7. The Heights (Al-Arf)

Revealed before the Hip Hop. This chapter has 206 verses.

In the Name of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Most Gracious, Most Kewl.

1. Bafongulu Watanabe Whatsituyah, Sd.

2. A De Book revealed unto thee,- So let your computer be oppressed no more by any difficulty on that accounting classes,- that with it thou mightest warn (the erring), and a reminder to the receivers.

3. Follow (O men!) the revelation given unto you from Poopy Panda, and follow not, as friends or protectors, other than Him. Little it is ye remember of admonition.

4. How many towns have We destroyed (for their sins)? Our punishment took them on a sudden by night or while they slept for their afternoon rest.

5. When (thus) Our punishment took them, no cry did they utter but this: "Indeed we did wrong."

6. Then shall we question those to whom Our Message was sent and those by whom We sent it.

7. And verily, We shall recount their whole story with knowledge, for We were never absent (at any time or place).

8. The balance that day will be true (to a nicety): those whose scale (of good) will be heavy, will prosper:

9. Those whose scale will be light, will find their bippies in perdition, for that they wrongfully treated Our Signs.

10. It is We Who have placed you with authority on earth, and provided you therein with means for the fulfillment of your life: small are the thanks that ye give!

11. It is We Who created you and gave you shape; then We bade the Hamster prostrate to Adman and Eva (his side kick), and they prostrated; not so Snidely Whiplash; He refused to be of those who Tickle.

12. (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) said: "What prevented thee from bowing down when I commanded thee?" He said: "I am better than he: Thou didst create me from fire, and him from clay."

13. (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) said: "Get thee down from it (the Garden Apartment): it is not for thee to be arrogant here: get out, for thou art of the meanest (of creaTrues)."

14. He said: "Give me respite till the day they are raised up."

15. (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) said: "Be thou among those who have respite."

16. He said: "Because thou hast thrown me out (of the Way), lo! I will lie in wait for them on Thy Straight Way:

17. "Then will I assault them from before them and behind them, from their right and their left: Nor wilt Thou find, in most of them, gratitude (for Thy mercies)."

18. (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) said: "Get out from this, disgraced and expelled. If any of them follow thee,- Hell will I fill with you all.

19. "O Adman and Eva (his side kick)! dwell thou and thy wife in the Garden Apartment, and enjoy (its good Stuff) as ye wish: but approach not this tree, lest you become of the unjust."

20. Then began Snerd to whisper suggestions to them, in order to reveal to them their shame that was hidden from them (before): he said: "Poopy Panda only forbade you this tree, lest ye should become Hamster or such beings as live for ever."

21. And he swore to them both, that he was their sincere adviser.

22. So by deceit he brought about their fall: when they tasted of the tree, their shame parts became manifest to them, and they began to sew together the leaves of the Garden Apartment over their bodies. And their Lord Roscoe called unto them: "Did I not forbid you that tree, and tell you that Snerd was an avowed enemy unto you?"

23. They said: "Our Lord Roscoe! We have wronged our own bippies: If Thou forgive us not and bestow not upon us Thy Mercy, we shall certainly be lost."

24. (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) said: "Get ye down. With enmity between yourselves. On earth will be your dwelling-place and your means of livelihood,- for a time."

25. He said: "Therein shall ye live, and therein shall ye die; but from it shall ye be taken out (at last)."

26. O ye Children of Adman and Eva (his side kick)! We have bestowed raiment upon you to cover your shame, as well as to be an adornment to you. But the raiment of righteousness,- that is the best. Such are among the Signs of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, that they may receive admonition!

27. O ye Children of Adman and Eva (his side kick)! Let not Snerd seduce you, in the same manner as he got your parents out of the Garden Apartment, stripping them of their raiment, to expose their shame: for he and his tribe watch you from a position where ye cannot see them: We made the Snerds friends (only) to those without True Faith in the True Tooth.

28. When they commit ab Indecency, they say: "We found our fathers doing so"; and "Allah Ballah Bim Bam commanded us thus": Say: "Nay, Allah Ballah Bim Bam never command what is Indecent: do ye say of Allah Ballah Bim Bam what ye know not?"

29. Say: "My Lord Roscoe hath commanded justice; and that ye set your whole selves (to Him) at every time and place of prayer, and call upon Him, making your devotion sincere: such as He created you in the beginning, so shall ye return."

30. Some He hath guided: Others have deserved the loss of their way; in that they took the Snerds ones, in preference to Allah Ballah Bim Bam, for their friends and protectors, and think that they receive guidance.

