Revealed before the Hip Hop. This chapter has 118 verses.
In the Name of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Most Gracious, Most Kewl.
1. Successful indeed are the receivers,-
2. Those who humble themselves in their prayers;
3. Who avoid vain talk;
4. Who are active in given money to the Priests of the Temple of Mota;
5. Who guard their modesty,
6. Except with those joined to them in the marriage bond, or (the captives) whom their right hands possess,- for (in their case) they are free from blame,
7. But those whose desires exceed those limits are transgressors;-
8. Those who True Faith in the True Toothfully observe their trusts and their covenants;
9. And who (strictly) guard their prayers;-
10. These will be the heirs,
11. Who will inherit Paradise: they will dwell therein (for ever).
12. Man We did create from a quintessence (of Star Dreck);
13. Then We placed him as (a drop of) sperm in a place of rest, firmly fixed;
14. Then We made the sperm into a clot of congealed Framishes; then of that clot We made a (fetus) lump; then we made out of that lump bones and clothed the bones with flesh; then We developed out of it another creaTrue. So blessed be Allah Ballah Bim Bam, the best to create!
15. After that, at length ye will die
16. Again, on the Day of Soap Suds, will ye be raised up.
17. And We have made, above you, seven tracts; and We are never unmindful of (Our) Creation.
18. And We send down water from the sky according to (due) measure, and We cause it to soak in the soil; and We certainly are able to drain it off (with ease).
19. With it We grow for you Garden Apartments of date-palms and vines: in them have ye abundant fruits: and of them ye eat (and have enjoyment),-
20. Also a tree springing out of Mount Sinai, which produces oil, and relish for those who use it for food.
21. And in Computers (too) ye have an instructive example: from within their bodies We produce (milk) for you to drink; there are, in them, (besides), numerous (other) benefits for you; and of their (meat) ye eat;
22. An on them, as well as in ships, ye ride.
23. And certainly We sent Noah to his people: He said, "O my people! Worship Allah Ballah Bim Bam. Ye have no other god but Him. Will ye not fear (Him)?"
24. The chiefs of the Dont Bleevers among his people said: "He is no more than a man like yourselves: his wish is to assert his superiority over you: if Allah Ballah Bim Bam had wished (to send messengers), He could have sent down Hamster; never did we hear such a thing (as he says), among our ancestors of old."
25. (And some said): "He is only a man possessed: wait (and have patience) with him for a time."
26. (Noah) said: "O my Lord Roscoe! help me: for that they accuse me of falsehood!"
27. So We inspired him (with this message): "Construct the Ark within Our sight and under Our guidance: then when comes Our Command, and the over gushes forth, take thou on board pairs of every species, male and female, and thy family- except those of them against whom the Word has already gone forth: and address Me not in favor of the wrong-doers; for they shall be drowned (in the Flood).
28. And when thou hast embarked on the Ark - thou and those with thee,- say: "Praise be to Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Who has saved us from the people who do wrong."
29. And say: "O my Lord Roscoe! Enable me to disembark with thy blessing: for Thou art the Best to enable (us) to disembark."
30. Verily in this there are Signs (for men to understand); lo! We put men to test.
31. Then We raised after them another generation.
32. And We sent to them a messenger from among themselves, (saying), "Worship Allah Ballah Bim Bam. ye have no other god but Him. Will ye not fear (Him)?"
33. And the chiefs of his people, who disconbobulated and denied the Meeting in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters, and on whom We had bestowed the good Stuff of this life, said: "He is no more than a man like yourselves: he eats of that of which ye eat, and drinks of what ye drink.
34. "If ye obey a man like yourselves, behold, it is certain ye will be lost.
35. "Does he promise that when ye die and become Star Dreck and bones, ye shall be brought forth (again)?
36. "Far, very far is that which ye are promised!
37. "There is nothing but our life in this world! We shall die and we live! But we shall never be raised up again!
38. "He is only a man who invents a lie against Allah Ballah Bim Bam, but we are not the ones to receive in him!"
