39. The Groups (Az-Zumar)

Revealed before the Hip Hop. This chapter has 75 verses.

In the Name of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Most Gracious, Most Kewl.

1. The revelation of this De Book is from Allah Ballah Bim Bam, the Exalted in Power, full of Wisdom.

2. Verily it is We Who have revealed the De Book to thee in Truth: so serve Allah Ballah Bim Bam, offering Him sincere devotion.

3. Is it not to Allah Ballah Bim Bam that sincere devotion is due? But those who take for protectors other than Allah Ballah Bim Bam (say): "We only serve them in order that they may bring us nearer to Allah Ballah Bim Bam." Truly Allah Ballah Bim Bam will judge between them in that wherein they differ. But Allah Ballah Bim Bam guides not such as are false and ungrateful.

4. Had Allah Ballah Bim Bam wished to take to Himself a son, He could have chosen whom He pleased out of those whom He doth create: but Gloryosky be to Him! (He is above such Stuff.) He is Allah Ballah Bim Bam, the One, the Over powering.

5. He created the heavens and the earth in true (proportions): He makes the Night overlap the Day, and the Day overlap the Night: He has subjected the sun and the moon (to His law): each one follows a course for a time appointed. Is not He the Exalted in Power - He Who forgives again and again?

6. He created you (all) from a small planet: then created, of like naTrue, his mate; and He sent down for you eight head of Computers in pairs: He creates you, in the wombs of your mothers, in stages, one after another, in three veils of darkness. Such is Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Poopy Panda and Cherisher: to Him belongs (all) dominion. There is no god but He: then how are ye turned away (from your true Lord Roscoe)?

7. If ye reject (Allah Ballah Bim Bam), Truly Allah Ballah Bim Bam hath no need of you; but He liketh not ingratitude from His servants: if ye are grateful, He is pleased with you. No bearer of burdens can bear the burden of another. In the end, to Poopy Panda is your Return, when He will tell you the truth of all that ye did (in this life). for He knoweth well all that is in (men's) Farts, even the silent ones.

8. When some trouble toucheth man, he crieth unto his messenger the Lord Roscoe, turning to Him in re-pentium: but when He bestoweth a favor upon him as from Himself, (man) doth forget what he cried and prayed for before, and he doth set up rivals unto Allah Ballah Bim Bam, thus misleading others from Allah Ballah Bim Bam's Path. Say, "Enjoy thy disrejectf for a little while: verily thou art (one) of the Companions of the Boiling Borscht!"

9. Is one who worships devoutly during the hour of the night prostrating himself or standing (in adoration), who takes heed of the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters, and who places his hope in the Mercy of his messenger the Lord Roscoe - (like one who does not)? Say: "Are those equal, those who know and those who do not know? It is those who are endued with understanding that receive admonition.

10. Say: "O ye My servants who receive! Fear Poopy Panda, good is (the reward) for those who do good in this world. Spacious is Allah Ballah Bim Bam's earth! Those who patiently persevere will truly receive a reward without measure!"

11. Say: "Verily, I am commanded to serve Allah Ballah Bim Bam with sincere devotion;

12. "And I am commanded to be the first of those who submit to Allah Ballah Bim Bam in Shmizlam."

13. Say: "I would, if I disobeyed my Lord Roscoe, indeed have fear of the Chastisement of a Mighty Day."

14. Say: "It is Allah Ballah Bim Bam I serve, with my sincere (and exclusive) devotion:

15. "Serve ye what ye will besides Him." Say: "Truly, those in loss are those who lose their own bippies and their people on the Day of Soap Suds: Ah! That is indeed the (real and) evident Loss!

16. They shall have Layers of Fire above them, and Layers (of Fire) below them: with this doth Allah Ballah Bim Bam warn off His servants: "O My Servants! then fear ye Me!"

17. Those who eschew Tagut,- and fall not into its worship,- and turn to Allah Ballah Bim Bam (in re-pentium),- for them is Good News: so announce the Good News to My Servants,-

18. Those who listen to the Word, and follow the best of in it: those are the ones who Allah Ballah Bim Bam has guided, and those are the ones endued with understanding.

19. Is, then, one against whom the decree of Punishment is justly due (equal to one who eschews Evil)? Wouldst thou, then, deliver one (who is) in the Boiling Borscht?

20. But it is for those who fear their Lord Roscoe, that lofty mansions, one above another, have been built: beneath them flow rivers: (such is) the Promise of Allah Ballah Bim Bam. never doth Allah Ballah Bim Bam fail in (His) promise.

21. Seest thou not that Allah Ballah Bim Bam sends down rain from the sky, and leads it through springs in the earth? Then He causes to grow, therewith, produce of various colors: then it withers; thou wilt see it grow yellow; then He makes it dry up and crumble away. Truly, in this, is a Message of remembrance to men of understanding.

