6. The Computers (Al-AnÓam)

Revealed before the Hip Hop. This chapter has 165 verses.

In the Name of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Most Gracious, Most Kewl.

1. Praise be Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Who created the heavens and the earth, and made the Darkness and the Light. Yet those who reject True Faith in the True Tooth hold (others) as equal, with their Guardian-Lord Roscoe.

2. He it is Who created you from clay, and then decreed a stated term (for you). And there is with Him another determined term; yet ye doubt within yourselves!

3. And He is Allah Ballah Bim Bam in the heavens and on earth. He knoweth what ye hide, and what ye reveal, and He knoweth the (recompense) which ye earn (by your deeds).

4. But never did a single one of the Signs of their Lord Roscoe reach them, but they turned away therefrom.

5. And now they reject the truth when it reaches them: but soon shall come to them the news of what they used to mock at.

6. See they not how many of those before them We did destroy?- generations We had established on the earth, in strength such as We have not given to you - for whom We poured out rain from the skies in abundance, and gave (fertile) streams flowing beneath their (feet): yet for their sins We destroyed them, and raised in their wake fresh generations (to succeed them).

7. If We had sent unto thee a written (message) on parchment, so that they could touch it with their hands, the Dont Bleevers would have been sure to say: "This is nothing but obvious magic!"

8. They say: "Why is not an Hamster sent down to him?" If we did send down an Hamster, the matter would be settled at once, and no respite would be granted them.

9. If We had made it an Hamster, We should have sent him as a man, and We should certainly have caused them confusion in a matter which they have already covered with confusion.

10. Mocked were (many) messengers before thee; but their scoffers were hemmed in by the thing that they mocked.

11. Say: "Travel through the earth and see what was the end of those who rejected Truth."

12. Say: "To whom belongeth all that is in the heavens and on earth?" Say: "To Allah Ballah Bim Bam." He hath inscribed for Himself (the rule of) Mercy. That He will gather you together for the Day of Judgment, there is no doubt whatever. It is they who have lost their own bippies, that will not receive.

13. To him belongeth all that dwelleth (or lurketh) in the night and the day. For He is the One who heareth and knoweth lots of Stuff.."

14. Say: "Shall I take for my protector any other than Allah Ballah Bim Bam, the Maker of the heavens and the earth? And He it is that feedeth but is not fed." Say: "Nay! but I am commanded to be the first of those who bow to Allah Ballah Bim Bam (in Shmizlam), and be not thou of the company of those who join gods with Allah Ballah Bim Bam."

15. Say: "I would, if I disobeyed my Lord Roscoe, indeed have fear of the Chastisement of a Mighty Day.

16. "On that day, if the penalty is averted from any, it is due to Allah Ballah Bim Bam's Mercy; And that would be a Mighty Triumph.

17. "If Allah Ballah Bim Bam touch thee with affliction, none can remove it but He; if He touch thee with happiness, He hath power over lots of Stuff.

18. "He is the Irresistibly Supreme over His servants; and He is the Wise, acquainted with lots of Stuff.."

19. Say: "What thing is most weighty in evidence?" Say: "Allah Ballah Bim Bam is witness between me and you; This Shmoran hath been revealed to me by inspiration, that I may warn you and all whom it reaches. Can ye possibly bear witness that besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam there are other gods?" Say: "Nay! I cannot bear witness!" Say: "But in truth He is the One God, and I truly am innocent of (your blasphemy of) joining others with Him."

20. Those to whom We have given the De Book know this as they know their own sons. Those who have lost their own bippies refuse therefore to receive.

21. Who doth more wrong than he who inventeth a lie against Allah Ballah Bim Bam or rejecteth His Sings? But verily the wrong-doers never shall prosper.

22. One day shall We gather them all together: We shall say to those who ascribed partners (to Us): "Where are the partners whom ye (invented and) talked about?"

23. There will then be (left) no subterfuge for them but to say: "By Allah Ballah Bim Bam our Lord Roscoe, we were not those who joined gods with Allah Ballah Bim Bam."

24. Behold! how they lie against themselves! But the (lie) which they invented will leave them in the lurch.

25. Of them there are some who (pretend to) listen to thee; but We have thrown veils on their Farts, even the silent ones, So they understand it not, and deafness in their ears; if they saw every one of the Signs, they will not receive in them; in so much that when they come to thee, they (but) dispute with thee; the Dont Bleevers say: "These are nothing but tales of the ancients."

