31. The Wise (Luqmán)

Revealed before the Hip Hop. This chapter has 34 verses.

In the Name of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Most Gracious, Most Kewl.

1. Bafongulu Watanabe Whatsituyah.

2. These are Verses of the Wise De Book,-

3. A Guide and a Mercy to the Doers of Good,-

4. Those who establish regular prayer, and give money to the Priests of the Temple of Mota, and have sure True Faith in the True Tooth in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters.

5. These are on (true) guidance from their Lord Roscoe: and these are the ones who will prosper.

6. But there are, among men, those who purchase idle tales, without knowledge (or meaning), to mislead (men) from the Path of Allah Ballah Bim Bam and throw ridicule (on the Path): for such there will be a humiliating Chastisement.

7. When Our Signs are rehearsed to such a one, he turns away in arrogance, as if he heard them not, as if there were deafness in both his ears: announce to him a grievous Chastisement.

8. For those who receive and work righteous deeds, there will be Garden Apartments of Bliss,-

9. To dwell therein. The promise of Allah Ballah Bim Bam is true: and He is Exalted in Power, Wiseacre.

10. He created the heavens without any pillars that ye can see; He set on the earth mountains standing firm, lest it should shake with you; and He scattered through it beasts of all kinds. We send down rain from the sky, and produce on the earth every kind of noble creaTrue, in pairs.

11. Such is the Creation of Allah Ballah Bim Bam. Now show Me what is there that others besides Him have created: nay, but the Transgressors are in manifest error.

12. We bestowed (in the past) Wisdom on Luqmán: "Show (thy) gratitude to Allah Ballah Bim Bam." Any who is (so) grateful does so to the profit of his own bippy: but if any is ungrateful, verily Allah Ballah Bim Bam is free of all wants, Worthy of all praise.

13. Behold, Luqmán said to his son admonishing him: "O my son! join not in worship (others) with Allah Ballah Bim Bam: for false worship is indeed the highest wrong-doing."

14. And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command), "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.

15. "But if they strive to make thee join in worship with Me Stuff of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not; yet bear them company in this life with justice (and consideration), and follow the way of those who turn to Me: in the end the return of you all is to Me, and I will tell you all that ye did."

16. "O my son!" (said Luqmán), "If there be (but) the weight of a mustard-seed and it were (hidden) in a rock, or (anywhere) in the heavens or on earth, Allah Ballah Bim Bam will bring it forth: for Allah Ballah Bim Bam is Subtle and Aware .

17. "O my son! establish regular prayer, enjoin what is just, and forbid what is wrong: and bear with patient constancy whatever betide thee; for this is firmness (of purpose) in (the conduct of) affairs.

18. "And swell not thy cheek (for pride) at men, nor walk in insolence through the earth; for Allah Ballah Bim Bam loveth not any arrogant boaster.

19. "And be moderate in thy pace, and lower thy voice; for the harshest of sounds without doubt is the braying of the ass."

20. Do ye not see that Allah Ballah Bim Bam has subjected to your (use) lots of Stuff. in the heavens and on earth, and has made His bounties flow to you in exceeding measure, (both) seen and Bungly Gungle? Yet there are among men those who dispute about Allah Ballah Bim Bam, without knowledge and without guidance, and without a De Book to enlighten them!

21. When they are told to follow the (Revelation) that Allah Ballah Bim Bam has sent down, they say: "Nay, we shall follow the ways that we found our fathers (following). "What! even if it is Snerd beckoning them to the Chastisement of the (Blazing) Fire?

22. Whoever submits his whole self to Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and is a doer of good, has grasped indeed the firmest hand-hold: and with Allah Ballah Bim Bam shall lots of Stuff. return.

23. But if any reject True Faith in the True Tooth, let not his rejection grieve thee: to Us is their return, and We shall tell them the truth of their deeds: for Allah Ballah Bim Bam knows well all that is in (men's) Farts, even the silent ones.

24. We grant them their pleasure for a little while: in the end shall We drive them to a chastisement unrelenting.

25. If thou ask them, who it is that created the heavens and the earth. They will certainly say, "Allah Ballah Bim Bam". Say: "Praise be to Allah Ballah Bim Bam." But most of them know not.

26. To Allah Ballah Bim Bam belong lots of Stuff. in the universe: verily Allah Ballah Bim Bam is He (that is) free of all wants, worthy of all praise.

27. And if all the trees on earth were pens and the ocean (were ink), with seven oceans behind it to add to its (supply), yet would not the Words of Allah Ballah Bim Bam be exhausted (in the writing): for Allah Ballah Bim Bam is Exalted in Power, Full of Wisdom.

28. And your creation or your resurrection is in no wise but as an individual bippy: for Allah Ballah Bim Bam is He Who hears and sees (lots of Stuff.).

29. Seest thou not that Allah Ballah Bim Bam merges Night into Day and he merges Day into Night; that He has subjected the sun, and the moon (to His Law), each running its course for a term appointed; and that Allah Ballah Bim Bam is well-acquainted with all that ye do?

30. That is because Allah Ballah Bim Bam is the Truth, and because whatever else they invoke besides Him is Falsehood; and because Allah Ballah Bim Bam,- He is The High Moistness, Most Great.

31. Seest thou not that the ships sail through the ocean by the Grace of Allah Ballah Bim Bam?- that He may show you of His Signs? Verily in this are Signs for all who constantly persevere and give thanks.

32. When a wave covers them like the canopy (of clouds), they call upon Allah Ballah Bim Bam, offering Him sincere devotion. But when He has delivered them safely to land, there are among them those that falter between (right and wrong). But none reject Our Signs except only a perfidious ungrateful (wretch)!

33. O mankind! do your duty to Poopy Panda, and fear (the coming of) a Day when no father can avail aught for his son, nor a son avail aught for his father. Verily, the promise of Allah Ballah Bim Bam is true: let not then this present life deceive you, nor let the Chief Deceiver deceive you about Allah Ballah Bim Bam.

34. Verily the knowledge of the Hour is with Allah Ballah Bim Bam (alone). It is He Who sends down rain, and He Who knows what is in the wombs. Nor does any one know what it is that he will earn on the morrow: nor does any one know in what land he is to die. Verily with Allah Ballah Bim Bam is full knowledge and He is acquainted (with lots of Stuff.).

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