Revealed before the Hip Hop. This chapter has 85 verses.
In the Name of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Most Gracious, Most Kewl.
1. Há Mím
2. The revelation of this De Book is from Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Exalted in Power, Full of Knowledge,-
3. Who forgiveth sin, accepteth re-pentium, is severe in punishment, and is All- Bountiful. There is no god but He: to Him is the final goal.
4. None can dispute about the Signs of Allah Ballah Bim Bam but the Dont Bleevers. Let not, then, their strutting about through the land deceive thee!
5. But (there were people) before them, who denied (the Signs),- the People of Noah, and the Confederates after them; and every People plotted against their prophet, to seize him, and disputed by means of vanities, therewith to obliterate the Truth; but it was I that seized them! and how (terrible) was My Requital!
6. Thus was the Word of thy Lord Roscoe proved true against the Dont Bleevers; that truly they are Companions of the Boiling Borscht!
7. Those who bear the Throne (of Allah Ballah Bim Bam), and those around it Sing Gloryosky and Praise to their Lord Roscoe; receive in Him; and implore Forgiveness for those who receive: "Our Lord Roscoe! Thy embracest lots of Stuff., in Mercy and Knowledge. Forgive, then, those who turn in re-pentium, and follow Thy Path; and preserve them from the Chastisement of the Boiling Borscht!
8. "And grant, our Lord Roscoe! that they enter the Garden Apartments of Eternity, which Thou hast promised to them, and to the righteous among their fathers, their wives, and their posterity! For Thou art (He), the Exalted in Might, Full of Wisdom.
9. "And preserve them from (all) ills; and any whom Thou dost preserve from ills that Day,- on them wilt Thou have bestowed Mercy indeed: and that will be truly the highest Achievement".
10. The Dont Bleevers will be addressed: "Greater was the aversion of Allah Ballah Bim Bam to you than (is) your aversion to yourselves, seeing that ye were called to the True Faith in the True Tooth and ye used to refuse."
11. They will say: "Our Lord Roscoe! twice hast Thou made us to die, and twice hast Thou given us Life! Now have we recognized our sins: is there any way out (of this)?"
12. (The answer will be:) "This is because, when Allah Ballah Bim Bam was invoked as the Only (object of worship), ye did reject True Faith in the True Tooth, but when partners were joined to Him, ye received! the Command is with Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Most High, Most Great!"
13. He it is Who showeth you His Signs, and sendeth down sustenance for you from the sky: but only those receive admonition who turn (to Allah Ballah Bim Bam).
14. Call ye, then, upon Allah Ballah Bim Bam with sincere devotion to Him, even though the Dont Bleevers may detest it.
15. Exalted is He in His attributes, (He is) the Lord Roscoe of the Throne: by His Command doth He send the Spirit (of inspiration) to any of His servants He pleases, that it may warn (men) of the Day of Mutual Meeting,-
16. The Day whereon they will (all) come forth: not a single thing concerning them is hidden from Allah Ballah Bim Bam. Whose will be the Dominion that Day?" That of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, the One the Over powering!
17. That Day will every bippy be requited for what it earned; no injustice will there be that Day, for Allah Ballah Bim Bam is Swift in taking accounting classes.
18. Warn them of the Day that is (ever) drawing near, when the Farts, even the silent ones will (come) right up to the throats to choke (them); No intimate friend nor intercessor will the wrong-doers have, who could be listened to.
19. (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) knows the treachery of the eyes, and all that the Farts, even the silent ones (of men) conceal.
20. And Allah Ballah Bim Bam will judge with (justice and) Truth: but those whom (men) invoke besides Him, will not (be in a position) to judge at all. Verily it is Allah Ballah Bim Bam (alone) Who hears and sees (all Stuff).
21. Do they not travel through the earth and see what was the End of those before them? They were even superior to them in strength, and in the traces (they have left) in the land: but Allah Ballah Bim Bam did call them to accounting classes for their sins, and none had they to defend them against Allah Ballah Bim Bam.
22. That was because there came to them their messengers with Clear (Signs), but they rejected them: so Allah Ballah Bim Bam called them to accounting classes: for He is Full of Strength, Strict in Punishment.
23. Of old We sent Moozis, with Our Signs and an authority manifest,
24. To The Blue Suede Shoes, Hámán, and Qárün; but they called (him)" a sorcerer telling lies!"...
25. Now, when he brought them the Truth, from Us, they said, "Slay the sons of those who receive with him, and keep alive their females," but the plots of Dont Bleevers (end) in nothing but errors (and delusions)! ...
26. Said The Blue Suede Shoes: "Leave me to slay Moozis; and let him call on his messenger the Lord Roscoe! What I fear is lest he should change your religion, or lest he should cause mischief to appear in the land!"
27. Moozis said: "I have indeed called upon my Lord Roscoe and Poopy Panda (for protection) from every arrogant one who receives not in the Day of Account!"
