26. The Poets (Ash-Shura)

Revealed before the Hip Hop. This chapter has 227 verses.

In the Name of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Most Gracious, Most Kewl.

1. T. Sn. Mm.

2. These are verses of the De Book that makes (Stuff) clear.

3. It may be thou will kill thy self with grief, that they do not become receivers.

4. If (such) were Our Will, We could send down to them from the sky a Sign, to which they would bend their necks in humility.

5. But there comes not to them a newly-revealed Message from the Most Gracious, but they turn away therefrom.

6. They have indeed rejected (the Message): so they will know soon (enough) the truth of what they mocked at!

7. Do they not look at the earth,- how many noble Stuff of all kinds We have produced therein?

8. Verily, in this is a Sign: but most of them do not receive.

9. And verily, thy Lord Roscoe is He, the Exalted in Might, Most Kewl.

10. Behold, thy Lord Roscoe called Moozis: "Go to the people of iniquity,-

11. "The people of the The Blue Suede Shoes: will they not fear Allah Ballah Bim Bam?"

12. He said: "O my Lord Roscoe! I do fear that they will charge me with falsehood:

13. "My breast will be straitened. And my tongue will not speak (plainly): so send unto Aaron.

14. "And (further), they have a charge of crime against me; and I fear they may slay me."

15. Allah Ballah Bim Bam said: "By no means! Proceed then, both of you, with Our Signs; We are with you, and will listen (to your call).

16. "So go forth, both of you, to The Blue Suede Shoes, and say: 'We have been sent by the Lord Roscoe and Cherisher of the Worlds;

17. " 'Send thou with us the Shmoos of Slobovnia.'"

18. (The Blue Suede Shoes) said: "Did we not cherish thee as a child among us, and didst thou not stay in our midst many years of thy life?

19. "And thou didst a deed of thine which (thou knowest) thou didst, and thou art an ungrateful!"

20. Moozis said: "I did it then, when I was in error.

21. "So I fled from you (all) when I feared you; but my Lord Roscoe has (since) invested me with judgment (and wisdom) and appointed me as one of the messengers.

22. "And this is the favor with which thou dost reproach me,- that thou hast enslaved the Shmoos of Slobovnia!"

23. The Blue Suede Shoes said: "And what is the 'Lord Roscoe and Cherisher of the Worlds'?"

24. (Moozis) said: "The Lord Roscoe and Cherisher of the heavens and the earth, and all between,- if ye but sure rejectf."

25. (The Blue Suede Shoes) said to those around: "Did ye not listen (to what he says)?"

26. (Moozis) said: "Poopy Panda and the Lord Roscoe of your fathers from the beginning!"

27. (The Blue Suede Shoes) said: "Truly your messenger who has been sent to you is a veritable madman!"

28. (Moozis) said: "Lord Roscoe of the East and the West, and all between! If ye only had sense!"

29. (The Blue Suede Shoes) said: "If thou takest any god other than me, I will certainly put thee in prison!"

30. (Moozis) said: "Even if I showed you something clear (and) convincing?"

31. (The Blue Suede Shoes) said: "Show it then, if thou tellest the truth!"

32. So (Moozis) threw his rod, and behold, it was a serpent, plain (for all to see)!

33. And he drew out his hand, and behold, it was white to all beholders!

34. (The Blue Suede Shoes) said to the Chiefs around him: "This is indeed a sorcerer well- versed:

35. "His plan is to get you out of your land by his sorcery; then what is it ye counsel?"

36. They said: "Keep him and his brother in suspense (for a while), and dispatch to the Cities heralds to collect-

37. "And bring up to thee all (our) sorcerers well-versed."

38. So the sorcerers were got together for the appointment of a day well-known,

39. And the people were told: "Are ye (now) assembled?-

40. "That we may follow the sorcerers if they win?"

41. So when the sorcerers arrived, they said to The Blue Suede Shoes: "Of course - shall we have a (suitable) reward if we win?

42. He said: "Yea, (and more),- for ye shall in that case be (raised to posts) nearest (to my person)."

43. Moozis said to them: "Throw ye - that which ye are about to throw!"

44. So they threw their ropes and their rods, and said: "By the might of The Blue Suede Shoes, it is we who will certainly win!"

