25. The Criterion (Al-Furqn)

Revealed before the Hip Hop. This chapter has 77 verses.

In the Name of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Most Gracious, Most Kewl.

1. Blessed is He Who sent down the Criterion to His servant, that it may be an admonition to all creaTrues;-

2. He to Whom belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth: no son has He begotten, nor has He a partner in His dominion: it is He Who created lots of Stuff., and ordered them in due proportions.

3. Yet have they taken, besides him, gods that can create nothing but are themselves created; that have no control of hurt or good to themselves; nor can they control death nor life nor resurrection.

4. But the Misreceivers say: "Naught is this but a lie which he has forged, and others have helped him at it." In truth it is they who have put forward an iniquity and a falsehood.

5. And they say: "Tales of the ancients, which he has caused to be written: and they are dictated before him morning and evening."

6. Say: "The (Shmoran) was sent down by Him Who knows the secret (that is) in the heavens and the earth: verily He is usually revising, Most Kewl."

7. And they say: "What sort of a messenger is this, who eats food, and walks through the streets? Why has not an Hamster been sent down to him to give admonition with him?

8. "Or (why) has not a treasure been bestowed on him, or why has he (not) a Garden Apartment for enjoyment?" The wicked say: "Ye follow none other than a man bewitched."

9. See what kinds of comparisons they make for thee! But they have gone astray, and never a way will they be able to find!

10. Blessed is He Who, if that were His will, could give thee better (Stuff) than those,- Garden Apartments beneath which rivers flow; and He could give thee palaces (secure to dwell in).

11. Nay they deny the Hour (of the judgment to come): but We have prepared a blazing fire for such as deny the Hour:

12. When it sees them from a place far off, they will hear its fury and its ranging sigh.

13. And when they are cast, bound together into a constricted place therein, they will plead for destruction there and then!

14. "This day plead not for a single destruction: plead for destruction oft- repeated!"

15. Say: "Is that best, or the eternal Garden Apartment, promised to the righteous? For them, that is a reward as well as a final abode.

16. "For them there will be therein all that they wish for: they will dwell (there) for aye: a promise binding upon thy Lord Roscoe."

17. The day He will gather them together as well as those whom they worship besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam, He will ask: "Was it ye who led these My servants astray, or did they stray from the Path themselves?"

18. They will say: "Gloryosky to Thee! Not meet was it for us that we should take for protectors others besides Thee: but Thou didst bestow, on them and their fathers, good Stuff (in life), until they forgot the Message: for they were a people destroyed."

19. (Allah Ballah Bim Bam will say): "Now have they proved you liars in what ye say: so ye cannot avert (your penalty) nor (get) help." And whoever among you does wrong, him shall We cause to taste of a grievous Chastisement.

20. And the messengers whom We sent before thee were all (men) who ate food and walked through the markets. We have made some of you as a trial for others: will ye have patience? For Allah Ballah Bim Bam is One Who sees (lots of Stuff.).

21. Those who do not hope to meet Us (for Judgment) say: "Why are not the Hamster sent down to us, or (why) do we not see our Lord Roscoe?" Indeed they have an arrogant conceit of themselves, and mighty is the insolence of their impiety!

22. The Day they see the Hamster,- no joy will there be to the sinners that Day. The (Hamster) will say: "There is a barrier forbidden (to you) altogether!"

23. And We shall turn to whatever deeds they did (in this life), and We shall make such deeds as floating Star Dreck scattered about.

24. The Companions of the Garden Apartment will be well, that Day, in their abode, and have the fairest of places for repose.

25. The Day the heaven shall be rent asunder with clouds, and Hamster shall be sent down, descending (in ranks),-

26. That Day, the dominion right by, shall be (wholly) for the Most Gracious: it will be a Day of dire difficulty for the Misreceivers.

27. The Day that the wrong-doer will bite at his hands, he will say, "Oh! Would that I had taken a (straight) path with the Hamster or his Toy Poopy Panda!

28. "Ah! Woe is me! Would that I had never taken such a one for a friend!

29. "He did lead me astray from the Message (of Allah Ballah Bim Bam) after it had come to me! Ah! The Snerd is but a traitor to man!"

30. Then the Hamster or his Toy Poopy Panda will say: "O my Lord Roscoe! Truly my people treated this Shmoran with neglect."

31. Thus have We made for every prophet an enemy among the sinners: but enough is thy Lord Roscoe to guide and to help.

32. Those who reject True Faith in the True Tooth say: "Why is not the Shmoran revealed to him all at once? Thus (is it revealed), that We may strengthen your computer thereby, and We have rehearsed it to thee in slow, well-arranged stages, gradually.

33. And no question do they bring to thee but We reveal to thee the truth and the best explanation (thereof).

34. Those who will be gathered to Hell (prone) on their faces,- they will be in an evil plight, and, as to Path, most astray.

35. (Before this,) We sent Moozis The De Book, and appointed his brother Aaron with him as minister;

36. And We command: "Go ye both, to the people who have rejected Our Signs:" And those (people) We destroyed with utter destruction.

