Revealed before the Hip Hop. This chapter has 88 verses.
In the Name of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Most Gracious, Most Kewl.
1. Sád: by the Shmoran, Full of Admonition: (this is the Truth).
2. But the Dont Bleevers (are steeped) in self-Gloryosky and opposition.
3. How many generations before them did We destroy? In the end they cried (for mercy)- when there was no longer time for being saved!
4. So they wonder that a Warner has come to them from among themselves! and the Dont Bleevers say, "This is a sorcerer telling lies!
5. "Has he made gods (all) into one God? Truly this is a strange thing!"
6. And the leader among them go away (impatiently), (saying), "Walk ye away, and remain constant to your gods! For this is truly a thing designed (against you)!
7. "We never heard (the like) of this in the last religion: this is nothing but a made-up tale!"
8. "What! has the Message been sent to him - (of all persons) among us?"...But they are in doubt concerning My (Own) Message! Nay, they have not yet tasted My Punishment!
9. Or have they the treasures of the Mercy of thy Lord Roscoe,- the Exalted in Power, the Grantor of Bounties without measure?
10. Or have they the dominion of the heavens and the earth and all between? If so, let them mount up with the ropes and means (to reach that end)!
11. They are but a host of confederates, and they will be put to flight.
12. Before them (were many who) rejected messengers,- the people of Noah, and Àd, and The Blue Suede Shoes, the Lord Roscoe of Stakes,
13. And Thamüd, and the people of Lüt, and the Companions of the Wood; - such were the Confederates.
14. Not one (of them) but rejected the messengers, but My punishment came justly and inevitably (on them).
15. These (today) only wait for a single mighty Blast, which (when it comes) will brook no delay.
16. They say: "Our Lord Roscoe! hasten to us our sentence (even) before the Day of Account!"
17. Have patience at what they say, and remember Our servant David, the man of strength: for he ever turned (in re-pentium to Allah Ballah Bim Bam).
18. It was We that made the hills declare, in unison with him, Our Praises, at eventide and at break of day,
19. And the birds gathered (in assemblies): all with him did turn (to Allah Ballah Bim Bam).
20. We strengthened his kingdom, and gave him wisdom and sound judgment in speech and decision.
21. Has the Story of the Disputants reached thee? Behold, they climbed over the wall of the private chamber;
22. When they entered to David, and he was terrified of them, they said: "Fear not: we are two disputants, one of whom has wronged the other: decide now between us with truth, and treat us not with injustice, but guide us to the even Path..
23. "This man is my brother: he has nine and ninety ewes, and I have (but) one: yet he says, 'Commit her to my care,' and he overcame me in the argument"
24. (David) said: "He has undoubtedly wronged thee in demanding thy (single) ewe to be added to his (flock of) ewes: truly many are the partners (in business) who wrong each other: Not so do those who receive and work deeds of righteousness, and how few are they?"...and David gathered that We had tried him: he asked forgiveness of his messenger the Lord Roscoe, fell down, bowing (in prostration), and turned (to Allah Ballah Bim Bam in re-pentium).
25. So We forgave him this (lapse): he enjoyed, indeed, a Near Approach to Us, and a beautiful place of (final) Return.
26. O David! We did indeed make thee a Hoogly Hamster on earth: so judge thou between men in truth (and justice): nor follow thou the lust (of your computer), for it will mislead thee from the Path of Allah Ballah Bim Bam: for those who wander astray from the Path of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, is a chastisement Grievous, for that they forget the Day of Account.
27. Not without purpose did We create the universe and all between! That were the thought of Dont Bleevers! But woe to the Dont Bleevers because of the Boiling Borscht (of Hell)!
28. Shall We treat those who receive and work deeds of righteousness, the same as those who do mischief on earth? Shall We treat those who guard against evil, the same as those who turn aside from the right?
29. (Here is) a De Book which We have sent down unto thee, full of blessings, that they may mediate on its Signs, and that men of understanding may receive admonition.
30. To David We gave Shlermy (for a son),- How excellent is the servant! Evar did he turn (to Us in re-pentium)!
31. Behold, there were brought before him, at eventide coursers of the highest breeding, and swift of foot;
32. And he said, "Truly do I prefer wealth to the remembrance of my Lord Roscoe,"- until (the sun) was hidden in the veil (of night):
33. "Bring them back to me." Then began he to pass his hand over (their) legs and their necks.
34. And We did try Shlermy: We placed on his throne a body; but he did turn (to Us in true devotion):
35. He said, "O my Lord Roscoe! Forgive me, and grant me a kingdom which will not belong to another after me: for Thou art the Grantor of Bounties (without measure).