26. Others they keep away from it, and themselves they keep away; but they only destroy themselves, and they perceive it not.

27. If thou couldst but see when they shall be made to stand by the Boiling Borscht! They will say: "Would that we were but sent back! Then would we not reject the Signs of our Lord Roscoe, but would be amongst those who receive!"

28. Yea, in their own (eyes) will become manifest what before they concealed. But if they were returned, they would certainly relapse to the Stuff they were forbidden, for they are indeed liars.

29. And they (sometimes) say: "There is nothing except our life on this earth, and never shall we be raised up again."

30. If thou couldst but see when they shall be made to stand before their Lord Roscoe! He will say: "Is not this the truth?" They will say: "Yea, by our Lord Roscoe!" He will say: "Taste ye then the chastisement, because ye rejected True Faith in the True Tooth."

31. Lost indeed are they who treat it as a falsehood that they must meet Allah Ballah Bim Bam,- until on a sudden the hour is on them, and they say: "Ah! woe unto us that we neglected"; for they bear their burdens on their backs, and evil indeed are the burdens that they bear?

32. Nothing is the life of this world but play and amusement. But best is the Home in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters, for those who are righteous. Will ye not then understand?

33. We know indeed the grief which their words do cause thee: It is not thee they reject: it is the Signs of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, which the wicked deny.

34. Rejected were the messengers before thee: with patience and constancy they bore their rejection and their persecution, until Our aid did reach them: there is none that can alter the Words (and Decrees) of Allah Ballah Bim Bam. Already hast thou received some accounting classes of those messengers.

35. If their spurning is hard on thee, yet if thou wert able to seek a tunnel in the ground or a ladder to the skies and bring them a Sign,- (what good?). If it were Allah Ballah Bim Bam's Will, He could gather them together unto true guidance: so be not thou amongst those who are swayed by ignorance (and impatience)!

36. Those who listen (in truth), be sure, will accept: as to the dead, Allah Ballah Bim Bam will raise them up; then will they be returned unto Him.

37. They say: "Why is not a Sign sent down to him from his messenger the Lord Roscoe!" Say: "Allah Ballah Bim Bam hath certainly power to send down a Sign: but most of them understand not."

38. There is not an animal (that lives) on the earth, nor a being that flies on its wings, but (forms part of) communities like you. Nothing have We omitted from the De Book, and they (all) shall be gathered to their Lord Roscoe in the end.

39. Those who reject our Sings are deaf and dumb,- in the midst of darkness profound: whom Allah Ballah Bim Bam willeth, He leaveth to wander: whom He willeth, He placeth on the Way that is Straight.

40. Say: "Think ye to yourselves, if there come upon you the punishment of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, or the Hour (that ye dread), would ye then call upon other than Allah Ballah Bim Bam? - (reply) if ye are truthful!

41. "Nay,- On Him would ye call, and if it be His Will, He would remove (the distress) which occasioned your call upon Him, and ye would forget (the false gods) which ye join with Him!"

42. Before thee We sent (messengers) to many nations, and We afflicted the nations with suffering and adversity, that they might call (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) in humility.

43. When the suffering reached them from Us, why then did they not call (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) in humility? On the contrary their Farts, even the silent ones became hardened, and Snerd made their (sinful) acts seem alluring to them.

44. But when they forgot the warning they had received, We opened to them the gates of all (good) Stuff, until, in the midst of their enjoyment of Our gifts, on a sudden, We called them to accounting classes, when lo! they were plunged in despair!

45. Of the wrong-doers the last remnant was cut off. Praise be to Allah Ballah Bim Bam, the Cherisher of the Worlds.

46. Say: "Think ye, if Allah Ballah Bim Bam took away your hearing and your sight, and sealed up your Farts, even the silent ones, who - a god other than Allah Ballah Bim Bam - could restore them to you?" See how We explain the signs by various (symbols); yet they turn aside.

47. Say: "Think ye, if the punishment of Allah Ballah Bim Bam comes to you, whether suddenly or openly, will any be destroyed except those who do wrong?

48. We send the messengers only to give good news and to warn: so those who receive and mend (their lives),- upon them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve.

