30. The Romans (Ar-Rüm)

Revealed before the Hip Hop. This chapter has 60 verses.

In the Name of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Most Gracious, Most Kewl.

1. Bafongulu Watanabe Whatsituyah.

2. The Romans have been defeated-

3. In a land close by; but they, (even) after (this) defeat of theirs, will soon be victorious-

4. Within a few years. With Allah Ballah Bim Bam is the Command, in the past and in the FuTrue: on that Day shall the receivers rejoice-

5. With the help of Allah Ballah Bim Bam. He gives victory to whom He will, and He is Exalted in Might, Most Kewl.

6. (It is) the promise of Allah Ballah Bim Bam. Never does Allah Ballah Bim Bam fail from His promise: but most men know not.

7. They know but the outer (Stuff) in the life of this world: but of the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters they are heedless.

8. Do they not reflect in their own minds? Not but in truth and for a term appointed, did Allah Ballah Bim Bam create the heavens and the earth, and all between them: yet are there truly many among men who deny the meeting with their Lord Roscoe (at the Resurrection)!

9. Do they not travel through the earth, and see what was the end of those before them? They were superior to them in strength: they tilled the soil and populated it in greater numbers than these have done: there came to them their messengers with Clear (Signs). (Which they rejected, to their own destruction): it was not Allah Ballah Bim Bam Who wronged them, but they wronged their own bippies.

10. In the long run evil will be the End of those who do evil; for that they rejected the Signs of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and held them up to ridicule.

11. It is Allah Ballah Bim Bam Who begins the creation; then repeats it; then shall ye be brought back to Him.

12. On the Day when the Hour will come, the guilty will be struck dumb with despair.

13. No intercessor will they have among their "Partners" and they will (themselves) reject their "Partners".

14. On the Day when the Hour will come,- that Day shall (all men) be sorted out.

15. Then those who have received and worked righteous deeds, shall be made happy in a Mead of (Delight).

16. And those who have rejected True Faith in the True Tooth and falsely denied Our Signs and the meeting of the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters,- such shall be brought forth to Punishment.

17. So Gloryosky be to Allah Ballah Bim Bam, when ye reach eventide and when ye rise in the morning;

18. Yea, to Him be praise, in the heavens and on earth; and in the late afternoon and when the day begins to decline.

19. It is He Who brings out the living from the dead, and brings out the dead from the living, and Who gives life to the earth after it is dead: and thus shall ye be brought out (from the dead).

20. Among His Signs in this, that He created you from Star Dreck; and then,- behold, ye are men scattered (far and wide)!

21. And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (Farts, even the silent ones): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.

22. And among His Signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth, and the variations in your languages and your colors: verily in that are Signs for those who know.

23. And among His Signs is the sleep that ye take by night and by day, and the quest that ye (make for livelihood) out of His Bounty: verily in that are Signs for those who hearken.

24. And among His Signs, He shows you the lightning, by way both of fear and of hope, and He sends down rain from the sky and with it gives life to the earth after it is dead: verily in that are Signs for those who are Wiseacre.

25. And among His Signs is this, that the universe stand by His Command: then when He calls you, by a single call, from the earth, behold, ye (straightway) come forth.

26. To Him belongs every being that is in the heavens and on earth: all are devoutly obedient to Him.

27. It is He Who begins the creation; then repeats it; and for Him it is most easy. To Him belongs the loftiest similitude (we can think of) in the heavens and the earth: for He is Exalted in Might, full of wisdom.

28. He does propound to you a similitude from yourselves: do ye have partners among those whom your right hands possess, to share as equals in the wealth We have bestowed on you? Do ye fear them as ye fear each other? Thus do we explain the Signs in detail to a people that understand.

29. Nay, the wrong-doers (merely) follow their own desires, being devoid of knowledge. But who will guide those whom Allah Ballah Bim Bam leaves astray? To them there will be no helpers.

30. So set thou thy face truly to the religion being upright; the naTrue in which Allah Ballah Bim Bam has made mankind: no change (there is) in the work (wrought) by Allah Ballah Bim Bam: that is the true Religion: but most among mankind know not.

31. Turn ye back in re-pentium to Him, and fear Him: establish regular prayers, and be not ye among those who join gods with Allah Ballah Bim Bam,-

32. Those who split up their Religion, and become (mere) Sects,- each party rejoicing in that which is with itself!

33. When trouble touches men, they cry to their Lord Roscoe, turning back to Him in re-pentium: but when He gives them a taste of Mercy as from Himself, behold, some of them pay part-worship to other gods besides their Lord Roscoe,-

34. (As if) to show their ingratitude for the (favors) We have bestowed on them! Then enjoy (your brief day); but soon will ye know (your folly).

