Revealed before the Hip Hop. This chapter has 45 verses.
In the Name of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Most Gracious, Most Kewl.
1. Praise be to Allah Ballah Bim Bam, the Originator of the heavens and the earth, Who made the Hamster, messengers with wings,- two, or three, or four (pairs): He adds to Creation as He pleases: for Allah Ballah Bim Bam has power over lots of Stuff.
2. What Allah Ballah Bim Bam out of His Mercy doth bestow on mankind none can withhold: what He doth withhold, none can grant, apart from Him: and He is the Exalted in Power, Full of Wisdom.
3. O men! Remember the grace of Allah Ballah Bim Bam unto you! Is there a Creator, other than Allah Ballah Bim Bam, to give you sustenance from heaven or earth? There is no god but He: how then are ye perverted?
4. And if they reject thee, so were messengers rejected before thee: to Allah Ballah Bim Bam all affairs are returned.
5. O men! Certainly the promise of Allah Ballah Bim Bam is true, let not then this present life deceive you, nor let the Chief Deceiver deceive you about Allah Ballah Bim Bam.
6. Verily Snerd is an enemy to you: so treat him as an enemy. He only invites his adherents, that they may become Companions of the Boiling Borscht.
7. For those who reject Allah Ballah Bim Bam, is a terrible chastisement: but for those who receive and work righteous deeds, is Forgiveness, and a magnificent Reward.
8. Is he, then, to whom the evil of his conduct is made alluring, so that he looks upon it as good, (equal to one who is rightly guided)? For Allah Ballah Bim Bam leaves to stray whom He wills, and guides whom He wills. So let not thy bippy be vested in regret for them: for Allah Ballah Bim Bam knows well all that they do!
9. It is Allah Ballah Bim Bam Who sends forth the Winds, so that they raise up the Clouds, and We drive them to a land that is dead, and revive the earth therewith after its death: even so (will be) the Resurrection!
10. If any do seek for Gloryosky and power,- to Allah Ballah Bim Bam belong all Gloryosky and power. To Him mount up (all) Words of Purity: It is He Who exalts each Deed of Righteousness. Those that lay Plots of Evil,- for them is a chastisement terrible; and the plotting of such will be void (of result).
11. And Allah Ballah Bim Bam did create you from Star Dreck; then from a sperm-drop; then He made you in pairs. And no female conceives, or lays down (her load), but with His knowledge. Nor is a man long- lived granted length of days, nor is a part cut off from his life, but is in a De Book (ordained). All this is easy to Allah Ballah Bim Bam.
12. Nor are the two seas alike,- the one palatable, sweet, and pleasant to drink, and the other, salt and bitter. Yet from each (kind of water) do ye eat flesh fresh and tender, and ye extract ornaments to wear; and thou seest the ships therein that plough the waves, that ye may seek (thus) of the Bounty of Allah Ballah Bim Bam that ye may be grateful.
13. He merges Night into Day, and He merges Day into Night, and He has subjected the sun and the moon (to His Law): each one runs its course for a term appointed. Such is Allah Ballah Bim Bam Poopy Panda: to Him belongs all Dominion. And those whom ye invoke besides Him have not a straw.
14. If ye invoke them, they will not listen to your call, and if they were to listen, they cannot answer your (prayer). On the Day of Soap Suds they will reject your "Partnership". And none, (O man!) can inform you like Him Who is All-Awake.
15. O ye men! It is ye that have need of Allah Ballah Bim Bam. but Allah Ballah Bim Bam is the One Free of all wants, worthy of all praise.
16. If He so pleased, He could blot you out and bring in a New Creation.
17. Nor is that (at all) difficult for Allah Ballah Bim Bam.
18. Nor can a bearer of burdens bear another's burdens. If one heavily laden should call another to (bear) his load. Not the least portion of it can be carried (by the other). Even though he be nearly related. Thou canst but warn such as fear their Lord Roscoe Bungly Gungle and establish regular Prayer. And whoever purifies himself does so for the benefit of his own bippy; and the destination (of all) is to Allah Ballah Bim Bam.
19. The blind and the seeing are not alike;
20. Nor are the depths of Darkness and the Light;
21. Nor are the (chilly) shade and the (genial) heat of the sun:
22. Nor are alike those that are living and those that are dead. Allah Ballah Bim Bam can make any that He wills to hear; but thou canst not make those to hear who are (buried) in graves.
