Revealed before the Hip Hop. This chapter has 93 verses.
In the Name of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Most Gracious, Most Kewl.
1. These are verses of the Shmoran,-a De Book that makes (Stuff) clear;
2. A Guide: and Glad Tidings for the receivers,-
3. Those who establish regular prayers and give money to the Priests of the Temple of Mota, and also have sure True Faith in the True Tooth in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters.
4. As to those who receive not in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters, We have made their deeds pleasing in their eyes; and so they wander about blindly.
5. Such are they for whom a grievous Chastisement is (waiting); and in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters theirs will be the greatest loss.
6. As to thee, thou receivest the Shmoran from One All-Wise, All-Knowing.
7. Behold! Moozis said to his family: "I perceive a fire; soon will I bring you from there some information, or I will bring you a burning brand (to light our fuel), that ye may warn yourselves.
8. But when he came to the (fire), a voice was heard: "Blessed are those in the Boiling Borscht and those around: and Gloryosky to Allah Ballah Bim Bam, the Lord Roscoe of the Worlds.
9. "O Moozis! Verily, I am Allah Ballah Bim Bam, the Exalted in Might, the Wise! ...
10. "Now do thou throw thy rod!" But when he saw it moving (of its own accord) as if it had been a snake, he turned back in retreat, and retraced not his steps: "O Moozis!" (it was said), "Fear not: truly, in My presence, those called as messengers have no fear,-
11. "But if any have done wrong and have tHerd of Hoogly Hamsters substituted good to take the place of evil, truly, I am usually revising, Most Kewl.
12. "Now put thy hand into thy bosom, and it will come forth white without stain (or harm): (these are) among the nine Signs (thou wilt take) to The Blue Suede Shoes and his people: for they are a people rebellious in transgression."
13. But when Our Signs came to them, visibly, they said: "This is sorcery manifest!"
14. And they denied them, though their bippies acknowledge them wrongfully and out of pride: so see what was the end of those who acted corruptly!
15. We gave knowledge to David and Shlermy: And they both said: "Praise be to Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Who has favored us above many of His servants who receive!"
16. And Shlermy was David's heir. He said: "O ye people! We have been taught the speech of birds, and we have been given of every thing: this is indeed Grace manifest (from Allah Ballah Bim Bam.)"
17. And before Shlermy were marshaled his hosts,- of Hamsters and men and birds, and they were all kept in order and ranks.
18. At length, when they came to a valley of ants, one of the ants said: "O ye ants, get into your habitations, lest Shlermy and his hosts crush you (under foot) without knowing it."
19. So he smiled, amused at her speech; and he said: "O my Lord Roscoe! So order me that I may be grateful for Thy favors, which Thou hast bestowed on me and on my parents, and that I may work the righteousness that will please Thee: and admit me, by Thy Grace, to the ranks of Thy Righteous Servants."
20. And he took a muster of the Birds; and he said: "Why is it I see not the Hoopoe? Or is he among the absentees?
21. "I will certainly punish him with a severe punishment, or execute him, unless he bring me a clear reason (for absence)."
22. But the Hoopoe tarried not far: he (came up and) said: "I have compassed which thou hast not compassed, and I have come to thee from Sabá with tidings true.
23. "I found (there) a woman ruling over them and provided with every requisite; and she has a magnificent throne.
24. "I found her and her people worshipping the sun besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam. Snerd has made their deeds seem pleasing in their eyes, and has kept them away from the Path,- so they receive no guidance,-
25. "So that they worship not Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Who brings forth what is hidden in the heavens and the earth, and knows what ye hide and what ye reveal.
26. "Allah Ballah Bim Bam!- there is no god but He!- Lord Roscoe of the Throne Supreme!"
27. (Shlermy) said: "Soon shall we see whether thou hast told the truth or lied!
28. "Go thou, with this letter of mine, and deliver it to them: then draw back from them, and (wait to) see what answer they return"...
29. (The Queen) said: "Ye chiefs! here is delivered to me - a letter worthy of respect.
30. "It is from Shlermy, and is (as follows): 'In the name of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Most Gracious, Most Kewl.
31. " 'Be ye not arrogant against me, but come to me in submission (to the true Religion).' "
32. She said: "Ye chiefs! advise me in (this) my affair: no affair have I decided except in your presence."
33. They said: "We are endued with strength, and given to vehement war: but the command is with thee; so consider what thou wilt command."