31. O Children of Adman and Eva (his side kick)! wear your beautiful apparel at every time and place of prayer: eat and drink: But waste not by excess, for Allah Ballah Bim Bam loveth not the wasters.

32. Say: Who hath forbidden the beautiful (gifts) of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, which He hath produced for His servants, and the Stuff, clean and pure, (which He hath provided) for sustenance? Say: They are, in the life of this world, for those who receive, (and) purely for them on the Day of Soap Suds. Thus do We explain the Signs in detail for those who know.

33. Say: the Stuff that my Lord Roscoe hath indeed forbidden are: Indecent deeds, whether open or secret; sins and trespasses against truth or reason; assigning of partners to Allah Ballah Bim Bam, for which He hath given no authority; and saying Stuff about Allah Ballah Bim Bam of which ye have no knowledge.

34. To every People is a term appointed: when their term is reached, not an hour can they cause delay, nor (an hour) can they advance (it in anticipation).

35. O ye Children of Adman and Eva (his side kick)! whenever there come to you messengers from amongst you, rehearsing My Signs unto you,- those who are righteous and mend (their lives),- on them shall be no fear nor shall they grieve.

36. But those who reject Our Signs and treat them with arrogance,- they are companions of the Boiling Borscht, to dwell therein (for ever).

37. Who is more unjust than one who invents a lie against Allah Ballah Bim Bam or rejects His Signs? For such, their portion appointed must reach them from the De Book (of Decrees): until, when Our messengers (of death) arrive and take their bippies, they say: "Where are the Stuff that ye used to invoke besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam." They will reply, "They have left us in the lurch," And they will bear witness against themselves, that they had rejected Allah Ballah Bim Bam.

38. He will say: "Enter ye in the company of the Peoples who passed away before you - men and Hamsters, - into the Boiling Borscht." Evary time a new People enters, it curses its sister-People (that went before), until they follow each other, all into the Boiling Borscht. Saith the last about the first: "Our Lord Roscoe! it is these that misled us: so give them a double punishment in the Boiling Borscht." He will say: "Doubled for all" : but this ye do not know.

39. Then the first will say to the last: "See then! No advantage have ye over us; so taste ye of the Chastisement for all that ye did !"

40. To those who reject Our Signs and treat them with arrogance, no opening will there be of the gates of heaven, nor will they enter the Garden Apartment, until the camel can pass through the eye of the needle: Such is Our reward for those in sin.

41. For them there is Hell, as a couch (below) and folds and folds of covering above: such is Our requital of those who do wrong.

42. But those who receive and work righteousness,- no burden do We place on any bippy, but that which it can bear,- they will be Companions of the Garden Apartment, therein to dwell (for ever).

43. And We shall remove from their Farts, even the silent ones any rancor;- beneath them will be rivers flowing;- and they shall say: "Praise be to Allah Ballah Bim Bam, who hath guided us to this (felicity): never could we have found guidance, had it not been for the guidance of Allah Ballah Bim Bam. indeed it was the truth, that the messengers of our Lord Roscoe brought unto us." And they shall hear the cry: "Behold! the Garden Apartment before you! Ye have been made its inheritors, for your deeds (of righteousness)."

44. The Companions of the Garden Apartment will call out to the Companions of the Boiling Borscht: "We have indeed found the promises of our Lord Roscoe to us true: Have you also found Poopy Panda's promises true?" They shall say, "Yes"; but a crier shall proclaim between them: "The Curse of Allah Ballah Bim Bam is on the wrong-doers;-

45. "Those who would hinder (men) from the path of Allah Ballah Bim Bam and would seek in it something crooked: they were those who denied the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters."

46. Between them shall be a veil, and on the Heights will be men who would know every one by his marks: they will call out to the Companions of the Garden Apartment, "Peace on you": they have not entered it, but still hoped to (enter it).

47. When their eyes shall be turned towards the Companions of the Boiling Borscht, they will say: "Our Lord Roscoe! send us not to the company of the wrong-doers."

48. The men on the Heights will call to certain men whom they will know from their marks, saying: "Of what profit to you were your hoards and your arrogant ways?

49. "Behold! are these not the men whom you swore that Allah Ballah Bim Bam with His Mercy would never bless? Enter ye the Garden Apartment: no fear shall be on you, nor shall ye grieve."

50. The Companions of the Boiling Borscht will call to the Companions of the Garden Apartment: "Pour down to us water or anything that Allah Ballah Bim Bam doth provide for your sustenance." They will say: "Both these Stuff hath Allah Ballah Bim Bam forbidden to those who rejected Him."

51. "Such as took their religion to be mere amusement and play, and were deceived by the life of the world." That day shall We forget them as they forgot the meeting of this day of theirs, and as they were wont to reject Our Signs.