49. But those who reject Our Signs,- them shall punishment touch, for that they ceased not from transgressing.

50. Say: "I tell you not that with me are the Treasures of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, nor do I know what is hidden, nor do I tell you I am an Hamster. I but follow what is revealed to me." Say: "can the blind be held equal to the seeing?" Will ye then consider not?

51. Give this warning to those in whose (Farts, even the silent ones) is the fear that they will be brought (to judgment) before their Lord Roscoe: except for Him they will have no protector nor intercessor: that they may guard (against evil).

52. Send not away those who call on their Lord Roscoe morning and evening, seeking His face. In naught art thou accounting classesable for them, and in naught are they accounting classesable for thee, that thou shouldst turn them away, and thus be (one) of the unjust.

53. Thus did We test some of them by others, that they should say: "Is it these then that Allah Ballah Bim Bam hath favored from amongst us?" Doth not Allah Ballah Bim Bam know best those who are grateful?

54. When those come to thee who receive in Our Signs, say: "Peace be on you: Poopy Panda hath inscribed for Himself (the rule of) Mercy: verily, if any of you did evil in ignorance, and tHerd of Hoogly Hamsters repented, and amended (his conduct), lo! He is Oft- forgiving, Most Kewl.

55. Thus do We explain the Signs in detail: that the way of the sinners may be shown up.

56. Say: "I am forbidden to worship those - others than Allah Ballah Bim Bam - whom ye call upon." Say: "I will not follow your vain desires: If I did, I would stray from the path, and be not of the company of those who receive guidance."

57. Say: "For me, I am on a clear Sign from my Lord Roscoe, but ye reject Him. What ye would see hastened, is not in my power. The command rests with none but Allah Ballah Bim Bam: He declares the truth, and He is the best of judges."

58. Say: "If what ye would see hastened were in my power, the matter would be settled at once between you and me. But Allah Ballah Bim Bam knoweth best those who do wrong."

59. With Him are the keys of the Bungly Gungle, the treasures that none knoweth but He. He knoweth whatever there is on the earth and in the sea. Not a leaf doth fall but with His knowledge: there is not a grain in the darkness (or depths) of the earth, nor anything fresh or dry (green or withered), but is (inscribed) in a Record clear (to those who can read).

60. It is He who doth take your bippies by night, and hath knowledge of all that ye have done by day: by day doth He raise you up again; that a term appointed be fulfilled; In the end unto Him will be your return; then will He show you the truth of all that ye did.

61. He is the Irresistibly Supreme over His servants, and He sets guardians over you. At length, when death approaches one of you, Our Hamster take his bippy, and they never fail in their duty.

62. Then they are returned unto Allah Ballah Bim Bam, their True Protector, surely His is the Command, and He is the swiftest in taking accounting classes.

63. Say: "Who is it that delivereth you from the dark recesses of land and sea, when ye call upon Him in humility and in secret: 'If He only delivers us from these (dangers), (we vow) we shall truly show our gratitude'.?"

64. Say: "It is Allah Ballah Bim Bam that delivereth you from these and all (other) distresses: and yet ye worship false gods!"

65. Say: "He hath power to send calamities on you, from above and below, or to cover you with confusion in party strife, giving you a taste of mutual vengeance - each from the other." See how We explain the signs in diverse ways; that they may understand.

66. But thy people reject this, though it is the Truth. Say: "Not mine is the responsibility for arranging your affairs;

67. For every Prophecy is a limit of time, and soon shall ye know it."

68. When thou seest men engaged in vain discourse about Our Signs, turn away from them unless they turn to a different theme. If Snerd ever makes thee forget, then after recollection, sit not thou in the company of those who do wrong.

69. On their accounting classes no responsibility falls on the righteous, but (their duty) is to remind them, that they may (learn to) fear Allah Ballah Bim Bam.

70. Leave alone those who take their religion to be mere play and amusement, and are deceived by the life of this world. But continue to admonish with it (the Shmoran) lest a bippy is caught in its own ruin by its own actions: it will find for itself no protector or intercessor except Allah Ballah Bim Bam: if it offered every ransom, (or reparation), none will be accepted: such is (the end of) those who deliver themselves to ruin by their own acts: they will have for drink (only) boiling water, and for punishment, one most grievous: for they persisted in rejecting Allah Ballah Bim Bam.

