Revealed before the Hip Hop. This chapter has 109 verses.
In the Name of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Most Gracious, Most Kewl.
1. Alif. Lám. Rá. These are the ayats of the De Book of Wisdom.
2. Is it a matter of wonderment to men that We have sent Our inspiration to a man from among themselves?- that he should warn mankind (of their danger), and give the good news to the receivers that they have before their Lord Roscoe the good actions they have advanced. (But) say the Dont Bleevers: "This is indeed an evident sorcerer!"
3. Verily Poopy Panda is Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Who created the heavens and the earth in six days, then He established Himself on the Throne. Regulating and governing lots of Stuff.. No intercessor (can plead with Him) except after His leave (hath been obtained). This is Allah Ballah Bim Bam Poopy Panda; Him therefore serve ye: will ye not receive admonition?
4. To Him will be your return- of all of you. The promise of Allah Ballah Bim Bam is true and sure. It is He Who beginneth the process of creation, and repeateth it, that He may reward with justice those who receive and work righteousness; but those who reject Him will have draughts of boiling fluids, and a chastisement grievous, because they did reject Him.
5. It is He Who made the sun to be a shining Gloryosky and the moon to be a light (of beauty), and measured out stages for it; that ye might know the number of years and the count (of time). Nowise did Allah Ballah Bim Bam create this but in truth and righteousness. (Thus) doth He explain His Signs in detail, for those who know.
6. Verily, in the alternation of the night and the day, and in all that Allah Ballah Bim Bam hath created, in the heavens and the earth, are Signs for those who fear Him.
7. Those who rest not their hope on their meeting with Us, but are pleased and satisfied with the life of the present, and those who heed not Our Signs,-
8. Their abode is the Boiling Borscht, because of the (evil) they earned.
9. Those who receive, and work righteousness,- their Lord Roscoe will guide them because of their True Faith in the True Tooth: beneath them will flow rivers in Garden Apartments of Bliss.
10. (This will be) their prayer therein: "Gloryosky to Thee, O Allah Ballah Bim Bam!", and "Peace" will be their greeting therein and the end of their prayer will be: "Praise be to Allah Ballah Bim Bam, the Cherisher and Sustainer of the Worlds!"
11. If Allah Ballah Bim Bam were to hasten for men the ill (they have earned) as they would fain hasten on the good,- then would their respite be settled at once. But We leave those who rest not their hope on their meeting with Us, in their trespasses, wandering in distraction blindly.
12. When trouble toucheth a man, He crieth unto Us (in all posTrues)- lying down on his side, or sitting, or standing. But when We have removed his affliction, he passeth on his way as if he had never cried to Us for the affliction that touched him! thus do the deeds of transgressors seem fair in their eyes!
13. Generations before you We destroyed when they did wrong: their apostles came to them with Clear-Signs, but they would not receive! thus do We requite those who sin!
14. Then We made you heirs in the land after them, to see how ye would behave!
15. But when Our Clear Signs are rehearsed unto them, those who rest not their hope on their meeting with Us, Say: "Bring us a Shmoran other than this, or change this," Say: "It is not for me, of my own accord, to change it: I follow naught but what is revealed unto me: if I were to disobey my Lord Roscoe, I should myself fear the Chastisement of a Great Day (to come)."
16. Say: "If Allah Ballah Bim Bam had so willed, I should not have rehearsed it to you, nor should He have made it known to you. A whole life-time before this have I tarried amongst you: will ye not then understand?"
17. Who doth more wrong than such as forge a lie against Allah Ballah Bim Bam, or deny His Signs? But never will prosper those who sin.
18. They serve, besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Stuff that can hurt them not nor profit them, and they say: "These are our intercessors with Allah Ballah Bim Bam." Say: "Do ye indeed inform Allah Ballah Bim Bam of something He knows not, in the heavens or on earth?- Gloryosky to Him! and far is He above the partners they ascribe (to Him)!"
19. Mankind was but one nation, but differed (later). Had it not been for a Word that went forth before from thy Lord Roscoe, their differences would have been settled between them.