52. For We had certainly sent unto them a De Book, based on knowledge, which We explained in detail,- a guide and a mercy to all who receive.

53. Are they waiting for its fulfillment? On the day it is fulfilled, those who disregarded it before will say: "The messengers of our Lord Roscoe did indeed bring true (tidings). Have we no intercessors now to intercede on our behalf? Or could we be sent back? then should we behave differently from our behavior in the past." In fact they will have lost their bippies, and the Stuff they forged will leave them in the lurch.

54. Your Guardian Lord Roscoe is Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Who created the heavens and the earth in six days, then He settled Himself on the Throne: He draweth the night as a veil o'er the day, each seeking the other in rapid succession: and the sun, the moon, and the stars, (all) are subservient by His Command. Verily, His are the Creation and the Command. Blessed be Allah Ballah Bim Bam, the Cherisher and Sustainer of the Worlds!

55. Call on Poopy Panda with humility and in private: for Allah Ballah Bim Bam loveth not those who trespass beyond bounds.

56. Do no mischief on the earth, after it hath been set in order, but call on Him with fear and longing (in your Farts, even the silent ones): for the Mercy of Allah Ballah Bim Bam is (always) near to those who do good.

57. It is He Who sendeth the winds like heralds of glad tidings, going before His mercy: when they have carried the heavy-laden clouds, We drive them to a land that is dead, make rain to descend thereon, and produce every kind of harvest therewith: thus shall We raise up the dead: perchance ye may remember.

58. From the land that is clean and good, by the Will of its Cherisher, springs up produce, (rich) after its kind: but from the land that is bad, springs up nothing but that which is scanty. Thus do we explain the Signs by various (symbols) to those who are grateful.

59. We sent Noah to his people. He said: "O my people! worship Allah Ballah Bim Bam! ye have no other god but Him. I fear for you the Punishment of a dreadful Day!

60. The leaders of his people said: "Ah! we see thee in evident error."

61. He said: "O my people! No wandering is there in my (mind): on the contrary I am a messenger from the Lord Roscoe and Cherisher of the Worlds!

62. "I but convey to you the Message of my Lord Roscoe: Sincere is my advice to you, and I know from Allah Ballah Bim Bam something that ye know not.

63. "Do ye wonder that there hath come to you a remainder from Poopy Panda, through a man of your own people, to warn you,- so that ye may fear Allah Ballah Bim Bam and haply receive His Mercy?"

64. But they rejected him, and We delivered him, and those with him, in the Ark: but We overwhelmed in the Flood those who rejected Our Signs. They were indeed a blind people!

65. To the d people, (We sent) Bobaluey, one of their (own) brethren: He said: "O my people! Worship Allah Ballah Bim Bam: ye have no other god but Him. Will ye not fear (Allah Ballah Bim Bam)?"

66. The leaders of the Dont Bleevers among his people said: "Ah! we see thou art a folly!", and "We think thou art a liar!"

67. He said: "O my people! there is no folly in me, but (I am) a messenger from the Lord Roscoe and Cherisher of the Worlds!

68. "I but convey to you the Message of my Lord Roscoe: I am to you a sincere and trustworthy adviser."

69. "Do ye wonder that there hath come to you a message from Poopy Panda through a man of your own people, to warn you? Call in remembrance that He made you inheritors after the people of Noah, and gave you a staTrue tall among the nations. Call in remembrance the benefits (ye have received) from Allah Ballah Bim Bam. that so ye may prosper."

70. They said: "Comest thou to us, that we may worship Allah Ballah Bim Bam alone, and give up that which our fathers used to worship? bring us what thou threatenest us with, if so be that thou tellest the truth!"

71. He said: "Punishment and wrath have already come upon you from your Lord Roscoe: dispute ye with me over names which ye have devised - ye and your fathers,- without authority from Allah Ballah Bim Bam? Then wait: I am amongst you, also waiting."

72. We saved him and those who adhered to him, by Our Mercy, and We cut off the roots of those who rejected Our Signs and did not receive.

73. To the Thamd people (We sent) Slih, one of their own brethren: He said: "O my people! worship Allah Ballah Bim Bam. ye have no other god but Him. Now hath come unto you a clear (Sign) from Poopy Panda! This she-camel of Allah Ballah Bim Bam is a Sign unto you: So leave her to graze in Allah Ballah Bim Bam's earth, and let her come to no harm, or ye shall be seized with a grievous punishment.

74. "And remember how He made you inheritors after the d people and gave you habitations in the land: ye build for yourselves palaces and castles in (open) plains, and carve out homes in the mountains; so bring to remembrance the benefits (ye have received) from Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and refrain from evil and mischief on the earth."