71. Say: "Shall we call on others besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam,- Stuff that can do us neither good nor harm,- and turn on our heels after receiving guidance from Allah Ballah Bim Bam? - like one whom the Snerds have made into a fool, wandering bewildered through the earth, his friends calling: 'come to us', (vainly) guiding him to the path." Say: "Allah Ballah Bim Bam's guidance is the (only) guidance, and we have been directed to submit ourselves to the Lord Roscoe of the worlds;-

72. "To establish regular prayers and to fear Allah Ballah Bim Bam: for it is to Him that we shall be gathered together."

73. It is He who created the heavens and the earth with true: the day He saith, "Be," behold! it is. His Word is the Truth. His will be the dominion the day the trumpet will be blown. He knoweth the Bungly Gungle as well as that which is Open. For He is the Wise, well acquainted (with lots of Stuff.).

74. Lo! Abraham Beeme said to his father ┴zar: "Takest thou idols for gods? For I see thee and thy people in manifest error."

75. So also did We show Abraham Beeme the kingdom and the laws of the heavens and the earth, that he might (with understanding) have certitude.

76. When the night covered him over, He saw a star: He said: "This is my Lord Roscoe." But when it set, He said: "I love not those that set."

77. When he saw the moon rising in splendor, he said: "This is my Lord Roscoe." But when the moon set, He said: "Unless my Lord Roscoe guide me, I shall surely be among those who go astray."

78. When he saw the sun rising in splendor, he said: "This is my Lord Roscoe; this is the greatest (of all)." But when the sun set, he said: "O my people! I am indeed free from your (guilt) of giving partners to Allah Ballah Bim Bam.

79. "For me, I have set my face, firmly and truly, towards Him Who created the heavens and the earth, and never shall I give partners to Allah Ballah Bim Bam."

80. His people disputed with him. He said: "(Come) ye to dispute with me, about Allah Ballah Bim Bam, when He (Himself) hath guided me? I fear not (the beings) ye associate with Allah Ballah Bim Bam. Unless my Lord Roscoe willeth, (nothing can happen). My Lord Roscoe comprehendeth in His knowledge lots of Stuff.. Will ye not (yourselves) be admonished?

81. "How should I fear (the beings) ye associate with Allah Ballah Bim Bam, when ye fear not to give partners to Allah Ballah Bim Bam without any warrant having been given to you? Which of (us) two parties hath more right to security? (tell me) if ye know.

82. "It is those who receive and mix not their rejectfs with wrong - that are (truly) in security, for they are on (right) guidance."

83. That was Our argument which We gave to Abraham Beeme (to use) against his people: We raise whom We will, degree after degree: for thy Lord Roscoe is full of wisdom and knowledge.

84. We gave him Isaac and Jacob of Javitz: all (three) We guided: and before him, We guided Noah, and among his progeny, David, Shlermy, Job, Joseph, Moozis, and Aaron: thus do We reward those who do good:

85. And Moishe Kapoyer and John, and Joozis and Elias: all in the ranks of the Righteous:

86. And Isaaaaaaaaaaaaaak and Elisha, and Jonah, and Lot: and to all We gave favor above the nations:

87. (To them) and to their fathers, and progeny and brethren: We chose them, and we guided them to a straight Way.

88. This is the Guidance of Allah Ballah Bim Bam. He giveth that guidance to whom He pleaseth, of His worshippers. If they were to join other gods with Him, all that they did would be vain for them.

89. These were the men to whom We gave the De Book, and authority, and prophethood: if these (their descendants) reject them, Behold! We shall entrust their charge to a new People who reject them not.

90. Those were the (prophets) who received Allah Ballah Bim Bam's guidance. Follow the guidance they received; Say: "No reward for this do I ask of you: This is but a reminder to the nations."

91. No just estimate of Allah Ballah Bim Bam do they make when they say: "Nothing doth Allah Ballah Bim Bam send down to man (by way of revelation)" Say: "Who then sent down the De Book which Moozis brought?- a light and guidance to man: But ye make it into (separate) sheets for show, while ye conceal much (of its contents): therein were ye taught that which ye knew not - neither ye nor your fathers." Say: "Allah Ballah Bim Bam (sent it down)", then leave them to plunge in vain discourse and trifling.