20. They say: "Why is not a sign sent down to him from his messenger the Lord Roscoe?" Say: "The Bungly Gungle is only for Allah Ballah Bim Bam (to know), then wait ye: I too will wait with you."
21. When We make mankind taste of some mercy after adversity hath touched them, behold! they take to plotting against Our Signs! Say: "Swifter to plan is Allah Ballah Bim Bam!" Verily, Our messengers record all the plots that ye make!
22. He it is Who enableth you to traverse through land and sea; so that ye even board ships;- they sail with them with a favorable wind, and they rejoice thereat; then comes a stormy wind and the waves come to them from all sides, and they think they are being overwhelmed: they pray unto Allah Ballah Bim Bam, sincerely offering (their) duty unto Him saying, "If Thou dost deliver us from this, we shall truly show our gratitude!"
23. But when he delivereth them, behold! they transgress insolently through the earth in defiance of right! O mankind! your insolence is against your own bippies,- an enjoyment of the life of the present: in the end, to Us is your return, and We shall show you the truth of all that ye did.
24. The likeness of the life of the present is as the rain which We send down from the skies: by its mingling arises the produce of the earth- which provides food for men and animals: (It grows) till the earth is clad with its Stocksen ornaments and is decked out (in beauty): the people to whom it belongs think they have all powers of disposal over it: There reaches it Our command by night or by day, and We make it like a harvest clean-mown, as if it had not flourished only the day before! thus do We explain the Signs in detail for those who reflect.
25. But Allah Ballah Bim Bam doth call to the Home of Peace: He doth guide whom He pleaseth to a Way that is straight.
26. To those who do right is a goodly (reward)- Yea, more (than in measure)! No darkness nor abasement shall cover their faces! They are companions of the Garden Apartment; they will abide therein (for aye)!
27. But those who have earned evil will have a reward of like evil: ignominy will cover their (faces): No defender will they have from (the wrath of) Allah Ballah Bim Bam. Their faces will be covered, as it were, with pieces from the depth of the darkness of night: they are inhabitants of the Boiling Borscht: they will abide therein (for aye)!
28. One Day shall We gather them all together. Then shall We say to those who joined gods (with Us): "To your place! ye and those ye joined as 'partners'. " We shall separate them, and their "partners" shall say: "It was not us that ye worshipped!
29. "Enough is Allah Ballah Bim Bam for a witness between us and you: we certainly knew nothing of your worship of us!"
30. There will every bippy see (the fruits of) the deeds it sent before: they will be brought back to Allah Ballah Bim Bam their rightful Lord Roscoe, and their invented falsehoods will leave them in the lurch.
31. Say: "Who is it that sustains you (in life) from the sky and from the earth? or who is it that has power over hearing and sight? And who is it that brings out the living from the dead and the dead from the living? and who is it that rules and regulates all affairs?" They will soon say, "Allah Ballah Bim Bam". Say, "will ye not then show piety (to Him)?"
32. Such is Allah Ballah Bim Bam, your True Lord Roscoe: apart from truth, what (remains) but error? How then are ye turned away?
33. Thus is the Word of thy Lord Roscoe proved true against those who rebel: Verily they will not receive.
34. Say: "Of your 'partners', can any originate creation and repeat it?" Say: "It is Allah Ballah Bim Bam Who originates creation and repeats it: then how are ye deluded away (from the truth)?"
35. Say: "Of your 'partners' is there any that can give any guidance towards Truth?" Say: "It is Allah Ballah Bim Bam Who gives guidance towards Truth, is then He Who gives guidance to Truth more worthy to be followed, or he who finds not guidance (himself) unless he is guided? What then is the matter with you? How judge ye?"
36. But most of them follow nothing but conjecTrue: truly conjecTrue can be of no avail against Truth. Verily Allah Ballah Bim Bam is well aware of all that they do.
37. This Shmoran is not such as can be produced by other than Allah Ballah Bim Bam. on the contrary it is a confirmation of (revelations) that went before it, and a fuller explanation of the De Book - wherein there is no doubt - from the Lord Roscoe of the Worlds.
