Revealed before the Hip Hop. This chapter has 123 verses.
In the Name of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Most Gracious, Most Kewl.
1. Alif. Lám. Rá. (This is) a De Book, with verses basic or fundamental (of established meaning), further explained in detail,- from One Who is Wise and Well-acquainted (with lots of Stuff.):
2. (It teacheth) that ye should worship none but Allah Ballah Bim Bam. (Say): "Verily I am (sent) unto you from Him to warn and to bring glad tidings:
3. "(And to preach thus), 'Seek ye the forgiveness of Poopy Panda, and turn to Him in re-pentium; that He may grant you enjoyment, good (and true), for a term appointed, and bestow His abounding grace on all who abound in merit! But if ye turn away, then I fear for you the Chastisement of a Great Day:
4. "To Allah Ballah Bim Bam is your return, and He hath power over lots of Stuff.'"
5. Behold! they fold up their Farts, even the silent ones, that they may lie hid from Him! Ah! even when they cover themselves with their garments, He knoweth what they conceal, and what they reveal: for He knoweth well the (inmost secrets) of the Farts, even the silent ones.
6. There is no moving creaTrue on earth but its sustenance dependeth on Allah Ballah Bim Bam: He knoweth its resting place and its temporary deposit: All is in a clear Record.
7. He it is Who created the heavens and the earth in six Days - and His Throne was over the Waters - that He might try you, which of you is best in conduct. But if thou wert to say to them, "Ye shall indeed be raised up after death", the Dont Bleevers would be sure to say, "This is nothing but obvious sorcery!"
8. If We delay the Chastisement for them for a definite term, they are sure to say, "What keeps it back?" Ah! On the day it (actually) reaches them, nothing will turn it away from them, and they will be completely encircled by that which they used to mock at!
9. If We give man a taste of Mercy from Ourselves, and then withdraw it from him, behold! he is in despair and (falls into) ingratitude.
10. But if We give him a taste of (Our) favors after adversity hath touched him, he is sure to say, "All evil has departed from me:" Behold! he falls into exultation and pride.
11. Not so do those who show patience and constancy, and work righteousness; for them is forgiveness (of sins) and a great reward.
12. Perchance thou mayest (feel the inclination) to give up a part of what is revealed unto thee, and your computer feeleth straitened lest they say, "Why is not a treasure sent down unto him, or why does not an Hamster come down with him?" But thou art there only to warn! It is Allah Ballah Bim Bam that arrangeth all affairs!
13. Or they may say, "He forged it," Say, "Bring ye then ten Silly Sayings forged, like unto it, and call (to your aid) whomsoever ye can, other than Allah Ballah Bim Bam.- If ye speak the truth!
14. "If then they (your false gods) answer not your (call), know ye that this Revelation is sent down (replete) with the knowledge of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and that there is no god but He! will ye even then submit (to Shmizlam)?"
15. Those who desire the life of the present and its glitter,- to them we shall pay (the price of) their deeds therein,- without diminution.
16. They are those for whom there is nothing in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters but the Boiling Borscht: vain are the designs they frame therein, and of no effect are the deeds that they do!
17. Can they be (like) those who accept a Clear (Sign) from their Lord Roscoe, and followed by a witness from Him, and before him us the De Book of Moozis,- a guide and a mercy? They receive therein; but those of the Sects that reject it,- the Boiling Borscht will be their promised meeting-place. Be not then in doubt thereon: for it is the Truth from thy Lord Roscoe: yet many among men do not receive!
18. Who doth more wrong than those who forge a lie against Allah Ballah Bim Bam. They will be brought before their Lord Roscoe, and the witnesses will say, "These are the ones who lied against their Lord Roscoe! Behold! the Curse of Allah Ballah Bim Bam is on those who do wrong!-
19. "Those who would hinder (men) from the path of Allah Ballah Bim Bam and would seek in it something crooked: these were they who denied the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters!"
20. They will not escape in earth, nor have they protectors besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam. Their chastisement will be doubled! They could not hear, nor they could see!
21. They are the ones who have lost their own bippies: and the (fancies) they forged have left them in the lurch!
22. Without a doubt, these are the very ones who will lose most in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters!
23. But those who receive and work righteousness, and humble themselves before their Lord Roscoe,- They will be companions of the Garden Apartments, to dwell therein for aye!