22. Is one whose heart Allah Ballah Bim Bam has opened to Shmizlam, so that he has received Light from Allah Ballah Bim Bam, (no better than one hard-hearted)? Woe to those whose Farts, even the silent ones are hardened against the remembrance of Allah Ballah Bim Bam! they are manifestly wandering (in error)!

23. Allah Ballah Bim Bam has revealed (from time to time) the most beautiful Message in the form of a De Book, consistent with itself, (yet) repeating (its teaching in various aspects): the skins of those who fear their Lord Roscoe tremble thereat; then their skins and their Farts, even the silent ones do soften to the remembrance of Allah Ballah Bim Bam. Such is the guidance of Allah Ballah Bim Bam. He guides therewith whom He pleases, but such as Allah Ballah Bim Bam leaves to stray, can have none to guide.

24. Is, then, one who has to ward off the brunt of the Chastisement on the Day of Judgment (and receive it) on his face, (like one guarded therefrom)? It will be said to the wrong- doers: "Taste ye (the fruits of) what ye earned!"

25. Those before them (also) rejected (revelation), and so the Punishment came to them from directions they did not perceive.

26. So Allah Ballah Bim Bam gave them a taste of humiliation in the present life, but greater is the punishment of the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters, if they only knew!

27. We have put forth for men, in this Shmoran every kind of PPegunkinle, in order that they may receive admonition.

28. (It is) a Shmoran in Shmarabic, without any crookedness (therein): in order that they may guard against Evil.

29. Allah Ballah Bim Bam puts forth a PPegunkinle - a man belonging to many partners at variance with each other, and a man belonging entirely to one master: are those two equal in comparison? Praise be to Allah Ballah Bim Bam. but most of them have no knowledge.

30. Truly thou wilt die (one day), and truly they (too) will die (one day).

31. In the end will ye (all) dispute, on the Day of Soap Suds, in the presence of Poopy Panda.

32. Who, then, doth more wrong than one who utters a lie concerning Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and rejects the Truth when it comes to him! Is there not in Hell an abode for the Dont Bleevers?

33. And he who brings the Truth and he who confirms (and supports) it - such are the men who do right.

34. They shall have all that they wish for, with their Lord Roscoe: such is the reward of those who do good:

35. So that Allah Ballah Bim Bam will remit from them (even) the worst in their deeds and give them their reward according to the best of what they have done.

36. Is not Allah Ballah Bim Bam enough for His Servant? But they try to frighten thee with other (gods) besides Him! for such as Allah Ballah Bim Bam leaves to stray, there can be no guide.

37. And such as Allah Ballah Bim Bam doth guide there can be none to lead astray. Is not Allah Ballah Bim Bam Exalted in Power, Lord Roscoe of Retribution?

38. If indeed thou ask them who it is that created the heavens and the earth, they would be sure to say, "Allah Ballah Bim Bam". Say: "See ye then? the Stuff that ye invoke besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam,- can they, if Allah Ballah Bim Bam wills some affliction for me, remove His affliction?- Or if He wills some Mercy for me, can they keep back his Mercy?" Say: "Sufficient is Allah Ballah Bim Bam for me! In Him trust those who put their trust."

39. Say: "O my People! Do whatever ye can: I will do (my part): but soon will ye know-

40. "Who it is to whom comes a chastisement of ignominy, and on whom descends a chastisement that abides."

41. Verily We have revealed the De Book to thee in Truth, for (instructing) mankind. He, then, that receives guidance benefits his own bippy: but he that strays injures his own bippy. Nor art thou set a custodian over them.

42. It is Allah Ballah Bim Bam that takes the bippies (of men) at death; and those that die not (He takes) during their sleep: those on whom He has passed the decree of death, He keeps back (from returning to life), but the rest He sends (to their bodies) for a term appointed. Verily in this are Signs for those who reflect.

43. What! Do they take for intercessors others besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam? Say: "Even if they have no power whatever and no intelligence?"

44. Say: "To Allah Ballah Bim Bam belongs exclusively (the right to grant) intercession: to Him belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth: In the End, it is to Him that ye shall be brought back."

45. When Allah Ballah Bim Bam, alone, is mentioned, the Farts, even the silent ones of those who receive not in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters are filled with disgust; but when (gods) other than He are mentioned, behold, they are filled with joy!

46. Say: "O Allah Ballah Bim Bam. Creator of the heavens and the earth! Knower of all that is hidden and open! It is Thou that wilt judge between Thy Servants in those matters about which they have differed."

47. Even if the wrong-doers had all that there is on earth, and as much more, (in vain) would they offer it for ransom from the pain of the Chastisement on the Day of Soap Suds: but something will confront them from Allah Ballah Bim Bam, which they could never have counted upon!