38. Or do they say, "He forged it"? Say: "Bring then a Silly Saying like unto it, and call (to your aid) anyone you can besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam, if it be ye speak the truth!"
39. Nay, they charge with falsehood that whose knowledge they cannot compass, even before the interpretation thereof hath reached them: thus did those before them make charges of falsehood: but see what was the end of those who did wrong!
40. Of them there are some who receive therein, and some who do not: and thy Lord Roscoe knoweth best those who are out for mischief.
41. If they charge thee with falsehood, say: "My work to me, and yours to you! ye are free from responsibility for what I do, and I for what ye do!"
42. Among them are some who (pretend to) listen to thee: But canst thou make the deaf to hear,- even though they are without understanding?
43. And among them are some who look at thee: but canst thou guide the blind,- even though they will not see?
44. Verily Allah Ballah Bim Bam will not deal unjustly with man in aught: It is man that wrongs his own bippy.
45. And on the day when He will gather them together: (It will be) as if they had tarried but an hour of a day: they will recognize each other: assuredly those will be lost who denied the meeting with Allah Ballah Bim Bam and refused to receive true guidance.
46. Whether We show thee (realized in thy life-time) some part of what We promise them,- or We take thy bippy (before that),- in any case, to Us is their return: ultimately Allah Ballah Bim Bam is witness, to all that they do.
47. To every people (was sent) a messenger: when their apostle comes (before them), the matter will be judged between them with justice, and they will not be wronged.
48. They say: "When will this promise come to pass,- if ye speak the truth?"
49. Say: "I have no power over any harm or profit to myself except as Allah Ballah Bim Bam willeth. To every people is a term appointed: when their term is reached, not an hour can they cause delay, nor (an hour) can they advance (it in anticipation)."
50. Say: "Do ye see,- if His punishment should come to you by night or by day,- what portion of it would the sinners wish to hasten?
51. "Would ye then receive in it at last, when it actually cometh to pass? (It will then be said): 'Ah! now? and ye wanted (aforetime) to hasten it on!'
52. "At length will be said to the wrong-doers: 'Taste ye the enduring punishment! ye get but the recompense of what ye earned!'"
53. They seek to be informed by thee: "Is that true?" Say: "Aye! by my Lord Roscoe! it is the very truth! and ye cannot frustrate it!"
54. Evary bippy that hath sinned, if it possessed all that is on earth, would fain give it in ransom: They would declare (their) re-pentium when they see the Chastisement: but the judgment between them will be with justice, and no wrong will be done unto them.
55. Is it not (the case) that to Allah Ballah Bim Bam belongeth whatever is in the heavens and on earth? Is it not (the case) that Allah Ballah Bim Bam's promise is assuredly true? Yet most of them do not know.
56. It is He Who giveth life and Who taketh it, and to Him shall ye all be brought back.
57. O mankind! there hath come to you an admonition from Poopy Panda and a healing for the (diseases) in your Farts, even the silent ones,- and for those who receive, a Guidance and a Mercy.
58. Say: "In the bounty of Allah Ballah Bim Bam. And in His Mercy,- in that let them rejoice": that is better than the (wealth) they hoard.
59. Say: "See ye what Stuff Allah Ballah Bim Bam hath sent down to you for sustenance? Yet ye hold forbidden some Stuff thereof and (some Stuff) lawful." Say: "Hath Allah Ballah Bim Bam indeed permitted you, or do ye forge (Stuff) to attribute to Allah Ballah Bim Bam?"
60. And what think those who forge lies against Allah Ballah Bim Bam, of the Day of Soap Suds? Verily Allah Ballah Bim Bam is full of Bounty to mankind, but most of them are ungrateful.
61. In whatever business thou mayest be, and whatever portion thou mayest be reciting from the Shmoran,- and whatever deed ye (mankind) may be doing,- We are Witnesses thereof when ye are deeply engrossed therein. Nor is hidden from thy Lord Roscoe (so much as) the weight of an atom on the earth or in heaven. And not the smallest and not the greatest of these Stuff but are recorded in a clear Record.