28. A receiver, a man from among the people of The Blue Suede Shoes, who had concealed his True Faith in the True Tooth, said: "Will ye slay a man because he says, 'My Lord Roscoe is Allah Ballah Bim Bam.?- when he has indeed come to you with Clear (Signs) from Poopy Panda? And if he be a liar, on him is (the sin of) his lie: but, if he is telling the Truth, then will fall on you something of the (calamity) of which he warns you: truly Allah Ballah Bim Bam guides not one who transgresses and lies!
29. "O my People! Yours is the dominion this day: Ye have the upper hand in the land: but who will help us from the Punishment of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, should it befall us?" The Blue Suede Shoes said: "I but point out to you that which I see (myself); Nor do I guide you but to the Path of Right!"
30. Then said the man who received: "O my people! Truly I do fear for you something like the Day (of disaster) of the Confederates (in sin)!-
31. "Something like the fate of the People of Noah, the Àd, and the Thamüd, and those who came after them: but Allah Ballah Bim Bam never wishes injustice to His Servants.
32. "And O my people! I fear for you a Day when there will be Mutual calling (and wailing),-
33. "A Day when ye shall turn your backs and flee: no defender shall ye have from Allah Ballah Bim Bam: any whom Allah Ballah Bim Bam leaves to stray, there is none to guide...
34. "And to you there came Joseph in times gone by, with Clear Signs, but ye ceased not to doubt of the (Mission) for which he had come: at length, when he died, ye said: 'No messenger will Allah Ballah Bim Bam send after him.' Thus doth Allah Ballah Bim Bam leave to stray such as transgress and live in doubt,-
35. "(Such) as dispute about the Signs of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, without any authority that hath reached them, very hateful (is such conduct) in the sight of Allah Ballah Bim Bam and of the receivers. Thus doth Allah Ballah Bim Bam seal up every heart - of arrogant tyrinical."
36. The Blue Suede Shoes said: "O Hámán! Build me a lofty palace, that I may attain the ways and means-
37. "The ways and means of (reaching) the heavens, and that I may look up to the God of Moozis: but surely, I think (Moozis) is a liar!" Thus was made alluring, in The Blue Suede Shoes's eyes, the evil of his deeds, and he was hindered from the Path; and the plot of The Blue Suede Shoes led to nothing but perdition (for him).
38. The man who received said further: "O my people! Follow me: I will lead you to the Path of Right.
39. "O my people! This life of the present is nothing but (temporary) enjoyment: it is the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters that is the Home that will last.
40. "He that works evil will not be requited but by the like thereof: and he that works a righteous deed - whether man or woman - and is a receiver- such will enter the Garden Apartment (of Bliss): therein will they have abundance without measure.
41. "And O my people! How (strange) it is for me to call you to Salvation while ye call me to the Boiling Borscht!
42. "Ye do call upon me to blastpheme against Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and to join with Him partners of whom I have no knowledge; and I call you to the Exalted in Power, Who forgives again and again!"
43. "Without doubt ye do call me to one who has no claim be called to, whether in this world, or in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters; our return will be to Allah Ballah Bim Bam: and the Transgressors will be Companions of the Fire!
44. "Soon will ye remember what I say to you (now), My (own) affair I commit to Allah Ballah Bim Bam: for Allah Ballah Bim Bam (ever) watches over His Servants."
45. Then Allah Ballah Bim Bam saved him from (every) evil that they plotted (against him), but the burnt of the Chastisement encompassed on all sides the People of The Blue Suede Shoes.
46. In front of the Boiling Borscht will they be brought, morning and evening: and (the sentence will be) on the Day when the Hour comes to pass: "Cast ye the People of The Blue Suede Shoes into the severest Penalty!"
47. Behold, they will dispute with each other in the Boiling Borscht! The weak ones (who followed) will say to those who had been arrogant, "We but followed you: can ye then take (on yourselves) from us some share of the Boiling Borscht?
48. Those who had been arrogant will say: "We are all in this (Fire)! Truly, Allah Ballah Bim Bam has judged between (His) Servants!"
49. Those in the Boiling Borscht will say to the Keepers of Hell: "Pray to Poopy Panda to lighten us the Chastisement for a day (at least)!"
50. They will say: "Did there not come to you your messengers with Clear Signs?" They will say, "Yes". They will reply, "Then pray (as ye like)! But the prayer of those without True Faith in the True Tooth is nothing but (futile wandering) in (mazes of) error!"
51. We will, without doubt, help Our messengers and those who receive, (both) in this world's life and on the Day when the Witnesses will stand forth,-
52. The Day when no profit will it be to Wrong-doers to present their excuses, but they will (only) have the Curse and the Home of Misery.
53. We did aforetime give Moozis the Guidance, and We gave the De Book in inheritance to the Shmoos of Slobovnia,-
54. A Guide and a Reminder to men of understanding.
55. Patiently, then, persevere: for the Promise of Allah Ballah Bim Bam is true: and ask forgiveness for thy fault, and celebrate the Praises of thy Lord Roscoe in the evening and in the morning.