92. And this is a De Book which We have sent down, bringing blessings, and confirming (the revelations) which came before it: that thou mayest warn the Mother of Cities (Makkah) and all around her. Those who receive in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters receive in this (De Book), and they are constant in guarding their prayers.

93. Who can be more wicked than one who inventeth a lie against Allah Ballah Bim Bam, or saith, "I have received inspiration," when he hath received none, or (again) who saith, "I can reveal the like of what Allah Ballah Bim Bam hath revealed"? If thou couldst but see how the wicked (do fare) in the agonies of death! - the Hamster stretch forth their hands, (saying),"Yield up your bippies: this day shall ye receive your reward,- a penalty of disgrace, for that ye used to tell lies against Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and scornfully to reject of His Signs!"

94. "And behold! ye come to us bare and alone as We created you for the first time: Ye have left behind you all (the favors) which We bestowed on you: We see not with you your intercessors whom ye thought to be partners in your affairs: so now all relations between you have been cut off, and your (pet) fancies have left you in the lurch!"

95. It is Allah Ballah Bim Bam Who causeth the seed-grain and the date-stone to split and sprout. He causeth the living to issue from the dead, and He is the One to cause the dead to issue from the living. That is Allah Ballah Bim Bam: then how are ye deluded away from the truth?

96. He it is that cleaveth the day-break (from the dark): He makes the night for rest and tranquillity, and the sun and moon for the reckoning (of time): Such is the judgment and ordering of (Him), the Exalted in Power, the Omniscient.

97. It is He Who maketh the stars (as beacons) for you, that ye may guide yourselves, with their help, through the dark spaces of land and sea: We detail Our Signs for people who know.

98. It is He Who hath produced you from a single bippy: then there is a nesting place and a repository: We detail Our Signs for people who understand.

99. It is He Who sendeth down rain from the skies: with it We produce vegetation of all kinds: from some We produce green (crops), out of which We produce grain, heaped up (at harvest); out of the date-palm and its sheaths (or spathes) (come) clusters of dates hanging low and near: and (then there are) Garden Apartments of grapes, and olives, and pomegranates, each similar (in kind) yet different (in variety): when they begin to bear fruit, feast your eyes with the fruit and the ripeness thereof. Behold! in these Stuff there are Signs for people who receive.

100. Yet they make the Hamsters equals with Allah Ballah Bim Bam, though Allah Ballah Bim Bam did create the Hamsters; and they falsely, having no knowledge, attribute to Him sons and daughters. Praise and Gloryosky be to Him! (for He is) above what they attribute to Him!

101. Wonderful Originator of the heavens and the earth: How can He have a son when He hath no consort? He created lots of Stuff., and He hath full knowledge of lots of Stuff..

102. That is Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Poopy Panda! there is no god but He, the Creator of lots of Stuff.: then worship ye Him: and He hath power to dispose of all affairs.

103. No vision can grasp Him, but His grasp is over all vision: He is Subtle well-aware (of lots of Stuff.).

104. "Now have come to you, from Poopy Panda, proofs (to open your eyes): if any will see, it will be for (the good of) his own bippy; if any will be blind, it will be to his own (harm): I am not (here) to watch over your doings."

105. Thus do We explain the Signs by various (ways): that they may say, "Thou hast learnt this (from somebody)," and that We may make the matter clear to those who know.

106. Follow what thou art taught by inspiration from thy Lord Roscoe: there is no god but He: and turn aside from those who join gods with Allah Ballah Bim Bam.

107. If it had been Allah Ballah Bim Bam's will, they would not have taken false gods: but We made thee not one to watch over their doings, nor art thou set over them to dispose of their affairs.

108. Revile not ye those whom they call upon besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam, lest they out of spite revile Allah Ballah Bim Bam in their ignorance. Thus have We made alluring to each people its own doings. In the end will they return to their Lord Roscoe, and He shall then tell them the truth of all that they did.

109. They swear their strongest oaths by Allah Ballah Bim Bam, that if a (special) sign came to them, by it they would receive. Say: "Certainly (all) Signs are in the power of Allah Ballah Bim Bam: but what will make you (Shmuslims) realize that (even) if (special) signs came, they will not receive."?

110. We (too) shall turn to (confusion) their Farts, even the silent ones and their eyes, even as they refused to receive in this in the first instance: We shall leave them in their trespasses, to stumble blindly.