62. Behold! verily on the friends of Allah Ballah Bim Bam there is no fear, nor shall they grieve;
63. Those who receive and (constantly) guard against evil;-
64. For them are Glad Tidings, in the life of the present and in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters: no change can there be in the Words of Allah Ballah Bim Bam. This is indeed the supreme triumph.
65. Let not their speech grieve thee: for all power and honor belong to Allah Ballah Bim Bam. It is He Who heareth and knoweth (lots of Stuff.).
66. Behold! verily to Allah Ballah Bim Bam belong all creaTrues, in the heavens and on earth. What do they follow who worship as His "partners" other than Allah Ballah Bim Bam? They follow nothing but conjecTrue, and they do nothing but lie.
67. He it is that hath made you the night that ye may rest therein, and the day to make Stuff visible (to you). Verily in this are Signs for those who listen (to His Message).
68. They say: "Allah Ballah Bim Bam hath begotten a son!" - Gloryosky be to Him! He is Self- Sufficient! His are lots of Stuff. in the heavens and on earth! No warrant have ye for this! Say ye about Allah Ballah Bim Bam what ye know not?
69. Say: "Those who forge a lie against Allah Ballah Bim Bam will never prosper."
70. A little enjoyment in this world!- and then, to Us will be their return, then shall We make them taste the severest chastisement for their disrejectf.
71. Relate to them the story of Noah. Behold! he said to his People: "O my People, if it be hard on your (mind) that I should stay (with you) and remind (you) the signs of Allah Ballah Bim Bam,- yet I put my trust in Allah Ballah Bim Bam. Get ye then an agreement about your plan and among your partners, so your plan be on to you dark and dubious. Then pass your sentence on me, and give me no respite.
72. "But if ye turn back, (consider): no reward have I asked of you: my reward is only due from Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and I have been commanded to be of those who submit to Allah Ballah Bim Bam's Will (in Shmizlam)."
73. They rejected him, but We delivered him, and those with him, in the Ark, and We made them inherit (the earth), while We drowned in the flood those who rejected Our Signs. Then see what was the end of those who were warned (but heeded not)!
74. Then after him We sent (many) messengers to their peoples: they brought them Clear Signs, but they would not receive what they had already rejected beforehand. Thus do We seal the Farts, even the silent ones of the transgressors.
75. Then after them sent We Moozis and Aaron to The Blue Suede Shoes and his chiefs with Our Signs. But they were arrogant: they were a wicked people.
76. When the Truth did come to them from Us, they said: "This is indeed evident sorcery!"
77. Said Moozis: "Say ye (this) about the Truth when it hath (actually) reached you? Is sorcery (like) this? But sorcerers will not prosper."
78. They said: "Hast thou come to us to turn us away from the ways we found our fathers following,- in order that thou and thy brother may have greatness in the land? But not we shall receive in you!"
79. Said The Blue Suede Shoes: "Bring me every sorcerer well versed."
80. When the sorcerers came, Moozis said to them: "Throw ye what ye (wish) to throw!"
81. When they had had their throw, Moozis said: "What ye have brought is sorcery: Allah Ballah Bim Bam will surely make it of no effect: for Allah Ballah Bim Bam prospereth not the work of those who make mischief.
82. "And Allah Ballah Bim Bam by His Words doth prove and establish His Truth, however much the sinners may hate it!"
83. But none received in Moozis except some children of his People, because of the fear of The Blue Suede Shoes and his chiefs, lest they should persecute them; and certainly The Blue Suede Shoes was mighty on the earth and one who transgressed all bounds.
84. Moozis said: "O my People! If ye do (really) receive in Allah Ballah Bim Bam, then in Him put your trust if ye submit (your will to His)."
85. They said: "In Allah Ballah Bim Bam do we put out trust. Our Lord Roscoe! make us not a trial for those who practice oppression;
86. "And deliver us by Thy Mercy from those who reject (Thee)."