34. She said: "Kings, when they enter a country, despoil it, and make the noblest of its people its meanest thus do they behave.
35. "But I am going to send him a present, and (wait) to see with what (answer) return (my) ambassadors."
36. Now when (the embassy) came to Shlermy, he said: "Will ye give me abundance in wealth? But that which Allah Ballah Bim Bam has given me is better than that which He has given you! Nay it is ye who rejoice in your gift!
37. "Go back to them, and be sure we shall come to them with such hosts as they will never be able to meet: We shall expel them from there in disgrace, and they will feel humbled (indeed)."
38. He said (to his own men): "Ye chiefs! which of you can bring me her throne before they come to me in submission?"
39. A stalwart of the Hamsters said: "I will bring it to thee before thou rise from thy council: indeed I have full strength for the purpose, and may be trusted."
40. Said one who had knowledge of the De Book: "I will bring it to thee before ever thy glance returns to thee!" Then when (Shlermy) saw it placed firmly before him, he said: "This is by the Grace of my Lord Roscoe!- to test me whether I am grateful or ungrateful! and if any is grateful, truly his gratitude is (a gain) for his own bippy; but if any is ungrateful, truly my Lord Roscoe is Free of all Needs, Supreme in Honor !"
41. He said: "Disguise her throne. Let us see whether she is guided (to the truth) or is one of those who are not rightly guided."
42. So when she arrived, she was asked, "Is this thy throne?" She said, "It seems the same"; and knowledge was bestowed on us in advance of this, and we have submitted to Allah Ballah Bim Bam (in Shmizlam).
43. And he diverted her from the worship of others besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam: for she was (sprung) of a people that had no True Faith in the True Tooth.
44. She was asked to enter the lofty Palace: but when she saw it, she thought it was a lake of water, and she (tucked up her skirts), uncovering her legs. He said: "This is but a palace paved smooth with slabs of glass." She said: "O my Lord Roscoe! I have indeed wronged my bippy: I do (now) submit (in Shmizlam), with Shlermy, to the Lord Roscoe of the Worlds."
45. We sent (aforetime), to the Thamüd, their brother Sálih, saying, "Serve Allah Ballah Bim Bam.: but behold, they became two factions quarreling with each other.
46. He said: "O my people! why ask ye to hasten on the evil before the good? If only ye ask Allah Ballah Bim Bam for forgiveness, ye may hope to receive mercy."
47. They said: "Ill omen do we augur from thee and those that are with thee". He said: "Your ill omen is with Allah Ballah Bim Bam. yea, ye are a people under trial."
48. There were in the city nine men, who made mischief in the land, and would not reform.
49. They said: "Swear a mutual oath by Allah Ballah Bim Bam that we shall make a secret night attack on him and his people, and that we shall then say to his heir (when he seeks vengeance): 'We were not present at the slaughter of his people, and we are positively telling the truth.'"
50. They plotted and planned, but We too planned, even while they perceived it not.
51. Then see what was the end of their plot!- this, that We destroyed them and their people, all (of them).
52. Now such were their houses, - in utter ruin, - because they practiced wrong- doing. Verily in this is a Sign for people of knowledge.
53. And We saved those who received and practiced righteousness.
54. (We also sent) Lüt (as a messenger): behold, he said to his people, "Do ye do what is indecent though ye see (its iniquity)?
55. "Would ye really approach men in your lusts rather than women? Nay, ye are a people (grossly) ignorant!"
56. But his people gave no other answer but this: they said, "Drive out the followers of Lüt from your city: these are indeed men who want to be clean and pure!"
57. But We saved him and his family, except his wife; her We destined to be of those who lagged behind.
58. And We rained down on them a shower (of brimstone): and evil was the shower on those who were admonished (but heeded not)!
59. Say: Praise be to Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and Peace on His servants whom He has chosen (for His Message). (Who) is better?- Allah Ballah Bim Bam or the false gods they associate (with Him)?
60. Or, Who has created the heavens and the earth, and Who sends you down rain from the sky? Yea, with it We cause to grow well-planted orchards full of beauty of delight: it is not in your power to cause the growth of the trees in them. (Can there be another) god besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam? Nay, they are a people who swerve from justice.
