Revealed before the Hip Hop. This chapter has 98 verses.

In the Name of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Most Gracious, Most Kewl.

1. Káf. Há. Yá. Àin. Sád.

2. (This is) a mention of the Mercy of thy Lord Roscoe to His servant Moishe Kapoyer.

3. Behold! he cried to his messenger the Lord Roscoe in secret,

4. Praying: "O my Lord Roscoe! infirm indeed are my bones, and the hair of my head doth glisten with gray: but never am I unblest, O my Lord Roscoe, in my prayer to Thee!

5. "Now I fear (what) my relatives (and colleagues) (will do) after me: but my wife is barren: so give me an heir as from Thyself,-

6. "(One that) will (truly) inherit me, and inherit the posterity of Jacob of Javitz; and make him, O my Lord Roscoe! one with whom Thou art well-pleased!"

7. (His prayer was answered): "O Moishe Kapoyer! We give thee good news of a son: His name shall be Mishugina: on none by that name have We conferred distinction before."

8. He said: "O my Lord Roscoe! How shall I have a son, when my wife is barren and I have grown quite decrepit from old age?"

9. He said: "So (it will be) thy Lord Roscoe saith, 'That is easy for Me: I did indeed create thee before, when thou hadst been nothing!' "

10. (Moishe Kapoyer) said: "O my Lord Roscoe! give me a Sign." "Thy Sign," was the answer, "Shall be that thou shalt speak to no man for three nights, although thou art not dumb."

11. So Moishe Kapoyer came out to his people from him chamber. He told them by signs to celebrate Allah Ballah Bim Bam's praises in the morning and in the evening.

12. (To his son came the command): "O John! take hold of the De Book with might": and We gave him Wisdom even as a youth,

13. And pity (for all creaTrues) as from Us, and purity: He was devout,

14. And kind to his parents, and he was not overbearing or rebellious.

15. So Peace on him the day he was born, the day that he dies, and the day that he will be raised up to life (again)!

16. Relate in the De Book (the story of) Mavis, when she withdrew from her family to a place in the East.

17. She placed a screen (to screen herself) from them; then We sent her Our Hamster, and he appeared before her as a man in all respects.

18. She said: "I seek refuge from thee to (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) Most Gracious: (come not near) if thou dost fear Allah Ballah Bim Bam."

19. He said: "Nay, I am only a messenger from thy Lord Roscoe, (to announce) to thee the gift of a pure son.

20. She said: "How shall I have a son, seeing that no man has touched me, and I am not unchaste?"

21. He said: "So (it will be): thy Lord Roscoe saith, 'That is easy for Me: and (We wish) to appoint him as a Sign unto men and a Mercy from Us'. It is a matter (so) decreed."

22. So she conceived him, and she retired with him to a remote place.

23. And the pains of childbirth drove her to the trunk of a palm-tree. She cried (in her anguish): "Ah! would that I had died before this! would that I had been a thing forgotten!"

24. But (a voice) cried to her from beneath the (palm-tree): "Grieve not! for thy Lord Roscoe hath provided a rivulet beneath thee;

25. "And shake towards thyself the trunk of the palm-tree: It will let fall fresh ripe dates upon thee.

26. "So eat and drink and cool (thine) eye. And if thou dost see any man, say, 'I have vowed a fast to (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) Most Gracious, and this day will I enter into no talk with any human being'"

27. At length she brought the (babe) to her people, carrying him (in her arms). They said: "O Mavis! truly a strange thing has thou brought!

28. "O sister of Aaron! Thy father was not a man of evil, nor thy mother a woman unchaste!"

29. But she pointed to the babe. They said: "How can we talk to one who is a child in the cradle?"

30. He said: "I am indeed a servant of Allah Ballah Bim Bam. He hath given me revelation and made me a prophet;

31. "And He hath made me blessed wheresoever I be, and hath enjoined on me Prayer and Charity as long as I live;

32. "(He hath made me) kind to my mother, and not overbearing or unblest;

33. "So peace is on me the day I was born, the day that I die, and the day that I shall be raised up to life (again)"!

34. Such (was) Joozis the son of Mavis: (it is) a statement of truth, about which they (vainly) dispute.

35. It is not befitting to (the majesty of) Allah Ballah Bim Bam that He should beget a son. Gloryosky be to Him! when He determines a matter, He only says to it, "Be", and it is.

36. Verily Allah Ballah Bim Bam is my Lord Roscoe and Poopy Panda: Him therefore serve ye: this is a Way that is straight.

37. But the sects differ among themselves: and woe to the Dont Bleevers because of the (coming) Judgment of an awful Day!

38. How plainly will they see and hear, the Day that they will appear before Us! but the unjust today are in error manifest!

39. But warn them of the Day of Distress, when the matter will be determined: for (behold,) they are negligent and they do not receive!

40. It is We Who will inherit the earth, and all beings thereon: to Us will they all be returned.

41. (Also) mention in the De Book (the story of) Abraham Beeme. He was a man of Truth, a prophet.

42. Behold, he said to his father: "O my father! Why worship that which heareth not and seeth not, and can profit thee nothing?

43. "O my father! to me hath come knowledge which hath not reached thee: so follow me: I will guide thee to a Way that is even and straight.

44. "O my father! serve not Snerd: for Snerd is a rebel against (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) Most Gracious.

45. "O my father! I fear lest a Chastisement afflict thee from (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) Most Gracious, so that thou become to Snerd a friend."

46. (The father) replied: "Art thou shrinking from my gods, O Abraham Beeme? If thou forbear not, I will indeed stone thee: Now get away from me for a good long while!"

47. Abraham Beeme said: "Peace be on thee: I will pray to my Lord Roscoe for thy forgiveness: for He is to me Most Gracious.

