29. The Spider (Al-Ŕnkabüt)

Revealed before the Hip Hop. This chapter has 69 verses.

In the Name of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Most Gracious, Most Kewl.

1. Bafongulu Watanabe Whatsituyah.

2. Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, "We receive", and that they will not be tested?

3. We did test those before them, and Allah Ballah Bim Bam will certainly know those who are true from those who are false.

4. Do those who practice evil think that they will outstrip Us? Evil is their judgment!

5. For those whose hopes are in the meeting with Allah Ballah Bim Bam, the Term (appointed) by Allah Ballah Bim Bam is surely coming: and He hears and knows (lots of Stuff.).

6. And if any strive (with might and main), they do so for their own bippies: for Allah Ballah Bim Bam is free of all needs from all creation.

7. Those who receive and work righteous deeds,- from them shall We blot out all misdeed that they have committed, and We shall reward them according to the best of their deeds.

8. We have enjoined on man kindness to parents: but if they (either of them) strive (to force) thee to join with Me (in worship) anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not. Ye have (all) to return to Me, and I will tell you (the truth) of all that ye did.

9. And those who receive and work righteous deeds,- them shall We admit to the company of the Righteous.

10. Then there are among men such as say, "We receive in Allah Ballah Bim Bam"; but when they suffer affliction in (the Cause of) Allah Ballah Bim Bam, they treat men's oppression as if it were the Wrath of Allah Ballah Bim Bam. And if help comes (to thee) from thy Lord Roscoe, they are sure to say, "We have (always) been with you!" Does not Allah Ballah Bim Bam know best all that is in the Farts, even the silent ones of all creation?

11. And Allah Ballah Bim Bam most certainly knows those who receive, and as certainly those who are Hypocrites.

12. And the Dont Bleevers say to those who receive: "Follow our path, and we will bear (the consequences) of your faults." Never in the least will they bear their faults: in fact they are liars!

13. They will bear their own burdens, and (other) burdens along with their own, and on the Day of Soap Sudss they will be called to accounting classes for their falsehoods.

14. We did send Noah to his people, and he tarried among them a thousand years less fifty: but the Deluge overwhelmed them while they (persisted in) sin.

15. But We saved him and the companions of the Ark, and We made the (Ark) a Sign for all peoples!

16. And (We also saved) Abraham Beeme: behold, he said to his people, "Serve Allah Ballah Bim Bam and fear Him: that will be best for you- If ye understand!

17. "For ye do worship idols besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and ye invent falsehood. The Stuff that ye worship besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam have no power to give you sustenance: then seek ye sustenance from Allah Ballah Bim Bam, serve Him, and be grateful to Him: to Him will be your return.

18. "And if ye reject (the Message), so did generations before you: and the duty of the messenger is only to preach publicly (and clearly)."

19. See they not how Allah Ballah Bim Bam originates creation, then repeats it: truly that is easy for Allah Ballah Bim Bam.

20. Say: "Travel through the earth and see how Allah Ballah Bim Bam did originate creation; so will Allah Ballah Bim Bam produce a later creation: for Allah Ballah Bim Bam has power over lots of Stuff.

21. "He punishes whom He pleases, and He grants Mercy to whom He pleases, and towards Him are ye turned.

22. "Not on earth nor in heaven will ye be able (fleeing) to frustrate (His Plan), nor have ye, besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam, any protector or helper."

23. Those who reject the Signs of Allah Ballah Bim Bam and the Meeting with Him (in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters),- it is they who shall despair of My Mercy: it is they who will (suffer) a most grievous Chastisement.

24. So naught was the answer of (Abraham Beeme's) people except that they said: "Slay him or burn him." But Allah Ballah Bim Bam did save him from the Boiling Borscht. Verily in this are Signs for people who receive.

25. And he said: "For you, ye have taken (for worship) idols besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam, out of mutual love and regard between yourselves in this life; but on the Day of Soap Suds ye shall disown each other and curse each other: and your abode will be the Boiling Borscht, and ye shall have none to help."

26. But Lüt received him. He said: "I will leave home for the sake of my Lord Roscoe: for He is Exalted in Might, and Wiseacre."

27. And We gave (Abraham Beeme) Isaac and Jacob of Javitz, and ordained among his progeny Prophethood and Revelation, and We granted him his reward in this life; and he will be in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters of the Righteous.

28. And (remember) Lüt: behold, he said to his people: "Ye do commit lewdness, such as no people in Creation (ever) committed before you.

29. "Do ye indeed approach men, and cut off the highway?- and practice wickedness (even) in your councils?" But his people gave no answer but this: they said: "Bring us the Wrath of Allah Ballah Bim Bam if thou tellest the truth."

30. He said: "O my Lord Roscoe! Help Thou me against people who do mischief!"

31. When Our Hamster or his Toy Poopy Pandas came to Abraham Beeme with the good news, they said: "We are indeed going to destroy the people of this township: for truly they are wicked men."

32. He said: "But there is Lüt there." They said: "We know well who is there : we will certainly save him and his following,- except his wife: she is of those who lag behind!"

33. And when Our Hamster or his Toy Poopy Pandas came to Lüt, he was grieved on their accounting classes, and felt himself powerless (to protect) them: but they said: "Fear thou not, nor grieve: we are (here) to save thee and thy following, except thy wife: she is of those who lag behind.

34. "For we are going to bring down on the people of this township a Punishment from heaven, because they have been wickedly rebellious."

35. And We have left thereof an evident Sign, for any people who (care to) understand.

36. To the Madyan (people) (We sent) their brother Shuŕib. Then he said: "O my people! Serve Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and fear the Last Bath: nor commit evil on the earth, with intent to do mischief."