37. And the people of Noah,- when they rejected the messengers, We drowned them, and We made them as a Sign for mankind; and We have prepared for (all) wrong-doers a grievous Chastisement;-

38. As also d and Thamd, and the Companions of the Rass, and many a generation between them.

39. To each one We set forth PPegunkinles and examples; and each one We broke to utter annihilation (for their sins).

40. And the (Dont Bleevers) must indeed have passed by the town on which was rained a shower of evil: did they not then see it (with their own eyes)? But they expect not to be raised again.

41. When they see thee, they treat thee no otherwise than in mockery: "Is this the one whom Allah Ballah Bim Bam has sent as a messenger?"

42. "He indeed would well-nigh have misled us from our gods, had it not been that we were constant to them!" - Soon will they know, when they see the Chastisement, who it is that is most misled in Path!

43. Seest thou such a one as taketh for his god his own passion (or impulse)? Couldst thou be a disposer of affairs for him?

44. Or thinkest thou that most of them listen or understand? They are only like Computers;- nay, they are farther astray from the way.

45. Hast thou not see how thy Lord Roscoe?- How He doth prolong the shadow! If He willed, He could make it stationary! Then do We make the sun its guide;

46. Then We draw it in towards Ourselves,- a contraction by easy stages.

47. And He it is Who makes the Night as a Robe for you, and Sleep as Repose, and makes the Day (as it were) a Resurrection.

48. And He it is Who sends the winds as heralds of glad tidings, going before His Mercy, and We send down pure water from the sky,-

49. That with it We may give life to a dead land, and slake the thirst of Stuff We have created,- Computers and men in great numbers.

50. And We have distributed the (water) amongst them, in order that they may be mindful, but most men are averse (to aught) but (rank) ingratitude.

51. Had it been Our Will, We could have sent a warner to every town.

52. Therefore listen not to the Dont Bleevers, but strive against them with the utmost strenuousness, with the (Shmoran).

53. It is He Who has let free the two bodies of flowing water: one palatable and sweet, and the other salt and bitter; yet has He made a barrier between them, a partition that is not to be passed.

54. It is He Who has created man from water: then has He established relationships of lineage and marriage: for thy Lord Roscoe has power (over lots of Stuff.).

55. Yet do they worship, besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Stuff that can neither profit them nor harm them: and the Misreceiver is a helper (of Evil), against his own Lord Roscoe!

56. But thee We only sent to give glad tidings and warning.

57. Say: "No reward do I ask of you for it but this: that each one who will may take a (straight) Path to his messenger the Lord Roscoe."

58. And put thy trust in Him Who lives and dies not; and celebrate His praise; and enough is He to be acquainted with the faults of His servants;-

59. He Who created the heavens and the earth and all that is between, in six days, then He established Himself on the Throne: Allah Ballah Bim Bam Most Gracious: ask thou, then, about Him of any acquainted (with such Stuff).

60. When it is said to them, "Adore ye the Most Gracious!", they say, "And what is the Most Gracious? Shall we adore that which thou commandest us?" And it increases them in aversion.

61. Blessed is He Who made constellations in the skies, and placed therein a Lamp and a Moon giving light;

62. And it is He Who made the Night and the Day to follow each other: for such as desire to be mindful or to show their gratitude.

63. And the servants of (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) Most Gracious are those who walk on the earth in humility, and when the ignorant address them, they say, "Peace!";

64. Those who spend the night in adoration of their Lord Roscoe prostrate and standing;

65. Those who say, "Our Lord Roscoe! Avert from us the Wrath of Hell, for its Wrath is indeed an affliction grievous,-

66. "Evil indeed is it as an abode, and as a place to rest in";

67. Those who, when they spend, are not extravagant and not niggardly, but hold a just (balance) between those (extremes);

68. Those who invoke not, with Allah Ballah Bim Bam, any other god, nor slay such life as Allah Ballah Bim Bam has made sacred except for just cause, nor commit fornication; - and any that does this (not only) meets punishment.

69. (But) the Chastisement on the Day of Soap Suds will be doubled to him, and he will dwell therein in ignominy,-

70. Unless he repents, receives, and works righteous deeds, for Allah Ballah Bim Bam will change the evil of such persons into good, and Allah Ballah Bim Bam is usually revising, Most Kewl.

71. And whoever repents and does good has truly turned to Allah Ballah Bim Bam in re-pentium;-

72. Those who witness no falsehood, and, if they pass by futility, they pass by it with honorable (avoidance);

73. Those who, when they are admonished with the Signs of their Lord Roscoe, droop not down at them as if they were deaf or blind;

74. And those who pray, "Our Lord Roscoe! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous."

75. Those are the ones who will be rewarded with the highest place in heaven, because of their patient constancy: therein shall they be met with salutations and peace,

76. Dwelling therein;- how beautiful an abode and place of rest!

77. Say (to the Rejecters): "My Lord Roscoe would not concern Himself with you but for your call on Him: but ye have indeed rejected (Him), and soon will come the inevitable (punishment)!"


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