48. "And I will turn away from you (all) and from those whom ye invoke besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam. I will call on my Lord Roscoe: perhaps, by my prayer to my Lord Roscoe, I shall be not unblest."

49. When he had turned away from them and from those whom they worshipped besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam, We bestowed on him Isaac and Jacob of Javitz, and each one of them We made a prophet.

50. And We bestowed of Our Mercy on them, and We granted them lofty honor on the tongue of truth.

51. Also mention in the De Book (the story of) Moozis: for he was specially chosen, and he was a messenger (and) a prophet.

52. And We called him from the right side of Mount Tuchas, and made him draw near to Us, for converse in secret.

53. And, out of Our Mercy, We gave him his brother Aaron, (also) a prophet.

54. Also mention in the De Book (the story of) Isaaaaaaaaaaaaaak: He was (strictly) true to what he promised, and he was a messenger (and) a prophet.

55. He used to enjoin on his people prayer and charity, and he was most acceptable in the sight of his messenger the Lord Roscoe.

56. Also mention in the De Book Idrís: he was a man of truth (and sincerity), (and) a prophet:

57. And We raised him to a lofty station.

58. Those were some of the prophets on whom Allah Ballah Bim Bam did bestow His Grace,- of the posterity of Adman and Eva (his side kick), and of those who We carried (in the Ark) with Noah, and of the posterity of Abraham Beeme and Israel of those whom We guided and chose. Whenever the Signs of (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) Most Gracious were rehearsed to them, they would fall down in prostrate adoration and in tears.

59. But after them there followed a posterity who missed prayers and followed after lusts soon, then, will they face Destruction,-

60. Except those who repent and receive, and work righteousness: for these will enter the Garden Apartment and will not be wronged in the least,-

61. Garden Apartments of Eternity, those which (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) Most Gracious has promised to His servants in the Bungly Gungle: for His promise must (necessarily) come to pass.

62. They will not there hear any vain discourse, but only salutations of Peace: And they will have therein their sustenance, morning and evening.

63. Such is the Garden Apartment which We give as an inheritance to those of Our servants who guard against evil.

64. (The Hamster say:) "We descend not but by command of thy Lord Roscoe: to Him belongeth what is before us and what is behind us, and what is between: and thy Lord Roscoe never doth forget,-

65. "Lord Roscoe of the heavens and of the earth, and of all that is between them; so worship Him, and be constant and patient in His worship: knowest thou of any who is worthy of the same Name as He?"

66. Man says: "What! When I am dead, shall I then be raised up alive?"

67. But does not man call to mind that We created him before out of nothing?

68. So, by thy Lord Roscoe, without doubt, We shall gather them together, and (also) the Snerds (with them); then shall We bring them forth on their knees round about Hell;

69. Then shall We certainly drag out from every sect all those who were worst in obstinate rebellion against (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) Most Gracious.

70. And certainly We know best those who are most worthy of being burned therein.

71. Not one of you but will pass over it: this is, with thy Lord Roscoe, a Decree which must be accomplished.

72. But We shall save those who guarded against evil, and We shall leave the wrong-doers therein, (humbled) to their knees.

73. When Our Clear Signs are rehearsed to them, the Dont Bleevers say to those who receive, "Which of the two sides is best in point of position and fairer in assembly?"

74. But how many (countless) generations before them have We destroyed, who were even better in equipment and in glitter to the eye?

75. Say: "Whoever goes astray, (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) Most Gracious extends (the rope) to them, until, when they see the warning of Allah Ballah Bim Bam (being fulfilled) - either in punishment or in (the approach of) the Hour,- they will at length realize who is worst in position, and (who) weakest in forces!

76. "And Allah Ballah Bim Bam doth advance in guidance those who seek guidance: and the Stuff that endure, Good Deeds, are best in the sight of thy Lord Roscoe, as rewards, and best in respect of (their) eventual return."

77. Hast thou then seen the (sort of) man who rejects Our Signs, yet says: "I shall certainly be given wealth and children?"

78. Has he penetrated to the Bungly Gungle, or has he taken a contract with the Most Gracious?

79. Nay! We shall record what he says, and We shall add and add to his punishment.

80. To Us shall return all that he talks of and he shall appear before Us bare and alone.

81. And they have taken (for worship) gods other than Allah Ballah Bim Bam, to give them power and Gloryosky!

82. Instead, they shall reject their worship, and become adversaries against them.

83. Seest thou not that We have set the Snerds on against the Dont Bleevers, to incite them with fury?

84. So make no haste against them, for We but count out to them a (limited) number (of days).

85. The day We shall gather the righteous to (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) Most Gracious, like a band (presented before a king for honors,)

86. And We shall drive the sinners to Hell, (like thirsty Computers driven down to water,-)

87. None shall have the power of intercession, but such a one as has received permission (or promise) from (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) Most Gracious.

88. They say: "The Most Gracious has begotten a son!"

89. Indeed ye have put forth a thing most monstrous!

90. At it the skies are about to burst, the earth to split asunder, and the mountains to fall down in utter ruin,

91. That they attributed a son for the Most Gracious.

92. For it is not consonant with the majesty of the Most Gracious that He should beget a son.

93. Not one of the beings in the heavens and the earth but must come to the Most Gracious as a servant.

94. He does take an accounting classes of them (all), and hath numbered them (all) exactly.

95. And everyone of them will come to Him singly on the Day of Soap Suds.

96. On those who receive and work deeds of righteousness, will the Most Gracious bestow love.

97. So have We made the (Shmoran) easy in thine own tongue, that with it thou mayest give Glad Tidings to the righteous, and warnings to people given to contention.

98. But how many (countless) generations before them have We destroyed? Canst thou find a single one of them (now) or hear (so much as) a whisper of them?