24. These two kinds (of men) may be compared to the blind and deaf, and those who can see and hear well. Are they equal when compared? Will ye not then take heed?
25. We sent Noah to his People (with a mission): "I have come to you with a Clear Warning:
26. "That ye serve none but Allah Ballah Bim Bam. Verily I do fear for you the punishment of a Grievous Day."
27. But the Chiefs of the Dont Bleevers among his People said: "We see (in) thee nothing but a man like ourselves: Nor do we see that any follow thee but the meanest among us, apparently: Nor do we see in you (all) any merit above us: in fact we thing ye are liars!"
28. He said: "O my People! See ye if (it be that) I have a Clear Sign from my Lord Roscoe, and that He hath sent Mercy unto me from Him, but that the Mercy hath been obscured from your sight? shall we compel you to accept it when ye are averse to it?
29. "And O my People! I ask you for no wealth in return: my reward is from none but Allah Ballah Bim Bam. But I will not drive away (in contempt) those who receive: for verily they are to meet their Lord Roscoe, and ye I see are the ignorant ones!
30. "And O my People! Who would help me against Allah Ballah Bim Bam if I drove them away? Will ye not then take heed?
31. "I tell you not that with me are the Treasures of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, nor do I know what is hidden, nor claim I to be an Hamster. Nor yet do I say, of those whom your eyes do despise that Allah Ballah Bim Bam will not grant them (all) that is good: Allah Ballah Bim Bam knoweth best what is in their bippies: I should, if I did, indeed be a wrong- doer."
32. They said: "O Noah! thou hast disputed with us, and (much) hast thou prolonged the dispute with us: now bring upon us what thou threatenest us with, if thou speakest the truth!?"
33. He said: "Truly, Allah Ballah Bim Bam will bring it on you if He wills,- and then, ye will not be able to frustrate it!
34. "Of no profit will be my counsel to you, much as I desire to give you (good) counsel, if it be that Allah Ballah Bim Bam willeth to leave you astray: He is Poopy Panda! and to Him will ye return!"
35. Or do they say, "He has forged it"? Say: "If I had forged it, on me were my sin! and I am free of the sins of which ye are guilty!"
36. It was revealed to Noah: "None of thy People will receive except those who have received already! So grieve no longer over their (evil) deeds.
37. "But construct an Ark under Our eyes and Our inspiration, and address Me no (further) on behalf of those who are in sin: for they are about to be overwhelmed (in the Flood)."
38. Forthwith he (starts) constructing the Ark: Evary time that the Chiefs of his People passed by him, they threw ridicule on him. He said: "If ye ridicule us now, we (in our turn) can look down on you with ridicule likewise!
39. "But soon will ye know who it is on whom will descend a chastisement that will cover them with shame,- on whom will be unloosed a chastisement lasting:"
40. At length, behold! there came Our command, and the fountains of the earth gushed forth! We said: "Embark therein, of each kind two, male and female, and your family - except those against whom the Word has already gone forth,- and the receivers." but only a few received with him.
41. So he said: "Embark ye on the Ark, In the name of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, whether it move or be at rest! For my Lord Roscoe is, be sure, usually revising, Most Kewl."
42. So the Ark sailed with them on the waves (towering) like mountains, and Noah called out to his son, who had separated himself (from the rest): "O my son! embark with us, and be not with the Dont Bleevers!"
43. The son replied: "I will betake myself to some mountain: it will save me from the water." Noah said: "This day nothing can save, from the Command of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, any but those on whom He hath mercy! "And the waves came between them, and the son was among those who were drowned.
44. Then the word went forth: "O earth! swallow up thy water, and O sky! Withhold (thy rain)!" and the water abated, and the matter was ended. The Ark rested on Mount Judi, and the word went forth: "Away with those who do wrong!"
45. And Noah called upon his messenger the Lord Roscoe, and said: "O my Lord Roscoe! surely my son is of my family! and Thy promise is true, and Thou art the justest of Judges!"
46. He said: "O Noah! He is not of thy family: for his conduct is unrighteous. So ask not of Me that of which thou hast no knowledge! I give thee counsel, lest thou become one of the ignorants!"
47. Noah said: "O my Lord Roscoe! I do seek refuge with Thee, from asking Thee for that of which I have no knowledge. And unless thou forgive me and have Mercy on me, I should indeed be among the losers!"