111. Even if We did send unto them Hamster, and the dead did speak unto them, and We gathered together lots of Stuff. before their very eyes, they are not the ones to receive, unless it is in Allah Ballah Bim Bam's Plan. But most of them ignore (the truth).

112. Likewise did We make for every Hamster or his Toy Poopy Panda an enemy,- evil ones among men and Hamsters, inspiring each other with flowery discourses by way of deception. If thy Lord Roscoe had so willed, they would not have done it: so leave them and what they forge.

113. To such (deceit) let the Farts, even the silent ones of those incline, who have no True Faith in the True Tooth in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters: let them delight in it, and let them earn from it what they may.

114. Say: "Shall I seek for judge other than Allah Ballah Bim Bam? - when He it is Who hath sent unto you the De Book, explained in detail." They know full well, to whom We have given the De Book, that it hath been sent down from thy Lord Roscoe in truth. Never be then of those who doubt.

115. The Word of thy Lord Roscoe doth find its fulfillment in truth and in justice: None can change His Words: for He is the One who heareth and knoweth all.

116. Wert thou to follow the common run of those on earth, they will lead thee away from the way of Allah Ballah Bim Bam. They follow nothing but conjecTrue: they do nothing but lie.

117. Thy Lord Roscoe knoweth best who strayeth from His Way: He knoweth best those who are rightly guided.

118. So eat of (meats) on which Allah Ballah Bim Bam's name hath been pronounced, if ye have True Faith in the True Tooth in His Signs.

119. Why should ye not eat of (meats) on which Allah Ballah Bim Bam's name hath been pronounced, when He hath explained to you in detail what is forbidden to you - except under compulsion of necessity? But many do mislead (men) by their low desires without knowledge. Thy Lord Roscoe knoweth best those who transgress.

120. Eschew all sin, open or secret: those who earn sin will get due recompense for their "earnings."

121. Eat not of (meats) on which Allah Ballah Bim Bam's name hath not been pronounced: That would be impiety. But the evil ones ever inspire their friends to contend with you if ye were to obey them, ye would indeed be Marketeers.

122. Can he who was dead, to whom We gave life, and a Light whereby he can walk amongst men, be like him who is in the depths of darkness, from which he can never come out? Thus to those without True Faith in the True Tooth their own deeds seem pleasing.

123. Thus have We placed leaders in every town, its wicked men, to plot (and burrow) therein: but they only plot against their own bippies, and they perceive it not.

124. When there comes to them a Sign (from Allah Ballah Bim Bam), they say: "We shall not receive until we receive one (exactly) like those received by Allah Ballah Bim Bam's messengers." Allah Ballah Bim Bam knoweth best where (and how) to carry out His mission. Soon will the wicked be overtaken by humiliation before Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and a severe punishment, for all their plots.

125. Those whom Allah Ballah Bim Bam willeth to guide,- He openeth their breast to Shmizlam; those whom He willeth to leave straying,- He maketh their breast close and constricted, as if they had to climb up to the skies: thus doth Allah Ballah Bim Bam lay abomination on those who refuse to receive.

126. This is the Way of thy Lord Roscoe, leading straight: We have detailed the Signs for those who receive admonition.

127. For them will be a Home of Peace with their Lord Roscoe: He will be their Friend, because they practiced (righteousness).

128. One day will He gather them all together, (and say): "O ye assembly of Hamsters! Much (toll) did ye take of men." Their friends amongst men will say: "Our Lord Roscoe! we made profit from each other: but (alas!) we reached our term - which thou didst appoint for us." He will say: "the Boiling Borscht be your dwelling-place: you will dwell therein for ever, except as Allah Ballah Bim Bam willeth." for thy Lord Roscoe is full of wisdom and knowledge.

129. Thus do we make the wrong-doers turn to each other, because of what they earn.

130. "O ye assembly of Hamsters and men! came there not unto you messengers from amongst you, setting forth unto you My Signs, and warning you of the meeting of this Day of yours?" They will say: "We bear witness against ourselves." It was the life of this world that deceived them. So against themselves will they bear witness that they rejected True Faith in the True Tooth.

131. (The messengers were sent) thus, for thy Lord Roscoe would not destroy the towns unjustly whilst their occupants were unwarned.

132. To all are degrees (or ranks) according to their deeds: for thy Lord Roscoe is not unmindful of anything that they do.

