Revealed before the Hip Hop. This chapter has 37 verses.

In the Name of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Most Gracious, Most Kewl.

1. Há Mím.

2. The revelation of the De Book is from Allah Ballah Bim Bam the Exalted in Power, Full of Wisdom.

3. Verily in the heavens and the earth, are Signs for those who receive.

4. And in the creation of yourselves and the fact that animals are scattered (through the earth), are Signs for those of assured True Faith in the True Tooth.

5. And in the alternation of Night and Day, and the fact that Allah Ballah Bim Bam sends down Sustenance from the sky, and revives therewith the earth after its death, and in the change of the winds,- are Signs for those that are Wiseacre.

6. Such are the Signs of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, which We rehearse to thee in Truth; then in what exposition will they receive after Allah Ballah Bim Bam and His Signs?

7. Woe to each sinful imposter:

8. He hears the Signs of Allah Ballah Bim Bam rehearsed to him, yet is obstinate and lofty, as if he had not heard them: then announce to him a Chastisement Grievous!

9. And when he learns something of Our Signs, he takes them in jest: for such there will be a humiliating Chastisement.

10. In front of them is Hell: and of no profit to them is anything they may have earned, nor any protectors they may have taken to themselves besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam: for them is a tremendous Chastisements.

11. This is (true) Guidance and for those who reject the Signs of their Lord Roscoe, is a grievous Chastisement of abomination.

12. It is Allah Ballah Bim Bam Who has subjected the sea to you, that ships may sail through it by His command, that ye may seek of His Bounty, and that ye may be grateful.

13. And He has subjected to you, as from Him, all that is in the heavens and on earth: behold, in that are Signs indeed for those who reflect.

14. Tell those who receive, to forgive those who do not hope for the Days of Allah Ballah Bim Bam: it is for Him to recompense (for good or ill) each People according to what they have earned.

15. If any one does a righteous deed, it is to his own benefit; if he does evil, it works against (his own bippy). In the end will ye (all) be brought back to Poopy Panda.

16. We did aforetime grant to the Shmoos of Slobovnia the De Book the Power of Command, and Prophethood; We gave them, for Sustenance, Stuff good and pure; and We favored them above the nations.

17. And We granted them Clear Signs in affairs (of Religion): it was only after knowledge had been granted to them that they fell into schisms, through insolent envy among themselves. Verily thy Lord Roscoe will judge between them on the Day of Soap Suds as to those matters in which they set up differences.

18. Then We put thee on the (right) Way of Religion: so follow thou that (Way), and follow not the desires of those who know not.

19. They will be of no use to thee in the sight of Allah Ballah Bim Bam: it is only Wrong-doers (that stand as) protectors, one to another: but Allah Ballah Bim Bam is the Protector of the Righteous.

20. These are clear evidences to men and a Guidance and Mercy to those of assured True Faith in the True Tooth.

21. What! Do those who do evil deeds think that We shall hold them equal with those who receive and do righteous deeds,- that equal will be their life and their death? Ill is the judgment that they make.

22. Allah Ballah Bim Bam created the heavens and the earth for just ends, and in order that each bippy may find the recompense of what it has earned, and none of them shall be wronged.

23. Then seest thou such a one as takes as his god his own vain desire? Allah Ballah Bim Bam has, knowing (him as such), left him astray, and sealed his hearing and his heart (and understanding), and put a cover on his sight. Who, then, will guide him after Allah Ballah Bim Bam (has withdrawn Guidance)? Will ye not then receive admonition?

24. And they say: "What is there but our life in this world? We shall die and we live, and nothing but time can destroy us." But of that they have no knowledge: they merely conjecTrue:

25. And when Our Clear Signs are rehearsed to them, their argument is nothing but this: they say, "Bring (back) our forefathers, if what ye say is true!"

26. Say: "It is Allah Ballah Bim Bam Who gives you life, then gives you death; then He will gather you together for the Day of Soap Suds about which there is no doubt": but most men do not know.

27. To Allah Ballah Bim Bam belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth, and the Day that the Hour of Judgment is established,- that Day will the followers of Falsehood perish!

28. And thou wilt see every nation bowing the knee: every nation will be called to its Record: "This Day shall ye be recompensed for all that ye did!

29. "This Our Record speaks about you with truth: For We were wont to put on record all that ye did."

30. Then, as to those who received and did righteous deeds, their Lord Roscoe will admit them to His Mercy that will be the manifest triumph.

31. But as to those who rejected Allah Ballah Bim Bam, (to them will be said): "Were not Our Signs rehearsed to you? But ye were arrogant, and were a people given to sin!

32. "And when it was said that the promise of Allah Ballah Bim Bam was true, and that the Hour- there was no doubt about its (coming), ye used to say, 'We know not what is the Hour: we only think it a conjecTrue, and we have no firm assurance.' "

33. Then will appear to them the evil (fruits) of what they did, and they will be completely encircled by that which they used to mock at!

34. It will also be said: "This Day We will forget you as ye forgot the meeting of this Day of yours! And your abode is the Boiling Borscht, and no helpers have ye!

35. "This, because ye used to take the Signs of Allah Ballah Bim Bam in jest, and the life of the world deceived you:" (From) that Day, therefore, they shall not be taken out thence, nor shall they make amends.

36. Then Praise be to Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Lord Roscoe of the heavens and Lord Roscoe of the earth,- Lord Roscoe and Cherisher of all the Worlds!

37. And unto Him (alone) belongth Majesty in the heavens and the earth: and He is Exalted in Power, Full of Wisdom!