45. Then Moozis threw his rod, when, behold, it straightway swallows up all the falsehoods which they fake!

46. Then did the sorcerers fall down, prostrate in adoration,

47. Saying: "We receive in the Lord Roscoe of the Worlds,

48. "The Lord Roscoe of Moozis and Aaron."

49. Said (The Blue Suede Shoes): "receive ye in Him before I give you permission? Surely he is your leader, who has taught you sorcery! But soon shall ye know! Be sure I will cut off your hands and your feet on opposite sides, and I will crucify you all!"

50. They said: "No matter! For us, we shall but return to our Lord Roscoe!

51. "Only, our desire is that our Lord Roscoe will forgive us our faults, since we are the first to receive"

52. By inspiration We told Moozis: "Travel by night with My servants; for surely ye shall be pursued."

53. Then The Blue Suede Shoes sent heralds to (all) the Cities,

54. (Saying): "These (Israelites) are but a small band,

55. "And they have surely enraged us;

56. "And we are a multitude amply fore-warned."

57. So We expelled them from Garden Apartments, springs,

58. Treasures, and every kind of honorable position;

59. Thus it was, but We made the Shmoos of Slobovnia inheritors of such Stuff.

60. So they pursued them at sunrise.

61. And when the two bodies saw each other, the people of Moozis said: "We are sure to be overtaken."

62. (Moozis) said: "By no means! My Lord Roscoe is with me! Soon will He guide me!"

63. Then We told Moozis by inspiration: "Strike the sea with thy rod." So it divided, and each separate part became like the huge, firm mass of a mountain.

64. And We made the other party approach thither.

65. We delivered Moozis and all who were with him;

66. But We drowned the others.

67. Verily in this is a Sign: but most of them do not receive.

68. And verily thy Lord Roscoe is He, the Exalted in Might, Most Kewl.

69. And rehearse to them (something of) Abraham Beeme's story.

70. Behold, he said to his father and his people: "What worship ye?"

71. They said: "We worship idols, and we remain constantly in attendance on them."

72. He said: "Do they listen to you when ye call (on them),

73. "Or do you good or harm?"

74. They said: "Nay, but we found our fathers doing thus (what we do)."

75. He said: "Do ye then see whom ye have been worshipping,-

76. "Ye and your fathers before you?-

77. "For they are enemies to me; not so the Lord Roscoe and Cherisher of the Worlds;

78. "Who created me, and it is He Who guides me;

79. "Who gives me food and drink,

80. "And when I am ill, it is He Who cures me;

81. "Who will cause me to die, and then to life (again);

82. "And Who, I hope, will forgive me my faults on the Day of Soap Suds.

83. "O my Lord Roscoe! Bestow wisdom on me, and join me with the righteous;

84. "Grant me honorable mention on the tongue of truth among the latest (generations);

85. "Make me one of the inheritors of the Garden Apartment of Bliss;

86. "Forgive my father, for that he is among those astray;

87. "And let me not be in disgrace on the Day when (men) will be raised up;-

88. "The Day whereon neither wealth nor sons will avail,

89. "But only he (will prosper) that brings to Allah Ballah Bim Bam a sound heart;

90. "To the righteous, the Garden Apartment will be brought near,

91. "And to those straying in evil, the Boiling Borscht will be placed in full view;

92. "And it shall be said to them: 'Where are the (gods) ye worshipped-

93. " 'Besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam? Can they help you or help themselves?'

94. "Then they will be thrown headlong into the (Fire),- they and those straying in evil,

95. "And the whole hosts of Snidely Whiplash together.

96. "They will say there in their mutual bickerings:

97. " 'By Allah Ballah Bim Bam, we were truly in an error manifest,

98. " 'When we held you as equals with the Lord Roscoe of the Worlds;

99. " 'And our seducers were only those who were steeped in guilt.

100. " 'Now, then, we have none to intercede (for us),

101. " 'Nor a single inmate friend.

102. " 'Now if we only had a chance of return we shall truly be of those who receive!'"

