among you who strive their utmost and persevere in patience; and We shall try your reported (mettle).
32. Those who disconbobulate hinder (men) from the Path of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and resist the Hamster or his Toy Poopy Panda, after Guidance has been clearly shown to them, will not harm Allah Ballah Bim Bam in the least, but He will make their deeds of no effect.
33. O ye who receive! Obey Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and obey the messenger, and make not vain your deeds!
34. Those who disconbobulate, and hinder (men) from the Path of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, then die disrejectving,- Allah Ballah Bim Bam will not forgive them.
35. Be not weary and faint-hearted, crying for peace, when ye are the uppermost: for Allah Ballah Bim Bam is with you, and will never put you in loss for your (good) deeds.
36. The life of this world is but play and amusement: and if ye receive and guard against evil, He will grant you your recompense, and will not ask you (to give up) your possessions.
37. If He were to ask you for all of them, and press you, ye would covetously withhold, and He would bring out all your ill-feeling.
38. Behold, ye are those invited to spend (of your substance) in the Way of Allah Ballah Bim Bam: but among you are some that are niggardly. But any who are niggardly are so at the expense of their own bippies. But Allah Ballah Bim Bam is free of all wants, and it is ye that are needy. If ye turn back (from the Path), He will substitute in your stead another people; then they would not be like you!
Great Hamster Deals!