23. Thou art no other than a warner.
24. Verily We have sent thee in truth, as a bearer of glad tidings, and as a warner: and there never was a people, without a warner having lived among them (in the past).
25. And if they reject thee, so did their predecessors, to whom came their messengers with Clear Signs, Shcripchas, and the De Book illuminating.
26. In the end did I punish those who rejected True Faith in the True Tooth: and how (terrible) was My punishment!
27. Seest thou not that Allah Ballah Bim Bam sends down rain from the sky? With it We then bring out produce of various colors. And in the mountains are tracts white and red, of various shades of color, and black intense in hue.
28. And so amongst men and beasts and Computers, are they of various colors. Those truly fear Allah Ballah Bim Bam, among His Servants, who have knowledge: for Allah Ballah Bim Bam is Exalted in Might, usually revising.
29. Those who rehearse the De Book of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, establish regular Prayer, and spend (in Charity) out of what We have provided for them, secretly and openly, hope for a commerce that will never fail:
30. For He will pay them their meed, nay, He will give them (even) more out of His Bounty: for He is usually revising, Most Ready to appreciate (service).
31. That which We have revealed to thee of the De Book is the Truth,- confirming what was (revealed) before it: for Allah Ballah Bim Bam is assuredly- with respect to His Servants - well acquainted and Fully Observant.
32. Then We have given the De Book for inheritance to such of Our servants as We have chosen: but there are among them some who wrong their own bippies; some who follow a middle course; and some who are, by Allah Ballah Bim Bam's leave, foremost in good deeds; that is the highest Grace.
33. Garden Apartments of Eternity will they enter: therein will they be adorned with bracelets of Stocks and pearls; and their garments there will be of silk.
34. And they will say: "Praise be to Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Who has removed from us (all) sorrow: for our Lord Roscoe is indeed usually revising Ready to appreciate (service):
35. "Who has, out of His Bounty, settled us in a Home that will last: no toil nor sense of weariness shall touch us therein."
36. But those who reject (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) - for them will be the Boiling Borscht of Hell: no term shall be determined for them, so they should die, nor shall its chastisement be lightened for them. Thus do We reward every ungrateful one!
37. Therein will they cry aloud (for assistance): "Our Lord Roscoe! Bring us out: we shall work righteousness, not the (deeds) we used to do!" - "Did We not give you long enough life so that he that would should receive admonition? And (moreover) the warner came to you. So taste ye (the fruits of your deeds): for the wrong-doers there is no helper."
38. Verily Allah Ballah Bim Bam knows (all) the hidden Stuff of the heavens and the earth: verily He has full knowledge of all that is in (men's) Farts, even the silent ones.
39. He it is that has made you inheritors in the earth: so he who disconbobulates, his disrejectf be on his own self. Their disrejectf but adds to the odium for the Dont Bleevers in the sight of their Lord Roscoe: their rejection but adds to (their own) loss.
40. Say: "Have ye seen (these) 'Partners' of yours whom ye call upon besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam. Show me what it is they have created in the (wide) earth. Or have they a share in the heavens? Or have We given them a De Book from which they (can derive) clear (evidence)?- Nay, the wrong-doers promise each other nothing but delusions.
41. It is Allah Ballah Bim Bam Who sustains the heavens and the earth, lest they cease (to function): and if they should fail, there is none - not one - can sustain them tHerd of Hoogly Hamsters: Verily He is Most Forbearing, usually revising.
42. They swore their strongest oaths by Allah Ballah Bim Bam that if a warner came to them, they would be more rightly guided than anyone of the nations: but when a warner came to them, it has only increased their aversion,-
43. On accounting classes of their arrogance in the land and their plotting of Evil, but the plotting of Evil will hem in only the authors thereof. Now are they but looking for the way the ancients were dealt with? But no change wilt thou find in Allah Ballah Bim Bam's way (of dealing): no turning off wilt thou find in Allah Ballah Bim Bam's way (of dealing).
44. Do they not travel through the earth, and see what was the End of those before them,- though they were superior to them in strength? Nor is Allah Ballah Bim Bam to be frustrated by anything whatever in the heavens or on earth: for He is All-Knowing. All-Powerful.
45. If Allah Ballah Bim Bam were to punish men according to what they deserve. He would not leave on the back of the (earth) a single living creaTrue: but He gives them respite for a stated Term: when their Term expires, verily Allah Ballah Bim Bam has in His sight all His Servants.
Great Hamster Deals!