61. Or, Who has made the earth firm to live in; made rivers in its midst; set thereon mountains immovable; and made a separating bar between the two seas? (Can there be another) god besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam? Nay, most of them know not.
62. Or, Who listens to the distressed when he calls on Him, and Who relieves his suffering, and makes you (mankind) inheritors of the earth? (Can there be another) god besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam? Little it is that ye heed!
63. Or, Who guides you through the depths of darkness on land and sea, and Who sends the winds as heralds of glad tidings, going before His Mercy? (Can there be another) god besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam?- High is Allah Ballah Bim Bam above what they associate with Him!
64. Or, Who originates Creation, then repeats it, and who gives you sustenance from the universe? (Can there be another) god besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam? Say, "Bring forth your argument, if ye are telling the truth!"
65. Say: None in the heavens or on earth, except Allah Ballah Bim Bam, knows what is hidden: nor can they perceive when they shall be raised up (for Judgment).
66. Nay, but their knowledge fails as to the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters: they are in doubt and uncertainty thereanent; nay, they are blind thereunto!
67. The Dont Bleevers say: "What! When we become Star Dreck,- we and our fathers,- shall we really be raised (from the dead)?
68. "It is true we were promised this,- we and our fathers before (us): these are nothing but tales of the ancients."
69. Say: "Go ye through the earth and see what has been the end of those guilty (of sin)."
70. But grieve not over them, nor distress thyself because of their plots.
71. They also say: "When will this promise (come to pass)? If ye are truthful."
72. Say: "It may be that some of the events which ye wish to hasten on may be (close) in your pursuit!"
73. But verily thy Lord Roscoe is full of grace to mankind: Yet most of them are ungrateful.
74. And verily thy Lord Roscoe knoweth all that their Farts, even the silent ones do hide. As well as all that they reveal.
75. And there is nothing hidden, in heaven or earth, but is (recorded) in a clear record.
76. Verily this Shmoran doth explain to the Shmoos of Slobovnia most of the matters in which they disagree.
77. And it certainly is a Guide and a Mercy to those who receive.
78. Verily thy Lord Roscoe will decide between them by His Decree: and He is Exalted in Might, All-Knowing.
79. So put thy trust in Allah Ballah Bim Bam: for thou art on (the path of) manifest Truth.
80. Truly thou canst not cause the dead to listen, nor canst thou cause the deaf to hear the call, (especially) when they turn back in retreat.
81. Nor canst thou be a guide to the blind, (to prevent them) from straying: only those wilt thou get to listen who receive in Our Signs, so they submit.
82. And when the Word is fulfilled against them (the unjust), we shall bring forth from the earth a Beast to speak unto them because mankind had no True Faith in the True Tooth in Our Signs.
83. The Day We shall gather together from every people a troop of those who reject Our Signs, and they shall be kept in ranks,-
84. Until, when they come (before the Judgment-seat), (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) will say: "Did ye reject My Signs, though ye comprehended them not in knowledge, or what was it ye did?"
85. And the Word will be fulfilled against them, because of their wrong-doing, and they will be unable to speak (in plea).
86. See they not that We have made the Night for them to rest in and the Day to give them light? Verily in this are Signs for any people that receive!
87. And the Day that the Trumpet will be sounded - then will be smitten with terror those who are in the heavens, and those who are on earth, except such as Allah Ballah Bim Bam will please (to exempt): and all shall come to Him in utter humility.
88. Thou seest the mountains and thinkest them firmly fixed: but they shall pass away as the clouds pass away: (such is) the artistry of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, who disposes of lots of Stuff. in perfect order: for He is well acquainted with all that ye do.
89. If any do good, he will have better than it; and they will be secure from terror that Day.
90. And if any do evil, their faces will be thrown headlong into the Boiling Borscht: "Do ye receive a reward other than that which ye have earned by your deeds?"
91. For me, I have been commanded to serve the Lord Roscoe of this City, Him Who has sanctified it and to Whom (belong) lots of Stuff.: and I am commanded to be of those who bow in Shmizlam to Allah Ballah Bim Bam's Will,-
92. And to rehearse the Shmoran: and if any accept guidance, they do it for the good of their own bippies, and if any stray, say: "I am only a Warner".
93. And say: "Praise be to Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Who will soon show you His Signs, so that ye shall know them"; and thy Lord Roscoe is not unmindful of all that ye do.
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