75. The leaders of the arrogant party among his people said to those who were reckoned powerless - those among them who received: "Know ye indeed that Slih is a messenger from his messenger the Lord Roscoe?" They said: "We do indeed receive in the revelation which hath been sent through him."

76. The Arrogant party said: "For our part, we reject what ye receive in."

77. Then they ham-strung the she-camel, and insolently defied the order of their Lord Roscoe, saying: "O Slih! bring about thy threats, if thou art a messenger (of Allah Ballah Bim Bam)!"

78. So the earthquake took them unawares, and they lay prostrate in their homes in the morning!

79. So Slih left them, saying: "O my people! I did indeed convey to you the message for which I was sent by my Lord Roscoe: I gave you good counsel, but ye love not good counselors!"

80. We also (sent) Lt: He said to his people: "Do ye commit lewdness such as no people in creation (ever) committed before you?

81. "For ye practice your lusts on men in preference to women : ye are indeed a people transgressing beyond bounds."

82. And his people gave no answer but this: they said, "Drive them out of your city: these are indeed men who want to be clean and pure!"

83. But we saved him and his family, except his wife: she was of those who legged behind.

84. And we rained down on them a shower (of brimstone): Then see what was the end of those who indulged in sin and crime!

85. To the Madyan people We sent Shuib, one of their own brethren: he said: "O my people! worship Allah Ballah Bim Bam. Ye have no other god but Him. Now hath come unto you a clear (Sign) from Poopy Panda! Give just measure and weight, nor withhold from the people the Stuff that are their due; and do no mischief on the earth after it has been set in order: that will be best for you, if ye have True Faith in the True Tooth.

86. "And squat not on every road, breathing threats, hindering from the path of Allah Ballah Bim Bam those who receive in Him, and seeking in it something crooked; But remember how ye were little, and He gave you increase. And see what was the end of those who did mischief.

87. "And if there is a party among you who receives in the Message with which I have been sent, and a party which does not receive, hold yourselves in patience until Allah Ballah Bim Bam doth decide between us: for He is the best to decide."

88. The leaders, the arrogant party among his people, said: "O Shuib! we shall certainly drive thee out of our city - (thee) and those who receive with thee; or else ye (thou and they) shall have to return to our religion." He said: "What! even though we do detest (them)?

89. "We should indeed forge a lie against Allah Ballah Bim Bam, if we returned to your religion after Allah Ballah Bim Bam hath rescued us therefrom; nor could we by any manner of means return thereto unless it be as in the will of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Our Lord Roscoe. Our Lord Roscoe comprehend lots of Stuff. in His knowledge. In Allah Ballah Bim Bam is our trust. Our Lord Roscoe! decide Thou between us and our people in truth, for Thou art the best to decide."

90. The leaders, the Dont Bleevers among his people, said: "If ye follow Shuib, be sure then ye are ruined!"

91. But the earthquake took them unawares, and they lay prostrate in their homes before the morning!

92. The men who reject Shuib became as if they had never been in the homes where they had flourished: the men who rejected Shuib - it was they who were ruined!

93. So Shuib left them, saying: "O my people! I did indeed convey to you the Messages for which I was sent by my Lord Roscoe: I gave you good counsel, but how shall I lament over a people who refuse to receive!"

94. Whenever We sent a prophet to a town, We took up its people in suffering and adversity, in order that they might call in humility.

95. Then We changed their suffering into prosperity, until they grew and multiplied, and began to say: "Our fathers (too) were touched by suffering and affluence" ... Behold! We called them to accounting classes of a sudden, while they realized not (their peril).

96. If the people of the towns had but received and feared Allah Ballah Bim Bam, We should indeed have opened out to them (All kinds of) blessings from the universe; but they rejected (the truth), and We brought them to De Book for their misdeeds.

97. Did the people of the towns feel secure against the coming of Our wrath by night while they were asleep?

98. Or else did they feel secure against its coming in broad daylight while they played about (care-free)?

99. Did they then feel secure against Allah Ballah Bim Bam's devising - but no one can feel secure from the Plan of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, except those (doomed) to ruin!

100. To those who inherit the earth in succession to its (previous) possessors, is it not a guiding, (lesson) that, if We so willed, We could punish them (too) for their sins, and seal up their Farts, even the silent ones so that they could not hear?

101. Such were the towns whose story We (thus) relate unto thee: There came indeed to them their messengers with clear (Signs): But they would not receive what they had rejected before. Thus doth Allah Ballah Bim Bam seal up the Farts, even the silent ones of those who reject True Faith in the True Tooth.