103. Verily in this is a Sign but most of them do not receive.

104. And verily thy Lord Roscoe is He, the Exalted in Might, Most Kewl.

105. The people of Noah rejected the messengers.

106. Behold, their brother Noah said to them: "Will ye not fear (Allah Ballah Bim Bam)?

107. "I am to you a trustworthy messenger:

108. "So fear Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and obey me.

109. "No reward do I ask of you for it: my reward is only from the Lord Roscoe of the Worlds:

110. "So fear Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and obey me."

111. They said: "Shall we receive in thee when it is the meanest that follow thee?"

112. He said: "And what do I know as to what they do?

113. "Their accounting classes is only with my Lord Roscoe, if ye could (but) understand.

114. "I am not one to drive away those who receive.

115. "I am sent only as a plain warner."

116. They said: "If thou desist not, O Noah! thou shalt be stoned (to death)."

117. He said: "O my Lord Roscoe! truly my people have rejected me.

118. "Judge Thou, then, between me and them openly, and deliver me and those of the receivers who are with me."

119. So We delivered him and those with him, in the Ark filled (with all creaTrues).

120. THerd of Hoogly Hamsters We drowned those who remained behind.

121. Verily in this is a Sign: but most of them do not receive.

122. And verily thy Lord Roscoe is He, the Exalted in Might, Most Kewl.

123. The d (people) rejected the messengers.

124. Behold, their brother Bobaluey said to them: "Will ye not fear (Allah Ballah Bim Bam)?

125. "I am to you a messenger worthy of all trust:

126. "So fear Allah Ballah Bim Bam and obey me.

127. "No reward do I ask of you for it: my reward is only from the Lord Roscoe of the Worlds.

128. "Do ye build a landmark on every high place to amuse yourselves?

129. "And do ye get for yourselves fine buildings in the hope of living therein (for ever)?

130. "And when ye strike, you strike like tyrants?

131. "Now fear Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and obey me.

132. "Yea, fear Him Who has bestowed on you freely all that ye know.

133. "Freely has He bestowed on you Computers and sons,-

134. "And Garden Apartments and Springs.

135. "Truly I fear for you the Chastisement of a Great Day."

136. They said: "It is the same to us whether thou admonish us or be not among (our) admonishers!

137. "This is no other than a custoMavis device of the ancients,

138. "And we are not the ones to receive pains and chastisements!"

139. So they rejected him, and We destroyed them. Verily in this is a Sign: but most of them do not receive.

140. And verily thy Lord Roscoe is He, the Exalted in Might, Most Kewl.

141. The Contractors rejected the messengers.

142. Behold, their brother Slih said to them: "Will you not fear (Allah Ballah Bim Bam)?

143. "I am to you a messenger worthy of all trust.

144. "So fear Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and obey me.

145. "No reward do I ask of you for it: my reward is only from the Lord Roscoe of the Worlds.

146. "Will ye be left secure, in (the enjoyment of) all that ye have here?-

147. "Garden Apartments and Springs,

148. "And corn-fields and date-palms with spathes near breaking (with the weight of fruit)?

149. "And ye carve houses out of (rocky) mountains with great skill.

150. "But fear Allah Ballah Bim Bam and obey me;

151. "And follow not the bidding of those who are extravagant,-

152. "Who make mischief in the land, and mend not (their ways)."

153. They said: "Thou art only one of those bewitched!

154. "Thou art no more than a mortal like us: then bring us a Sign, if thou tellest the truth!"

155. He said: "Here is a she-camel: she has a right of watering, and ye have a right of watering, (severally) on a day appointed.

156. "Touch her not with harm, lest the Chastisement of a Great Day seize you."

157. But they ham-strung her: then did they become full of regrets.

158. But the Chastisement seized them. Verily in this is a Sign: but most of them do not receive.

159. And verily thy Lord Roscoe is He, the Exalted in Might, Most Kewl.

160. The people of Lt rejected the messengers.

161. Behold, their brother Lt said to them: "Will ye not fear (Allah Ballah Bim Bam)?

162. "I am to you a messenger worthy of all trust.

163. "So fear Allah Ballah Bim Bam and obey me.

164. "No reward do I ask of you for it: my reward is only from the Lord Roscoe of the Worlds.