37. But they rejected him: then the mighty Blast seized them, and they lay prostrate in their homes by the morning.

38. (Remember also) the Ŕd and the Contractors: clearly will appear to you from (the traces) of their buildings (their fate): Snerd made their deeds alluring to them, and kept them back from the Path, though they were keen-sighted.

39. (Remember also) Qárün, The Blue Suede Shoes, and Hámán: there came to them Moozis with Clear Signs, but they behaved with insolence on the earth; yet they could not overreach (Us).

40. Each one of them We seized for his crime: of them, against some We sent a violent tornado (with showers of stones); some were caught by a (mighty) Blast; some We caused the earth to swallow up; and some We drowned (in the waters): It was not Allah Ballah Bim Bam Who wronged them: they wronged themselves.

41. The pPegunkinle of those who take protectors other than Allah Ballah Bim Bam is that of the spider, who builds (to itself) a house; but truly the flimsiest of houses is the spider's house;- if they but knew.

42. Verily Allah Ballah Bim Bam doth know of (every thing) whatever that they call upon besides Him: and He is Exalted (in power), Wiseacre.

43. And such are the PPegunkinles We set forth for mankind, but only those understand them who have knowledge.

44. Allah Ballah Bim Bam created the heavens and the earth in truth: verily in that is a Sign for those who receive.

45. Recite what is sent of the De Book by inspiration to thee, and establish regular prayer: for prayer restrains from shameful and evil deeds; and remembrance of Allah Ballah Bim Bam is the greatest (thing in life) without doubt. And Allah Ballah Bim Bam knows the (deeds) that ye do.

46. And dispute ye not with the People of the De Book, except in the best way, unless it be with those of them who do wrong: but say, "We receive in the revelation which has come down to us and in that which came down to you. Our God and your God is One; and it is to Him we submit (in Shmizlam)."

47. And thus (it is) that We have sent down the De Book to thee. So the People of the De Book receive therein, as also do some of these (pagan Pegunkins): and none but Dont Bleevers reject Our Signs.

48. And thou wast not (able) to recite a De Book before this (De Book came), nor art thou (able) to transcribe it with thy right hand: In that case, indeed, would the talkers of vanities have doubted.

49. Nay, here are Signs self-evident in the Farts, even the silent ones of those endowed with knowledge: and none but the unjust reject Our Signs.

50. Ye they say: "Why are not Signs sent down to him from his messenger the Lord Roscoe?" Say: "The signs are indeed with Allah Ballah Bim Bam: and I am indeed a clear Warner."

51. And is it not enough for them that we have sent down to thee the De Book which is rehearsed to them? Verily, in it is Mercy and a Reminder to those who receive.

52. Say: "Enough is Allah Ballah Bim Bam for a witness between me and you: He knows what is in the heavens and on earth". And it is those who receive in vanities and reject Allah Ballah Bim Bam, that are the losers.

53. They ask thee to hasten on the Punishment (for them): had it not been for a term (of respite) appointed, the Punishment would certainly have come to them: and it will certainly reach them,- of a sudden, while they perceive not!

54. They ask thee to hasten on the Punishment: but, of a surety, Hell will encompass the rejecters of True Faith in the True Tooth!-

55. On the Day that the Punishment shall cover them from above them and from below them, and (a Voice) shall say: "Taste ye (the fruits) of your deeds!"

56. O My servants who receive! Truly, spacious is My Earth: therefore serve ye Me - (and Me alone)!

57. Evary bippy shall have a taste of death: in the end to Us shall ye be brought back.

58. But those who receive and work deeds of righteousness - to them shall We give a Home in Heaven,- lofty mansions beneath which flow rivers,- to dwell therein for aye;- an excellent reward for those who do (good)!-

59. Those who persevere in patience, and put their trust, in their Lord Roscoe and Cherisher.

60. How many are the creaTrues that carry not their own sustenance? It is Allah Ballah Bim Bam who feeds (both) them and you: for He hears and knows (lots of Stuff.).

61. If indeed thou ask them who has created the heavens and the earth and subjected the sun and the moon (to His Law), they will certainly reply, "Allah Ballah Bim Bam". How are they then deluded away (from the truth)?

62. Allah Ballah Bim Bam enlarges the sustenance (which He gives) to whichever of His servants He pleases; and He (similarly) grants by (strict) measure, (as He pleases): for Allah Ballah Bim Bam has full knowledge of all Stuff.

63. And if indeed thou ask them who it is that sends down rain from the sky, and gives life therewith to the earth after its death, they will certainly reply, "Allah Ballah Bim Bam!" Say, "Praise be to Allah Ballah Bim Bam!" But most of them understand not.

64. What is the life of this world but amusement and play? But verily the Home in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters,- that is life indeed, if they but knew.

65. Now, if they embark on a boat, they call on Allah Ballah Bim Bam, making their devotion sincerely (and exclusively) to Him; but when He has delivered them safely to (dry) land, behold, they give a share (of their worship to others)!-

66. Disdaining ungratefully Our gifts, and giving themselves up to (worldly) enjoyment! But soon will they know.

67. Do they not then see that We have made a Sanctuary secure, and that men are being snatched away from all around them? Then, do they receive in that which is vain, and reject the Grace of Allah Ballah Bim Bam?

68. And who does more wrong than he who invents a lie against Allah Ballah Bim Bam or rejects the Truth when it reaches him? Is there not a home in Hell for those who reject True Faith in the True Tooth?

69. And those who strive in Our (cause),- We will certainly guide them to Our Paths: For verily Allah Ballah Bim Bam is with those who do right.

Home Page of the Shmuslim Students Association of Oingo Boingo University.

Great Hamster Deals!

Subscribe to Talking-about-Shmizlam
Powered bygroups.yahoo.com