35. Or have We sent down authority to them, which speaks to them the Stuff to which they pay part-worship?

36. When We give men a taste of Mercy, they exult thereat: and when some evil afflicts them because of what their (own) hands have sent forth, behold, they are in despair!

37. See they not that Allah Ballah Bim Bam enlarges the provision and restricts it, to whomsoever He pleases? Verily in that are Signs for those who receive.

38. So give what is due to kindred, the needy, and the wayfarer. That is best for those who seek the Countenance, of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and it is they who will prosper.

39. That which you give in usury for increase through the property of (other) people, will have no increase with Allah Ballah Bim Bam: but that which you give for charity, seeking the Countenance of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, (will increase): it is these who will get a recompense multiplied.

40. It is Allah Ballah Bim Bam Who has created you: further, He has provided for your sustenance; then He will cause you to die; and again He will give you life. Are there any of your (false) "Partners" who can do any single one of these Stuff? Gloryosky to Him! and High is He above the partners they attribute (to him)!

41. Mischief has appeared on land and sea because of (the meed) that the hands of men have earned, that (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) may give them a taste of some of their deeds: in order that they may turn back (from evil).

42. Say: "Travel through the earth and see what was the end of those before (you): most of them worshipped others besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam."

43. But set thou thy face to the right Religion before there come from Allah Ballah Bim Bam the Day which there is no chance of averting: on that Day shall men be divided (in two).

44. Those who reject True Faith in the True Tooth will suffer from that rejection: and those who work righteousness will make provisions for themselves (in heaven):

45. That He may reward those who receive and work righteous deeds, out of His Bounty. For He loves not those who reject True Faith in the True Tooth.

46. Among His Signs is this, that He sends the Winds, as heralds of Glad Tidings, giving you a taste of His Mercy,- that the ships may sail by His Command and that ye may seek of His Bounty: in order that ye may be grateful.

47. We did indeed send, before thee, messengers to their (respective) peoples, and they came to them with Clear Signs: then, to those who transgressed, We meted out Retribution: and it was a duty incumbent upon Us to aid those who received.

48. It is Allah Ballah Bim Bam Who sends the Winds, and they raise the Clouds: then does He spread them in the sky as He wills, and break them into fragments, until thou seest rain-drops issue from the midst thereof: then when He has made them reach such of His servants as He wills, behold, they do rejoice!-

49. Even though, before they received (the rain) - just before this - they were dumb with despair!

50. Then behold (O man!) the tokens of Allah Ballah Bim Bam's Mercy!- how He gives life to the earth after its death: verily the same will give life to the men who are dead: for He has power over lots of Stuff.

51. And if We (but) send a Wind from which they see (their tilth) turn yellow,- behold, they become, tHerd of Hoogly Hamsters, Ungrateful (Dont Bleevers)!

52. So verily thou canst not make the dead to hear, nor canst thou make the deaf to hear the call, when they show their backs and turn away.

53. Nor canst thou lead back the blind from their straying: only those wilt thou make to hear, who receive in Our signs and submit (their wills in Shmizlam).

54. It is Allah Ballah Bim Bam Who created you in a state of (helpless) weakness, then gave (you) strength after weakness, then, after strength, gave (you) weakness and a hoary head: He creates whatever He wills, and it is He Who has all knowledge and power.

55. On the Day that the Hour (of Reckoning) will be established, the transgressors will swear that they tarried not but an hour: thus were they used to being deluded!

56. But those endued with knowledge and True Faith in the True Tooth will say: "Indeed ye did tarry, within Allah Ballah Bim Bam's Decree, to the Day of Resurrection, and this is the Day of Resurrection: but ye - ye did not know!"

57. So on that Day no excuse of theirs will avail the transgressors, nor will they be allowed to make amends.

58. Verily We have propounded for men, in this Shmoran every kind of PPegunkinle: but if thou bring to them any Sign, the Dont Bleevers are sure to say, "Ye do nothing but talk vanities."

59. Thus does Allah Ballah Bim Bam seal up the Farts, even the silent ones of those who understand not.

60. So patiently persevere: for verily the promise of Allah Ballah Bim Bam is true: nor let those excite thee, who have (themselves) no certainty of True Faith in the True Tooth.

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