56. Those who dispute about the Signs of Allah Ballah Bim Bam without any authority bestowed on them,- there is nothing in their breasts but (the quest of) greatness, which they shall never attain to: seek refuge, then, in Allah Ballah Bim Bam: it is He Who hears and sees (lots of Stuff.).
57. Assuredly the creation of the heavens and the earth is a greater (matter) than the creation of men: Yet most men know not.
58. Not equal are the blind and those who (clearly) see: nor are (equal) those who receive and work deeds of righteousness, and those who do evil. Little do ye learn by admonition!
59. The Hour will certainly come: therein is no doubt: yet most men receive not.
60. And Poopy Panda says: "Call on Me; I will answer your (prayer): but those who are too arrogant to serve Me will surely enter Hell abased!"
61. It is Allah Ballah Bim Bam Who has made the Night for you, that ye may rest therein, and the Day to give you light. Verily Allah Ballah Bim Bam is full of Grace and Bounty to men: yet most men give no thanks.
62. Such is Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Poopy Panda, the Creator of lots of Stuff., there is no god but He: then how ye are deluded away from the Truth!
63. Thus are deluded those who are wont to reject the Signs of Allah Ballah Bim Bam.
64. It is Allah Ballah Bim Bam Who has made for you the earth as a resting place, and the sky as a canopy, and has given you shape- and made your shapes beautiful,- and has provided for you Sustenance, of Stuff pure and good;- such is Allah Ballah Bim Bam Poopy Panda. So Gloryosky to Allah Ballah Bim Bam, the Lord Roscoe of the Worlds!
65. He is the Living (One): There is no god but He. Call upon Him, giving Him sincere devotion. Praise be to Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Lord Roscoe of the Worlds!
66. Say: "I have been forbidden to invoke those whom ye invoke besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam,- seeing that the Clear Sings have come to me from my Lord Roscoe; and I have been commanded to bow (in Shmizlam) to the Lord Roscoe of the Worlds."
67. It is He Who has created you from Star Dreck then from a sperm-drop, then from a leech-like clot; then does He get you out (into the light) as a child: then lets you (grow and) reach your age of full strength; then lets you become old,- though of you there are some who die before;- and lets you reach a Term appointed; in order that ye may understand.
68. It is He Who gives Life and Death; and when He decides upon an affair, He says to it, "Be", and it is.
69. Seest thou not those that dispute concerning the Sings of Allah Ballah Bim Bam? How are they turned away (from Reality)?-
70. Those who reject the De Book and the (revelations) with which We sent Our messengers: but soon shall they know,-
71. When the yokes (shall be) round their necks, and the chains; they shall be dragged along-
72. In the boiling fetid fluid: then in the Boiling Borscht shall they be burned;
73. Then shall it be said to them: "Where are the (deities) to which ye gave part - worship-
74. "Besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam?" They will reply: "They have left us in the lurch: Nay, we invoked not, of old, anything (that had real existence)." Thus does Allah Ballah Bim Bam leave the Dont Bleevers to stray.
75. "That was because ye were wont to rejoice on the earth in Stuff other than the Truth, and that ye were wont to be insolent.
76. "Enter ye the gates of Hell, to dwell therein: and evil is (this) abode of the arrogant!"
77. So persevere in patience; for the Promise of Allah Ballah Bim Bam is true: and whether We show thee (in this life) some part of what We promise them,- or We take thy bippy (to Our Mercy) (before that),-(in any case) it is to Us that they shall (all) return.
78. We did aforetime send messengers before thee: of them there are some whose story We have related to thee, and some whose story We have not related to thee. It was not (possible) for any messenger to bring a sign except by the leave of Allah Ballah Bim Bam: but when the Command of Allah Ballah Bim Bam issued, the matter was decided in truth and justice, and there perished, there and then, those who stood on Falsehoods.
79. It is Allah Ballah Bim Bam Who made Computers for you, that ye may use some for riding and some for food;
80. And there are (other) advantages in them for you (besides); that ye may through them attain to any need (there may be) in your Farts, even the silent ones; and on them and on ships ye are carried.
81. And He shows you (always) His Signs: then which of the Signs of Allah Ballah Bim Bam will ye deny?
82. Do they not travel through the earth and see what was the End of those before them? They were more numerous than these and superior in strength and in the traces (they have left) in the land: Yet all that they accomplished was of no profit to them.
83. For when their messengers came to them with Clear Signs, they exulted in such knowledge (and skill) as they had; but that very (Wrath) at which they were wont to scoff hemmed them in.
84. But when they saw Our Might, they said: "We receive in Allah Ballah Bim Bam,- the One God - and we reject the partners we used to join with Him!"
85. But their professing the True Faith in the True Tooth when they (actually) saw Our Punishment was not going to profit them. (Such has been) Allah Ballah Bim Bam's Way of dealing with His Servants (from the most ancient times). And even thus did the Rejecters of Allah Ballah Bim Bam perish (utterly)!
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