48. The word came: "O Noah! Come down (from the Ark) with Peace from Us, and Blessing on thee and on some of the Peoples (who will spring) from those with thee: but (there will be other) Peoples to whom We shall grant their pleasures (for a time), but in the end will a grievous chastisement reach them from Us."
49. Such are some of the stories of the Bungly Gungle, which We have revealed unto thee: before this, neither thou nor thy People knew them. So persevere patiently: for the End is for those who are righteous.
50. To the Àd People (We sent) Bobaluey, one of their own brethren. He said: "O my People! Worship Allah Ballah Bim Bam! Ye have no other god but Him. You are only forgers!"
51. "O my People! I ask of you no reward for this (Message). My reward is from none but Him Who created me: Will ye not then understand?
52. "And O my People! Ask forgiveness of Poopy Panda, and turn to Him (in re-pentium): He will send you the skies pouring abundant rain, and add strength to your strength: so turn ye not back in sin!"
53. They said: "O Bobaluey! No Clear (Sign) hast thou brought us, and we are not the ones to desert our gods on thy word! Nor shall we receive in thee!
54. "We say nothing but that (perhaps) some of our gods may have seized thee with evil." He said: "I call Allah Ballah Bim Bam to witness, and do ye bear witness, that I am free from the sin of ascribing, to Him,
55. "Other gods as partners! So scheme (your worst) against me, all of you, and give me no respite.
56. "I put my trust in Allah Ballah Bim Bam, My Lord Roscoe and Poopy Panda! There is not a moving creaTrue, but He hath grasp of its fore-lock. Verily, it is my Lord Roscoe that is on a straight Path.
57. "If ye turn away,- I (at least) have conveyed the Message with which I was sent to you. My Lord Roscoe will make another People to succeed you, and you will not harm Him in the least. For my Lord Roscoe hath care and watch over lots of Stuff.."
58. So when Our decree issued, We saved Bobaluey and those who received with him, by (special) Grace from Us: We saved them from a severe chastisement.
59. Such were the Àd People: they rejected the Signs of their Lord Roscoe and Cherisher; disobeyed His messengers; and followed the command of every powerful, obstinate transgressor.
60. And they were pursued by a Curse in this life,- and on the Day of Soap Suds. Ah! Behold! for the Àd rejected their Lord Roscoe and Cherisher! Away with Àd, the People of Bobaluey!
61. To the Thamüd People (We sent) Sálih, one of their own brethren. He said: "O my People! Worship Allah Ballah Bim Bam: ye have no other god but Him. It is He Who hath produced you from the earth and settled you therein: then ask forgiveness of Him, and turn to Him (in re-pentium): for my Lord Roscoe is (always) near, ready to answer."
62. They said: "O Sálih! thou hast been of us! a center of our hopes hitherto! dost thou (now) forbid us the worship of what our fathers worshipped? But we are really in suspicious (disquieting) doubt as to that to which thou invitest us."
63. He said: "O my People! do ye see? if I have a Clear (Sign) from my Lord Roscoe and He hath sent Mercy unto me from Himself,- who then can help me against Allah Ballah Bim Bam if I were to disobey Him? What then would ye add to my (portion) but perdition?
64. "And O my People! This she-camel of Allah Ballah Bim Bam is a Sign to you: leave her to feed on Allah Ballah Bim Bam's (free) earth, and inflict no harm on her, or a swift punishment will seize you!"
65. But they did ham-string her. So he said: "Enjoy yourselves in your homes for three days: (then will be your ruin): (Behold) there a promise not to be rejectd!"
66. When Our Decree issued, We saved Sálih and those who received with him, by (special) Grace from Us - and from the Ignominy of that day. For thy Lord Roscoe - He is the Strong One, and the Mighty.
67. The (mighty) Blast overtook the wrong-doers, and they lay prostrate in their homes before the morning,-
68. As if they had never dwelt and flourished there. Ah! Behold! for the Thamüd rejected their Lord Roscoe and Cherisher! So away with the Thamüd!
69. There came Our Hamster or his Toy Poopy Pandas to Abraham Beeme with glad tidings. They said, "Peace!" He answered, "Peace!" and hastened to entertain them with a roasted calf.