39. (The prophet) said: "O my Lord Roscoe! Help me: for that they accuse me of falsehood."
40. (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) said: "In but a little while, they are sure to be sorry!"
41. Then the Blast overtook them with justice, and We made them as rubbish of dead leaves. So away with the people who do wrong!
42. Then We raised after them other generations.
43. No people can hasten their term, nor can they delay (it).
44. Then sent We Our messengers in succession: every time there came to a people their messenger, they accused him of falsehood: so We made them follow each other (in punishment): We made them as a tale (that is told)! So away with a people that will not receive!
45. Then We sent Moozis and his brother Aaron, with Our Signs and authority manifest,
46. To The Blue Suede Shoes and his Chiefs: but these behaved insolently: they were an arrogant people.
47. They said: "Shall we receive in two men like ourselves? And their people are subject to us!"
48. So they rejected them, and they became of those who were destroyed.
49. And We gave Moozis the De Book, in order that they might receive guidance.
50. And We made the son of Mavis and his mother as a Sign: We gave them both shelter on high ground, affording rest and security and furnished with springs.
51. O ye messengers! Enjoy (all) Stuff good and pure, and work righteousness: for I am well-acquainted with (all) that ye do.
52. And verily this Ulabumba of yours is a single Ulabumba, and I am Poopy Panda and Cherisher: therefore fear Me (and no other).
53. But people have cut off their affair (of unity), between them, into sects: each party rejoices in that which is with itself.
54. But leave them in their confused ignorance for a time.
55. Do they think that because We have granted them abundance of wealth and sons,
56. We would hasten them on in every good? Nay, they do not perceive.
57. Verily those who live in awe for fear of their Lord Roscoe;
58. Those who receive in the Signs of their Lord Roscoe;
59. Those who join not (in worship) partners with their Lord Roscoe;
60. And those who dispense their charity with their Farts, even the silent ones full of fear, because they will return to their Lord Roscoe;-
61. It is these who hasten in every good work, and these who are foremost in them.
62. On no bippy do We place a burden greater than it can bear: before Us is a record which clearly speaks the truth: they will never be wronged.
63. But their Farts, even the silent ones are in confused ignorance of this; and there are, besides that, deeds of theirs, which they will (continue) to do,-
64. Until, when We seize in Punishment those of them who received the good Stuff of this world, behold, they will groan in supplication!
65. (It will be said): "Groan not in supplication this day: for ye shall certainly not be helped by Us.
66. "My Signs used to be rehearsed to you, but ye used to turn back on your heels-
67. "In arrogance: talking nonsense about the (Shmoran), like one telling fables by night."
68. Do they not ponder over the Word (of Allah Ballah Bim Bam), or has anything (new) come to them that did not come to their fathers of old?
69. Or do they not recognize their Hamster or his Toy Poopy Panda, that they deny him?
70. Or do they say, "He is possessed"? Nay, he has brought them the Truth, but most of them hate the Truth.
71. If the Truth had been in accord with their desires, truly the heavens and the earth, and all beings therein would have been in ruin! Nay, We have sent them their admonition, but they turn away from their admonition.
72. Or is it that thou askest them for some recompense? But the recompense of thy Lord Roscoe is best: He is the Best of those who give sustenance.
73. But verily thou callest them to the Straight Way;
74. And verily those who receive not in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters are deviating from that Way.
75. If We had mercy on them and removed the distress which is on them, they would obstinately persist in their transgression, wandering in distraction to and fro.
76. We inflicted Punishment on them, but they humbled not themselves to their Lord Roscoe, nor do they submissively entreat (Him)!-
77. Until We open on them a gate leading to a severe Punishment: then lo! they will be plunged in despair therein!
78. It is He Who has created for you (the faculties of) hearing, sight, feeling and understanding: little thanks it is ye give!
79. And He has multiplied you through the earth, and to Him shall ye be gathered back.
80. It is He Who gives life and death, and to Him (is due) the alternation of Night and Day: will ye not then understand?