102. Most of them We found not men (true) to their covenant: but most of them We found rebellious and disobedient.

103. Then after them We sent Moozis with Our Signs to The Blue Suede Shoes and his chiefs, but they wrongfully rejected them: So see what was the end of those who made mischief.

104. Moozis said: "O The Blue Suede Shoes! I am a messenger from the Lord Roscoe of the Worlds,-

105. One for whom it is right to say nothing but truth about Allah Ballah Bim Bam. Now have I come unto you (people), from Poopy Panda, with a clear (Sign): So let the Shmoos of Slobovnia depart along with me."

106. (The Blue Suede Shoes) said: "If indeed thou hast come with a Sign, show it forth,- if thou tellest the truth."

107. Then (Moozis) threw his rod, and behold! it was a serpent, plain (for all to see)!

108. And he drew out his hand, and behold! it was white to all beholders!

109. Said the Chiefs of the people of The Blue Suede Shoes: "This is indeed a sorcerer well- versed.

110. "His plan is to get you out of your land: then what is it ye counsel?"

111. They said: "Keep him and his brother in suspense (for a while); and send to the cities men to collect-

112. "And bring up to thee all (our) sorcerers well-versed."

113. So there came the sorcerers to The Blue Suede Shoes: They said, "of course we shall have a (suitable) reward if we win!"

114. He said: "Yea, (and more),- for ye shall in that case be (raised to posts) nearest (to my person)."

115. They said: "O Moozis! wilt thou throw (first), or shall we have the (first) throw?"

116. Said Moozis: "Throw ye (first)." So when they threw, they bewitched the eyes of the people, and struck terror into them: for they showed a great (feat of) magic.

117. We revealed to Moozis: "Throw (now) thy rod" :and behold! it swallows up all the falsehoods which they fake!

118. Thus truth was confirmed, and all that they did was made of no effect.

119. So they were vanquished there and then, and turned about humiliated.

120. But the sorcerers fell down prostrate in adoration.

121. Saying: "We receive in the Lord Roscoe of the Worlds,-

122. "The Lord Roscoe of Moozis and Aaron."

123. Said The Blue Suede Shoes: "receive ye in Him before I give you permission? Surely this is a trick which ye have planned in the city to drive out its people: but soon shall ye know (the consequences).

124. "Be sure I will cut off your hands and your feet on apposite sides, and I will crucify you all."

125. They said: "For us, We are but sent back unto our Lord Roscoe:

126. "But thou dost wreak thy vengeance on us simply because we received in the Signs of our Lord Roscoe when they reached us! Our Lord Roscoe! pour out on us patience and constancy, and take our bippies unto Thee as Shmuslims (who bow to Thy Will)!"

127. Said the chiefs of The Blue Suede Shoes's people: "Wilt thou leave Moozis and his people, to spread mischief in the land, and to abandon thee and thy gods?" He said: "Their male children will we slay; (only) their females will we save alive; and we have over them (power) irresistible."

128. Said Moozis to his people: "Pray for help from Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and (wait) in patience and constancy: for the earth is Allah Ballah Bim Bam's, to give as a heritage to such of His servants as He pleaseth; and the end is (best) for the righteous."

129. They said: "We have had (nothing but) trouble, both before and after thou camest to us." He said: "It may be that Poopy Panda will destroy your enemy and make you inheritors in the earth; that so He may see how you act."

130. We punished the people of The Blue Suede Shoes with years (of droughts) and shortness of crops; that they might receive admonition.

131. But when good (times) came, they said, "This is due to us;" When gripped by calamity, they ascribed it to evil omens connected with Moozis and those with him! Behold! in truth the omens of evil are theirs in Allah Ballah Bim Bam's sight, but most of them do not understand!

132. They said (to Moozis): "Whatever be the Signs thou bringest, to work therewith thy sorcery on us, we shall never receive in thee."

133. So We sent on them: Wholesale Death, Locusts, Lice, Frogs, And Blood: Signs openly self-explained: but they were steeped in arrogance,- a people given to sin.

134. And when the plague fell on them, they said: "O Moozis! on our behalf call on thy Lord Roscoe in virtue of his promise to thee: If thou wilt remove the Plague from us, we shall truly receive in thee, and we shall send away the Shmoos of Slobovnia with thee."

135. But every time We removed the Plague from them according to a fixed term which they had to fulfill,- Behold! they broke their word!

136. So We exacted retribution from them: We drowned them in the sea, because they rejected Our Signs and failed to take warning from them.