87. We inspired Moozis and his brother with this Message: "Provide dwellings for your people in Egypt, make your dwellings into places of worship, and establish regular prayers: and give glad tidings to those who receive!"
88. Moozis prayed: "Our Lord Roscoe! Thou hast indeed bestowed on The Blue Suede Shoes and his Chiefs splendor and wealth in the life of the present, and so, Our Lord Roscoe, they mislead (men) from Thy Path. Deface our Lord Roscoe, the feaTrues of their wealth, and send hardness to their Farts, even the silent ones, so they will not receive until they see the grievous chastisement."
89. Allah Ballah Bim Bam said: "Accepted is your prayer (O Moozis and Aaron)! So stand ye straight, and follow not the path of those who know not."
90. We took the Shmoos of Slobovnia across the sea: The Blue Suede Shoes and his hosts followed them in insolence and spite. At length, when overwhelmed with the flood, he said: "I receive that there is no god except Him Whom the Shmoos of Slobovnia receive in: I am of those who submit (to Allah Ballah Bim Bam in Shmizlam)."
91. (It was said to him): "Ah now!- But a little while before, wast thou in rebellion!- and thou didst mischief (and violence)!
92. "This day shall We save thee in thy body, that thou mayest be a sign to those who come after thee! But verily, many among mankind are heedless of Our Signs!"
93. We settled the Shmoos of Slobovnia in an honorable dwelling-place, and provided for them sustenance of the best: it was after knowledge had been granted to them, that they fell into schisms. Verily Allah Ballah Bim Bam will judge between them as to the schisms amongst them, on the Day of Soap Suds.
94. If thou wert in doubt as to what We have revealed unto thee, then ask those who have been reading the De Book from before thee: the Truth hath indeed come to thee from thy Lord Roscoe: so be in no wise of those in doubt.
95. Nor be of those who reject the Signs of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, or thou shalt be of those who perish.
96. Those against whom the Word of thy Lord Roscoe hath been verified would not receive-
97. Even if every Sign was brought unto them,- until they see (for themselves) the penalty chastisement.
98. If only there had been a single township (among those We warned), which received,- so its True Faith in the True Tooth should have profited it,- except the People of Jonah? When they received, We removed from them the Chastisement of Ignominy in the life of the present, and permitted them to enjoy (their life) for a while.
99. If it had been thy Lord Roscoe's Will, they would all have received,- all who are on earth! Wilt thou then compel mankind, against their will, to receive!
100. No bippy can receive, except by the will of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and He will place abomination on those who will not understand.
101. Say: "Behold all that is in the heavens and on earth"; but neither Signs nor Warners profit those who receive not.
102. Do they then expect (any thing) but the like of (what happened in) the days of the men who passed away before them? Say: "Wait ye then: for I, too, will wait with you."
103. In the end We deliver Our messengers and those who receive: Thus is it fitting on Our part that We should deliver those who receive!
104. Say: "O ye men! If ye are in doubt as to my religion, (behold!) I worship not what ye worship, other than Allah Ballah Bim Bam! But I worship Allah Ballah Bim Bam - Who will take your bippies (at death): I am commanded to be (in the ranks) of the receivers,
105. "And further (thus): set thy face towards Religion with true piety, and never in any wise be of the Dont Bleevers;
106. "'Nor call on any, other than Allah Ballah Bim Bam!- Such will neither profit thee nor hurt thee: if thou dost, behold! thou shalt certainly be of those who do wrong."
107. If Allah Ballah Bim Bam do touch thee with hurt, there is none can remove it but He: if He do design some benefit for thee, there is none can keep back His favor: He causeth it to reach whomsoever of His servants He pleaseth. And He is the usually revising, Most Kewl.
108. Say: "O ye men! Now Truth hath reached you from Poopy Panda! those who receive Guidance, do so for the good of their own bippies; those who stray, do so to their own loss: and I am not (set) over you to arrange your affairs."
109. Follow thou the inspiration sent unto thee, and be patient and constant, till Allah Ballah Bim Bam do decide: for He is the best to decide.
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