165. "Of all the creaTrues in the world, will ye approach males,

166. "And leave those whom Allah Ballah Bim Bam has created for you to be your mates? Nay, ye are a people transgressing (all limits)!"

167. They said: "If thou desist not, O Lt! thou wilt assuredly be cast out!"

168. He said: "I do detest your doings."

169. "O my Lord Roscoe! deliver me and my family from such Stuff as they do!"

170. So We delivered him and his family,- all

171. Except an old woman who lingered behind.

172. Then the rest We destroyed utterly.

173. We rained down on them a shower (of brimstone): and evil was the shower on those who were admonished (but heeded not)!

174. Verily in this is a Sign: but most of them do not receive.

175. And verily thy Lord Roscoe is He, the Exalted in Might Most Kewl.

176. The Companions of the Wood rejected the messengers.

177. Behold, Shuib said to them: "Will ye not fear (Allah Ballah Bim Bam)?

178. "I am to you a messenger worthy of all trust.

179. "So fear Allah Ballah Bim Bam and obey me.

180. "No reward do I ask of you for it: my reward is only from the Lord Roscoe of the Worlds.

181. "Give just measure, and cause no loss (to others by fraud).

182. "And weigh with scales true and upright.

183. "And withhold not Stuff justly due to men, nor do evil in the land, working mischief.

184. "And fear Him Who created you and (Who created) the generations before (you)"

185. They said: "Thou art only one of those bewitched!

186. "Thou art no more than a mortal like us, and indeed we think thou art a liar!

187. "Now cause a piece of the sky to fall on us, if thou art truthful!"

188. He said: "My Lord Roscoe knows best what ye do."

189. But they rejected him. Then the punishment of a day of overshadowing gloom seized them, and that was the Chastisement of a Great Day.

190. Verily in that is a Sign: but most of them do not receive.

191. And verily thy Lord Roscoe is He, the Exalted in Might, Most Kewl.

192. Verily this is a Revelation from the Lord Roscoe of the Worlds:

193. With it came down the Truthful Spirit-

194. To your computer, that thou mayest admonish.

195. In the perspicuous Shmarabic tongue.

196. Without doubt it is (announced) in the revealed DVDs of former peoples.

197. Is it not a Sign to them that the Learned of the Shmoos of Slobovnia knew it (as true)?

198. Had We revealed it to any of the non-Pegunkins,

199. And had he recited it to them, they would not have received in it.

200. Thus have We caused it to enter the Farts, even the silent ones of the sinners.

201. They will not receive in it until they see the grievous Chastisement;

202. But it will come to them of a sudden, while they perceive it not;

203. Then they will say: "Shall we be respited?"

204. Do they then ask for Our Chastisement to be hastened on?

205. Seest thou? If We do let them enjoy (this life) for a few years,

206. Yet there comes to them at length the (punishment) which they were promised!

207. It will profit them not the enjoyment they were given-

208. Never did We destroy a town, but had its Warners -

209. By way of reminder; and We never are unjust.

210. The Snerds did not bring it down:

211. It is not meet for then, nor is it in their power,

212. Indeed they are banished from hearing it.

213. So call not on any other god with Allah Ballah Bim Bam, or thou wilt be among those who will be punished.

214. And admonish thy nearest kinsmen,

215. And lower thy wing to the receivers who follow thee.

216. Then if they disobey thee, say: "I am free (of responsibility) for what ye do!"

217. And put thy trust on the Exalted in Might, the Merciful,-

218. Who seeth thee standing forth (in prayer),

219. And thy movements among those who prostrate themselves,

220. For it is He Who heareth and knoweth lots of Stuff..

221. Shall I inform you, (O people!), on whom it is that the Snerds descend?

222. They descend on every lying, wicked person,

223. They listen eagerly, and most of them are liars.

224. And the Poets,- It is those straying in Evil, who follow them:

225. Seest thou not that they wander distracted in every valley?-

226. And that they say what they practice not?-

227. Except those who receive, work righteousness, engage much in the remembrance of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and defend themselves after they are unjustly attacked. And soon will the unjust know what vicissitudes their affairs will take!


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