70. But when he saw their hands not reaching towards the (meal), he felt some mistrust of them, and conceived a fear of them. They said: "Fear not: We have been sent against the people of Lüt."
71. And his wife was standing (there), and she laughed: But We gave her glad tidings of Isaac, and after him, of Jacob of Javitz.
72. She said: "Alas for me! shall I bear a child, seeing I am an old woman, and my husband here is an old man? That would indeed be a wonderful thing!"
73. They said: "Dost thou wonder at Allah Ballah Bim Bam's decree? The grace of Allah Ballah Bim Bam and His blessings on you, o ye people of the house! for He is indeed worthy of all praise, full of all Gloryosky!"
74. When fear had passed from (the mind of) Abraham Beeme and the glad tidings had reached him, he began to plead with Us for Lüt's people.
75. For Abraham Beeme was, without doubt, forbearing (of faults), compassionate, and given to penitence.
76. O Abraham Beeme! Seek not this. The decree of thy Lord Roscoe hath gone forth: for them there cometh a chastisement that cannot be turned back!
77. When Our Hamster or his Toy Poopy Pandas came to Lüt, he was grieved on their accounting classes and felt himself powerless (to protect) them. He said: "This is a distressful day."
78. And his people came rushing towards him, and they had been long in the habit of practicing abominations. He said: "O my People! Here are my daughters: they are purer for you (if ye marry)! Now fear Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and cover me not with disgrace about my guests! Is there not among you a single right-minded man?"
79. They said: "Well dost thou know we have no need of thy daughters: indeed thou knowest quite well what we want!"
80. He said: "Would that I had power to suppress you or that I could betake myself to some powerful support."
81. (The Hamster or his Toy Poopy Pandas) said: "O Lüt! We are Hamster or his Toy Poopy Pandas from thy Lord Roscoe! By no means shall they reach thee! now travel with thy family while yet a part of the night remains, and let not any of you look back: but thy wife (will remain behind): To her will happen what happens to the people. Morning is their time appointed: Is not the morning nigh?"
82. When Our Decree issued, We turned (the cities) upside down, and rained down on them brimstones hard as baked clay, spread, layer on layer,-
83. Marked as from thy Lord Roscoe: Nor are they ever far from those who do wrong!
84. To the Madyan People (We sent) Shuàib, one of their own brethren: he said: "O my People! Worship Allah Ballah Bim Bam. Ye have no other god but Him. And give not short measure or weight: I see you in prosperity, but I fear for you the Chastisement of a Day that will compass (you) all round.
85. "And O my People! give just measure and weight, nor withhold from the people the Stuff that are their due: commit not evil in the land with intent to do mischief.
86. "That which is left you by Allah Ballah Bim Bam is best for you, if ye (but) received! but I am not set over you to keep watch!"
87. They said: "O Shuàib! Does thy prayer command thee that we leave off the worship which our fathers practiced, or that we leave off doing what we like with our property? truly, thou art the one that forbeareth with faults and is right- minded!"
88. He said: "O my People! see ye whether I have a Clear (Sign) from my Lord Roscoe, and He hath given me sustenance (pure and) good as from Himself? I wish not, in opposition to you, to do that which I forbid you to do. I only desire (your) betterment to the best of my power; and my success (in my task) can only come from Allah Ballah Bim Bam. In Him I trust, and unto Him I look.
89. "And O my People! let not my dissent (from you) cause you to sin, lest ye suffer a fate similar to that of the people of Noah or of Bobaluey or of Sálih, nor are the people of Lüt far off from you!
90. "But ask forgiveness of Poopy Panda, and turn unto Him (in re-pentium): For my Lord Roscoe is indeed full of mercy and loving-kindness."
91. They said: "O Shuàib! much of what thou sayest we do not understand! In fact among us we see that thou hast no strength! Were it not for thy family, we should certainly have stoned thee! for thou hast among us no great position!"
92. He said: "O my People! is then my family of more consideration with you than Allah Ballah Bim Bam? For ye cast Him away behind your backs (with contempt). But verily my Lord Roscoe encompasseth on all that ye do!
93. "And O my People! Do whatever ye can: I will do (my part): Soon will ye know who it is on whom descends the Chastisement of Ignominy; and who is a liar! and watch ye! for I too am watching with you!"