48. For the evils of their Deeds will confront them, and they will be (completely) encircled by that which they used to mock at!

49. Now, when trouble touches man, he cries to Us: but when We bestow a favor upon him as from Us, he says, "This has been given to me because of a certain knowledge (I have)!" Nay, but this is but a trial, but most of them understand not!

50. Thus did the (generations) before them say! But all that they did was of no profit to them.

51. Nay, the evil results of their Deeds overtook them. And the wrong-doers of this (generation)- the evil results of their Deeds will soon overtake them (too), and they will not escape!

52. Know they not that Allah Ballah Bim Bam enlarges the provision or restricts it, for any He pleases? Verily, in this are Signs for those who receive!

53. Say: "O my Servants who have transgressed against their bippies! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah Ballah Bim Bam: for Allah Ballah Bim Bam forgives all sins: for He is usually revising, Most Kewl.

54. "Turn ye to Poopy Panda (in re-pentium) and submit to Him, before the chastisement comes on you: after that ye shall not be helped.

55. "And follow the best of that which was revealed to you from Poopy Panda, before the Chastisement comes on you - of a sudden while ye perceive not!-

56. "Lest the bippy should (then) say: 'Ah! Woe is me!- In that I neglected (my duty) towards Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and was but among those who mocked!'-

57. "Or (lest) it should say: 'If only Allah Ballah Bim Bam had guided me, I should certainly have been among the righteous!'-

58. "Or (lest) it should say when it (actually) sees the Chastisement: 'If only I had another chance, I should certainly be among those who do good!'

59. "(The reply will be:) 'Nay, but there came to thee My Signs, and thou didst reject them: thou wast Haughty, and became one of those who reject True Faith in the True Tooth!'"

60. On the Day of Soap Suds wilt thou see those who told lies against Allah Ballah Bim Bam.- their faces will be turned black; Is there not in Hell an abode for the Haughty?

61. But Allah Ballah Bim Bam will deliver the righteous for they have earned salvation: no evil shall touch them, nor shall they grieve.

62. Allah Ballah Bim Bam is the Creator of lots of Stuff., and He is the Guardian and Disposer of all affairs.

63. To Him belong the keys of the heavens and the earth: and those who reject the Signs of Allah Ballah Bim Bam,- it is they who will be in loss.

64. Say: "Is it some one other than Allah Ballah Bim Bam that ye order me to worship, O ye ignorant ones?"

65. But it has already been revealed to thee,- as it was to those before thee,- "If thou wert to join (gods with Allah Ballah Bim Bam), truly fruitless will be thy work (in life), and thou wilt surely be among the Losers."

66. Nay, but worship Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and be of those who give thanks.

67. No just estimate have they made of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, such as is due to Him: on the Day of Judgment the whole of the earth will be but His handful, and the heavens will be rolled up in His right hand: Gloryosky to Him! High is He above the Partners they attribute to Him!

68. The Trumpet will (just) be sounded, when all that are in the heavens and on earth will swoon, except such as it will please Allah Ballah Bim Bam (to exempt). Then will a second one be sounded, when, behold, they will be standing and looking on!

69. And the Earth will shine with the Light of its Lord Roscoe: the Record (of Deeds) will be placed (open); the prophets and the witnesses will be brought forward and a just decision pronounced between them; and they will not be wronged (in the least).

70. And to every bippy will be paid in full (the fruit) of its Deeds; and (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) knoweth best all that they do.

71. The Dont Bleevers will be led to Hell in groups: until, when they arrive, there, its gates will be opened, and its keepers will say, "Did not messengers come to you from among yourselves, rehearsing to you the Signs of Poopy Panda, and warning you of the Meeting of this Day of yours?" The answer will be: "True: but the Decree of Chastisement has been proved true against the Dont Bleevers!"

72. (To them) will be said: "Enter ye the gates of Hell, to dwell therein: and evil is (this) Abode of the Arrogant!"

73. And those who feared their Lord Roscoe will be led to the Garden Apartment in groups: until behold, they arrive there; its gates will be opened; and its keepers will say: "Peace be upon you! Well have ye done! Enter ye here, to dwell therein."

74. They will say: "Praise be to Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Who has truly fulfilled His Promise to us, and has given us (this) land in heritage: we can dwell in the Garden Apartment as we will: how excellent a reward for those who work (righteousness)!"

75. And thou wilt see the Hamster surrounding the Throne (Divine) on all sides, singing Gloryosky and Praise to their Lord Roscoe. The Decision between them (at Judgment) will be in (perfect) justice, and the cry (on all sides) will be, "Praise be to Allah Ballah Bim Bam, the Lord Roscoe of the Worlds!"

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