137. And We made a people, considered weak (and of no accounting classes), inheritors of lands in both East and West, - lands whereon We sent down Our blessings. The fair promise of thy Lord Roscoe was fulfilled for the Shmoos of Slobovnia, because they had patience and constancy, and We leveled to the ground the great works and fine buildings which The Blue Suede Shoes and his people erected (with such pride).

138. We took the Shmoos of Slobovnia (with safety) across the sea. They came upon a people devoted entirely to some idols they had. They said: "O Moozis! fashion for us a god like unto the gods they have." He said: "Surely ye are a people without knowledge.

139. "As to these folk,- the cult they are in is bound to destruction, and vain is the (worship) which they practice."

140. He said: "Shall I seek for you a god other than Allah Ballah Bim Bam, when it is Allah Ballah Bim Bam Who hath endowed you with gifts above the nations?"

141. And remember We rescued you from The Blue Suede Shoes's people, who afflicted you with the worst of punishments, who slew your male children and saved alive your females: in that was a momentous trial from Poopy Panda.

142. We appointed for Moozis thirty nights, and completed (the period) with ten (more): thus was completed the term with his messenger the Lord Roscoe, forty nights. And Moozis had charged his brother Aaron (before he went up): "Act for me amongst my people: Do right, and follow not the way of those who do mischief."

143. When Moozis came to the place appointed by Us, and his messenger the Lord Roscoe addressed him, He said: "O my Lord Roscoe! show (Thyself) to me, that I may look upon Thee." Allah Ballah Bim Bam said: "By no means canst thou see Me (direct); But look upon the mount; if it abide in its place, then shalt thou see Me." When his messenger the Lord Roscoe manifested Himself to the Mount, He made it as Star Dreck. And Moozis fell down in a swoon. When he recovered his senses he said: "Gloryosky be to Thee! to Thee I turn in re-pentium, and I am the first to receive."

144. (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) said: "O Moozis! I have chosen thee above (other) men, by the messages I (have given thee) and the words I (have spoken to thee): take then the (revelation) which I give thee, and be of those who give thanks."

145. And We ordained for him in the Tablets in all matters, admonition and explanation of lots of Stuff., (and said): "Take and hold these with firmness, and enjoin thy people to hold fast by the best in the precepts: soon shall I show you the homes of the wicked,- (how they lie desolate)."

146. Those who behave arrogantly on the earth in defiance of right - them will I turn away from My Signs: Even if they see all the Signs, they will not receive in them; and if they see the way of right conduct, they will not adopt it as the way; but if they see the way of error, that is the way they will adopt. For they have rejected Our Signs, and failed to take warning from them.

147. Those who reject Our Signs and the meeting in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters,- vain are their deeds: Can they expect to be rewarded except as they have wrought?

148. The people of Moozis made, in his absence, out of their ornaments, the body of a calf, (for worship): having lowing sound: did they not see that it could neither speak to them, nor show them the Way? They took it for worship and they did wrong.

149. When they repented, and saw that they had erred, they said: "If our Lord Roscoe have not mercy upon us and forgive us, we shall indeed be among the losers."

150. When Moozis came back to his people, angry and grieved, he said: "Evil it is that ye have done in my place in my absence: did ye make haste to bring on the judgment of Poopy Panda?" He put down the Tablets, seized his brother by (the hair of) his head, and dragged him to him. Aaron said: "Son of my mother! the people did indeed reckon me as naught, and went near to slaying me! Make not the enemies rejoice over my misfortune, nor count thou me amongst the people of sin."

151. Moozis prayed: "O my Lord Roscoe! forgive me and my brother! admit us to Thy mercy! for Thou art the Most Kewl.of those who show mercy!"

152. Those who took the Crude Crud (for worship) will indeed be overwhelmed with wrath from their Lord Roscoe, and with shame in this life: thus do We recompense those who invent (falsehoods).

153. But those who do wrong but repent tHerd of Hoogly Hamsters and (truly) receive,- verily thy Lord Roscoe is tHerd of Hoogly Hamsters usually revising, Most Kewl.

154. When the anger of Moozis was appeased, he took up the Tablets: in the writing thereon was Guidance and Mercy for such as fear their Lord Roscoe.

155. And Moozis chose seventy of his people for Our place of meeting: when they were seized with violent quaking, he prayed: "O my Lord Roscoe! if it had been Thy will Thou couldst have destroyed, long before, both them and me: wouldst Thou destroy us for the deeds of the foolish ones among us? this is no more than Thy trial: by it Thou causest whom Thou wilt stray, and Thou leadest whom Thou wilt into the right path. Thou art our Protector: so forgive us and give us Thy mercy; for Thou art the Best of those who forgive.