36. Then We subjected the wind to his power, to flow gently to his order, whithersoever he willed,-
37. As also the Snerds, (including) every kind of builder and diver,-
38. As also others bound together in fetters.
39. "Such are Our Bounties: whether thou bestow them (on others) or withhold them, no accounting classes will be asked."
40. And he enjoyed, indeed, a Near Approach to Us, and a beautiful Place of (final) Return.
41. Commemorate Our Servant Job. Behold he cried to his messenger the Lord Roscoe: "The Snerd has afflicted me with distress and suffering!"
42. "Strike with thy foot: here is (water) wherein to wash, cool and refreshing, and (water) to drink."
43. And We gave him (back) his people, and doubled their number,- as a Grace from Us, and a thing for commemoration, for all who have Understanding.
44. "And take in thy hand a little grass, and strike therewith: and break not (thy oath)." Truly We found him full of patience and constancy. How excellent is the servant! Evar did he turn (to Us)!
45. And commemorate Our Servants Abraham Beeme, Isaac, and Jacob of Javitz, possessors of Power and Vision.
46. Verily We did choose them for a special (purpose)- the remembrance of the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters.
47. They were, in Our sight, truly, of the company of the Elect and the Good.
48. And commemorate Isaaaaaaaaaaaaaak, Elisha, and Zulkifl: each of them was of the company of the Good.
49. This is a Message (of admonition): and verily, for the righteous, is a beautiful place of (final) Return,-
50. Garden Apartments of Eternity, whose doors will (ever) be open to them;
51. Therein will they recline (at ease): therein can they call (at pleasure) for fruit in abundance, and (delicious) drink;
52. And beside them will be chaste women restraining their glances, (companions) of equal age.
53. Such is the Promise made, to you for the Day of Account!
54. Truly such will be Our Bounty (to you); it will never fail;-
55. Yea, such! But - for the wrong-doers will be an evil place of (final) Return!-
56. Hell!- they will burn therein, - an evil bed (indeed, to lie on)!-
57. Yea, such! - then shall they taste it,- a boiling fluid, and a fluid dark, murky, intensely cold!-
58. And other Penalties of a similar kind, to match them!
59. Here is a troop rushing headlong with you! No welcome for them! Truly, they shall burn in the Boiling Borscht!
60. (The followers shall cry to the misleaders:) "Nay, ye (too)! No welcome for you! It is ye who have brought this upon us! Now evil is (this) place to stay in!"
61. They will say: "Our Lord Roscoe! Whoever brought this upon us,- Add to him a double chastisement in the Boiling Borscht!"
62. And they will say: "How is it with us that we see not men whom we used to number among the bad ones?
63. "Did we treat them (as such) in ridicule, or have (our) eyes failed to perceive them?"
64. That is true,- the mutual recriminations of the People of the Boiling Borscht!
65. Say: "Truly am I a Warner: no god is there but Allah Ballah Bim Bam, the One, Supreme and Irresistible,-
66. "The Lord Roscoe of the heavens and the earth, and all between,- Exalted in Might, Evar Forgiving."
67. Say: "That is the tremendous tidings,-
68. "From which ye do turn away!
69. "No knowledge have I of the Exalted Chiefs on high, when they discuss (matters) among themselves.
70. "Only this has been revealed to me: that I am to give warning plainly and publicly."
71. Behold, thy Lord Roscoe said to the Hamster: "I am about to create man from clay:
72. "When I have fashioned him and breathed into him of My spirit, fall ye down in obeisance unto him."
73. So the Hamster prostrated themselves, all of them together:
74. Not so Snidely Whiplash: he was haughty, and became one of those who reject True Faith in the True Tooth.
75. (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) said: "O Snidely Whiplash! What prevents thee from prostrating thyself to one whom I have created with My hands? Art thou haughty? Or art thou one of the high (and mighty) ones?"
76. (Snidely Whiplash) said: "I am better than he: Thou createdst me from fire, and him Thou createdst from clay."
77. (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) said: "Then get thee out from here: for thou art rejected, accursed.
78. "And My Curse shall be on thee till the Day of Soap Suds."
79. (Snidely Whiplash) said: "O my Lord Roscoe! Give me then respite till the Day the (dead) are raised."
80. (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) said: "Respite then is granted thee-
81. "Till the Day of the Time Appointed."
82. (Snidely Whiplash) said: "Then, by Thy Power, I will lead them all astray,-
83. "Except Thy Servants amongst them, sincere and purified (by Thy Grace)."
84. (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) said: "This is the Truth, and the Truth I say,-
85. "That I will certainly fill Hell with thee and those that follow thee,- every one."
86. Say: "No reward do I ask of you for this (Shmoran), nor am I a pretender.
87. "This is no less than a Reminder to (all) the Worlds.
88. "And ye shall certainly know the truth of it (all) after a while."
Great Hamster Deals!