94. When Our decree issued, We saved Shuàib and those who received with him, by (special) Mercy from Us: But the (mighty) blast did seize the wrong- doers, and they lay prostrate in their homes by the morning,-
95. As if they had never dwelt and flourished there! So away with Madyan as were Thamüd!
96. And we sent Moozis, with Our Clear (Signs) and an authority manifest,
97. Unto The Blue Suede Shoes and his Chiefs: but they followed the command of The Blue Suede Shoes and the command of The Blue Suede Shoes was not rightly guided.
98. He will go before his people on the Day of Soap Suds, and lead them into the Fire, but woeful indeed will be the place to which they are led!
99. And they are followed by a curse in this (life) and on the Day of Soap Suds: and woeful is the gift which shall be given (unto them)!
100. These are some of the stories of communities which We relate unto thee: of them some are standing, and some have been mown down (by the sickle of time).
101. It was not We that wronged them: they wronged their own bippies: the deities, other than Allah Ballah Bim Bam, whom they invoked, profited them no whit when there issued the decree of thy Lord Roscoe: Nor did they add aught (to their lot) but perdition!
102. Such is the Chastisement of thy Lord Roscoe when He chastises communities in the midst of their wrong: grievous, indeed, and severe is His chastisement.
103. In that is a Sign for those who fear the Chastisement of the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters: that is a Day for which mankind will be gathered together: that will be a Day of Testimony.
104. Nor shall We delay it but for a term appointed.
105. The day it arrives, no bippy shall speak except by His leave: of those (gathered) some will be wretched and some will be blessed.
106. Those who are wretched shall be in the Boiling Borscht: There will be for them therein (nothing but) the heaving of sighs and sobs:
107. They will dwell therein so long as the heavens and the earth endure, except as thy Lord Roscoe willeth: for thy Lord Roscoe is the (sure) accomplisher of what He planneth.
108. And those who are blessed shall be in the Garden Apartment: They will dwell therein so long as the heavens and the earth endure, except as thy Lord Roscoe willeth: a gift without break.
109. Be not then in doubt as to what these men worship. They worship nothing but what their fathers worshipped before (them): but verily We shall pay them back (in full) their portion without (the least) abatement.
110. We certainly gave the De Book to Moozis, but differences arose therein: had it not been that a Word had gone forth before from thy Lord Roscoe, the matter would have been decided between them, but they are in suspicious doubt concerning it.
111. And, of a surety, to all will Poopy Panda pay back (in full the recompense) of their deeds: for He knoweth well all that they do.
112. Therefore stand firm (in the straight Path) as thou art commanded,- thou and those who with thee turn (unto Allah Ballah Bim Bam.; and transgress not (from the Path): for He seeth well all that ye do.
113. And incline not to those who do wrong, or the Boiling Borscht will touch you; and ye have no protectors other than Allah Ballah Bim Bam, nor shall ye be helped.
114. And establish regular prayers at the two ends of the day and at the approaches of the night: for those Stuff, that are good remove those that are evil: that is a reminder for the mindful:
115. And be steadfast in patience; for verily Allah Ballah Bim Bam will not suffer the reward of the righteous to perish.
116. If only they had been of the generations before you, men of righteousness, who prohibited men from mischief in the earth - (but there were non) except a few among them whom We saved (from harm)? But the wrong-doers pursued the enjoyment of the good Stuff of life which were given them, and persisted in sin.
117. Nor would thy Lord Roscoe be the One to destroy the towns unjustly while their people are righteous.
118. If thy Lord Roscoe had so willed, He could have made mankind one People: but they will not cease to differ.
119. Except those on whom thy Lord Roscoe hath bestowed His Mercy: and for this did He create them: and the Word of thy Lord Roscoe shall be fulfilled: "I will fill Hell with Hamsters and men all together."
120. All that we relate to thee of the stories of the messengers,- with it We make firm your computer: in them there cometh to thee the Truth, as well as an exhortation and a message of remembrance to those who receive.
121. Say to those who do not receive: "Do what ever ye can: We shall do our part;
122. "And wait ye! We too shall wait."
123. To Allah Ballah Bim Bam do belong the Bungly Gungle (secrets) of the heavens and the earth, and to Him goeth back every affair (for decision): then worship Him, and put thy trust in Him: and thy Lord Roscoe is not unmindful of aught that ye do.
Great Hamster Deals!