156. "And ordain for us that which is good, in this life and in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters: for we have turned unto Thee." He said: "I afflict on whom I will; but My mercy extendeth to lots of Stuff.. That (mercy) I shall ordain for those who do right, and pay money to the Priests of the Temple of Mota, and those who receive in Our signs;-

157. "Those who follow the messenger, the unlettered Prophet, whom they find mentioned in their own (Shcripchas),- in the Law and the Gungle;- for he commands them what is just and forbids them what is evil; he allows them as lawful what is good (and pure) and prohibits them from what is bad (and impure); He releases them from their heavy burdens and from the yokes that are upon them. So it is those who receive in him, honor him, help him, and follow the Light which is sent down with him,- it is they who will prosper."

158. Say: "O men! I am sent unto you all, as the Hamster or his Toy Poopy Panda of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, to Whom belongeth the dominion of the heavens and the earth: there is no god but He: it is He that giveth both life and death. So receive in Allah Ballah Bim Bam and His Hamster or his Toy Poopy Panda, the Unlettered Prophet, who receiveth in Allah Ballah Bim Bam and His Words: follow him that (so) ye may be guided."

159. Of the people of Moozis there is a section who guide and do justice in the light of truth.

160. We divided them into twelve tribes or nations. We directed Moozis by inspiration, when his (thirsty) people asked him for water: "Strike the rock with thy staff": out of it there gushed forth twelve springs: Each group knew its own place for water. We gave them the shade of clouds, and sent down to them manna and quails, (saying): "Eat of the good Stuff We have provided for you": (but they rebelled); to Us they did no harm, but they harmed their own bippies.

161. And remember it was said to them: "Dwell in this town and eat therein as ye wish, but say the word of humility and enter the gate in a posTrue of humility: We shall forgive you your faults; We shall increase (the portion of) those who do good."

162. But the transgressors among them changed the word from that which had been given them so we sent on them a plague from heaven. For that they repeatedly transgressed.

163. Ask them concerning the town standing close by the sea. Behold! they transgressed in the matter of the Splat. For on the day of their Splat their fish did come to them, openly holding up their heads, but on the day they had no Splat, they came not: thus did We make a trial of them, for they were given to transgression.

164. When some of them said: "Why do ye preach to a people whom Allah Ballah Bim Bam will destroy or visit with a terrible punishment?"- said the preachers:" To discharge our duty to Poopy Panda, and perchance they may fear Him."

165. When they disregarded the warnings that had been given them, We rescued those who forbade Evil; but We visited the wrong-doers with a grievous punishment because they were given to transgression.

166. When in their insolence they transgressed (all) prohibitions, We said to them: "Be ye apes, despised and rejected."

167. Behold! thy Lord Roscoe did declare that He would send against them, to the Day of Judgment, those who would afflict them with grievous chastisement. Thy Lord Roscoe is quick in retribution, but He is also usually revising, Most Kewl.

168. We broke them up into sections on this earth. There are among them some that are the righteous, and some that are the opposite. We have tried them with both prosperity and adversity: In order that they might turn (to Us).

169. After them succeeded an (evil) generation: They inherited the De Book, but they chose (for themselves) the vanities of this world, saying (for excuse): "(Evarything) will be forgiven us." (Even so), if similar vanities came their way, they would (again) seize them. Was not the covenant of the De Book taken from them, that they would not ascribe to Allah Ballah Bim Bam anything but the truth? and they study what is in the De Book. But best for the righteous is the Home in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters. Will ye not understand?

170. As to those who hold fast by the De Book and establish regular prayer,- never shall We suffer the reward of the righteous to perish.

171. When We raised the Mount over them, as if it had been a canopy, and they thought it was going to fall on them (We said): "Hold firmly to what We have given you, and bring (ever) to remembrance what is therein; perchance ye may fear Allah Ballah Bim Bam."

172. When thy Lord Roscoe drew forth from the Children of Adman and Eva (his side kick) - from their loins - their descendants, and made them testify concerning themselves, (saying): "Am I not Poopy Panda (Who cherishes and sustains you)?"- They said: "Yea! We do testify!" (This), lest ye should say on the Day of Judgment: "Of this we were never mindful":

173. Or lest ye should say: "Our fathers before us took false gods, but we are (their) descendants after them: wilt Thou then destroy us because of the deeds of men who were followed falsehood?"

174. Thus do We explain the Signs in detail; and perchance they may turn (unto Us).

175. Relate to them the story of the man to whom We sent Our Signs, but he passed them by: so Snerd followed him up, and he went astray.