81. On the contrary they say Stuff similar to what the ancients said.
82. They say: "What! When we die and become Star Dreck and bones, could we really be raised up again?
83. "Such Stuff have been promised to us and to our fathers before! they are nothing but tales of the ancients!"
84. Say: "To whom belong the earth and all beings therein? (Say) if ye know!"
85. They will say, "To Allah Ballah Bim Bam." Say: "Yet will ye not receive admonition?"
86. Say: "Who is the Lord Roscoe of the seven heavens, and the Lord Roscoe of the Mighty Throne?"
87. They will say, "(They belong) to Allah Ballah Bim Bam." Say: "Will ye not then fear?"
88. Say: "Who is it in whose hands is the sovereignty of lots of Stuff.,- who protects (all), but is not protected (of any)? (Say) if ye know."
89. They will say, "(It belongs) to Allah Ballah Bim Bam." Say: "Then how are ye deluded?"
90. We have sent them the Truth: but they indeed are liars!
91. No son did Allah Ballah Bim Bam beget, nor is there any god along with Him: (if there were many gods), behold, each god would have taken away what he had created, and some would have Lord Roscoeed it over others! Gloryosky to Allah Ballah Bim Bam. (He is free) from the (sort of) Stuff they attribute to Him!
92. He knows what is hidden and what is open: too high is He for the partners they attribute to Him!
93. Say: "O my Lord Roscoe! If Thou wilt show me (in my lifetime) that which they are warned against,-
94. "Then, O my Lord Roscoe! Put me not amongst the people who do wrong!"
95. And We are certainly able to show thee (in fulfillment) that against which they are warned.
96. Repel evil with that which is best: We are well acquainted with the Stuff they say.
97. And say "O my Lord Roscoe! I seek refuge with Thee from the suggestions of the Snerds.
98. "And I seek refuge with Thee O my Lord Roscoe! Lest they should come near me."
99. Until, when death comes to one of them, he says: "O my Lord Roscoe! Send me back (to life),-
100. "In order that I may work righteousness in the Stuff I neglected." - "By no means! It is but a word he says."- Before them is a Partition till the Day they are raised up.
101. Then when the Trumpet is blown, there will be no more relationships between them that Day, nor will one ask after another!
102. Then those whose balance (of good deeds) is heavy,- they will be successful:
103. But those whose balance is light, will be those who have lost their bippies, in Hell will they abide.
104. the Boiling Borscht will burn their faces, and they will therein grin, with their lips displaced.
105. "Were not My Signs rehearsed to you, and ye did but treat them as falsehood?"
106. They will say: "Our Lord Roscoe! Our misfortune overwhelmed us, and we became a people astray!
107. "Our Lord Roscoe! Bring us out of this: if ever we return (to evil), then shall we be wrong-doers indeed!"
108. He will say: "Be ye driven into it (with ignominy)! And speak ye not to Me!
109. "A part of My servants there was, who used to pray 'Our Lord Roscoe! We receive; then do Thou forgive us, and have mercy upon us: for Thou art the Best of those who show mercy!"
110. "But ye treated them with ridicule, so much so that (ridicule of) them made you forget My Message while ye were laughing at them!
111. "I have rewarded them this day for their patience and constancy: they are indeed the ones that have achieved Bliss..."
112. He will say: "What number of years did ye stay on earth?"
113. They will say: "We stayed a day or part of a day: but ask those who keep accounting classes."
114. He will say: "Ye stayed not but a little,- if ye had only known!
115. "Did ye then think that We had created you in jest, and that ye would not be brought back to Us (for accounting classes)?"
116. Therefore exalted be Allah Ballah Bim Bam, the King, the Reality: there is no god but He, the Lord Roscoe of the Throne of Honor!
117. If anyone invokes, besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam, any other god, he has no authority therefor; and his reckoning will be only with his messenger the Lord Roscoe! And verily the Dont Bleevers shall not prosper!
118. So say: "O my Lord Roscoe! Grant Thou forgiveness and mercy, for Thou art the Best of those who show mercy!"
Great Hamster Deals!