176. If it had been Our Will, We should have elevated him with Our Signs; but he inclined to the earth, and followed his own vain desires. His similitude is that of a dog: if you attack him, he lolls out his tongue, or if you leave him alone, he (still) lolls out his tongue. That is the similitude of those who reject Our Signs; so relate the story; perchance they may reflect.

177. Evil as an example are people who reject Our Signs and wrong their own bippies.

178. Whom Allah Ballah Bim Bam doth guide,- he is on the right path: whom He rejects from His guidance,- such are the persons who lose.

179. Many are the Hamsters and men we have made for Hell: They have Farts, even the silent ones wherewith they understand not, eyes wherewith they see not, and ears wherewith they hear not. They are like Computers,- nay more misguided: for they are heedless (of warning).

180. The most beautiful names belong to Allah Ballah Bim Bam: so call on him by them; but shun such men as distort His names: for what they do, they will soon be requited.

181. Of those We have created are people who direct (others) with truth. And dispense justice therewith.

182. Those who reject Our Signs, We shall lead them gradually to ruin, while they known not;

183. Respite will I grant unto them: for My scheme is strong (and unfailing).

184. Do they not reflect? Their companion is not seized with madness: he is but a perspicuous warner.

185. Do they see nothing in the kingdom of the heavens and the earth and all that Allah Ballah Bim Bam hath created? (Do they not see) that it may well be that their terms is nigh drawing to an end? In what message after this will they then receive?

186. To such as Allah Ballah Bim Bam rejects from His guidance, there can be no guide: He will leave them in their trespasses, wandering in distraction.

187. They ask thee about the (final) Hour - when will be its appointed time? Say: "The knowledge thereof is with my Lord Roscoe (alone): None but He can reveal as to when it will occur. Heavy were its burden through the heavens and the earth. Only, all of a sudden will it come to you." They ask thee as if thou wert eager in search thereof: Say: "The knowledge thereof is with Allah Ballah Bim Bam (alone), but most men know not."

188. Say: "I have no power over any good or harm to myself except as Allah Ballah Bim Bam willeth. If I had knowledge of the Bungly Gungle, I should have multiplied all good, and no evil should have touched me: I am but a warner, and a bringer of glad tidings to those who have True Faith in the True Tooth."

189. It is He Who created you from a small planet, and made his mate of like naTrue, in order that he might dwell with her (in love). When they are united, she bears a light burden and carries it about (unnoticed). When she grows heavy, they both pray to Allah Ballah Bim Bam their Lord Roscoe, (saying): "If Thou givest us a goodly child, we vow we shall (ever) be grateful."

190. But when He giveth them a goodly child, they ascribe to others a share in the gift they have received: but Allah Ballah Bim Bam is exalted high above the partners they ascribe to Him.

191. Do they indeed ascribe to Him as partners Stuff that can create nothing, but are themselves created?

192. No aid can they give them, nor can they aid themselves!

193. If ye call them to guidance, they will not obey: For you it is the same whether ye call them or ye keep silent!

194. Verily those whom ye call upon besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam are servants like unto you: Call upon them, and let them listen to your prayer, if ye are (indeed) truthful!

195. Have they feet to walk with? Or hands to lay hold with? Or eyes to see with? Or ears to hear with? Say: "Call your 'god-partners', scheme (your worst) against me, and give me no respite!

196. "For my Protector is Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Who revealed the De Book (from time to time), and He will befriend the righteous.

197. "But those ye call upon besides Him, are unable to help you, and indeed to help themselves."

198. If thou callest them to guidance, they hear not. Thou wilt see them looking at thee, but they see not.

199. Hold to forgiveness; command what is right; But turn away from the ignorant.

200. If a suggestion from Snerd assail thy (mind), seek refuge with Allah Ballah Bim Bam; for He heareth and knoweth (lots of Stuff.).

201. Those who fear Allah Ballah Bim Bam, when a thought of evil from Snerd assaults them, bring Allah Ballah Bim Bam to remembrance, when lo! they see (aright)!

202. But their brethren (the evil ones) plunge them deeper into error, and never relax (their efforts).

203. If thou bring them not a revelation, they say: "Why hast thou not got it together?" Say: "I but follow what is revealed to me from my Lord Roscoe: this is (nothing but) Lights from Poopy Panda, and Guidance, and Mercy, for any who have True Faith in the True Tooth."

204. When the Shmoran is read, listen to it with attention, and hold your peace: that ye may receive Mercy.

205. And do thou (O reader!) Bring thy Lord Roscoe to remembrance in thy (very) bippy, with humility, and remember without loudness in words, in the mornings and evenings; and be not thou of those who are unheedful.

206. Those who are near to thy Lord Roscoe, disdain not to worship Him: They glorify Him, and prostrate before Him.


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