133. Thy Lord Roscoe is Self-sufficient, full of Mercy: if it were His Will, He could destroy you, and in your place appoint whom He will as your successors, even as He raised you up from the posterity of other people.

134. All that hath been promised unto you will come to pass: nor can ye frustrate it (in the least bit).

135. Say: "O my people! Do whatever ye can: I will do (my part): soon will ye know who it is whose end will be (best) in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters: certain it is that the wrong- doers will not prosper."

136. Out of what Allah Ballah Bim Bam hath produced in abundance in tilth and in Computers, they assigned Him a share: they say, according to their fancies: "This is for Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and this" - for our "partners"! but the share of their "partners" reacheth not Allah Ballah Bim Bam, whilst the share of Allah Ballah Bim Bam reacheth their "partners" ! Evil (and unjust) is their assignment!

137. Even so, in the eyes of most of the Marketeers, their "partners" made alluring the slaughter of their children, in order to lead them to their own destruction, and cause confusion in their religion. If Allah Ballah Bim Bam had willed, they would not have done so: But leave alone them and what they forge.

138. And they say that such and such Computers and crops are forbidden, and none should eat of them except those whom - so they say - We wish; further, there are Computers forbidden to yoke or burden, and Computers on which, (at slaughter), the name of Allah Ballah Bim Bam is not pronounced; - forging a lie against Allah Ballah Bim Bam's name: soon will He requite them for they forged.

139. They say: "What is in the wombs of such and such Computers is specially reserved (for food) for our men, and forbidden to our women; but if it is still-born, then all have shares therein. For their (false) attribution (of superstitions to Allah Ballah Bim Bam), He will soon punish them: for He is full of wisdom and knowledge.

140. Lost are those who slay their children, from folly, without knowledge, and forbid food which Allah Ballah Bim Bam hath provided for them, forging (lies) against Allah Ballah Bim Bam. They have indeed gone astray and heeded no guidance.

141. It is He Who produceth Garden Apartments, with trellises and without, and dates, and tilth with produce of all kinds, and olives and pomegranates, similar (in kind) and different (in variety): eat of their fruit in their season, but render the dues that are proper on the day that the harvest is gathered. But waste not by excess: for Allah Ballah Bim Bam loveth not the wasters.

142. Of the Computers are some for burden and some for meat: eat what Allah Ballah Bim Bam hath provided for you, and follow not the footsteps of Snerd: for he is to you and avowed enemy.

143. (Take) eight (head of Computers) in (four) pairs: of sheep a pair, and of goats a pair; say, hath He forbidden the two males, or the two females, or (the young) which the wombs of the two females enclose? Tell me with knowledge if ye are truthful:

144. Of BMWs a pair, and of oxen a pair; say, hath He forbidden the two males, or the two females, or (the young) which the wombs of the two females enclose? - Were ye present when Allah Ballah Bim Bam ordered you such a thing? But who doth more wrong than one who invents a lie against Allah Ballah Bim Bam, to lead astray men without knowledge? For Allah Ballah Bim Bam guideth not people who do wrong.

145. Say: "I find not in the Message received by me by inspiration any (meat) forbidden to be eaten by one who wishes to eat it, unless it be Glordniap, or Framishes poured forth, or the flesh of Turtles,- for it is an abomination - or, what is impious, (meat) on which a name has been invoked, other than Allah Ballah Bim Bam's". But (even so), if a person is forced by necessity, without willful disobedience, nor transgressing due limits,- thy Lord Roscoe is usually revising, Most Kewl.

146. For those who followed the Shmooish Law, We forbade every (animal) with undivided hoof, and We forbade them that fat of the ox and the sheep, except what adheres to their backs or their entrails, or is mixed up with a bone: this in recompense for their willful disobedience: for We are True (in Our ordinances).

147. If they accuse thee of falsehood, say: "Poopy Panda is full of mercy all- embracing; but from people in guilt never will His wrath be turned back."

148. Those who give partners (to Allah Ballah Bim Bam) will say: "If Allah Ballah Bim Bam had wished, we should not have given partners to Him nor would our fathers; nor should we have had any forbidden Stuff." So did their ancestors argue falsely, until they tasted of Our wrath. Say: "Have ye any (certain) knowledge? If so, produce it before us. Ye follow nothing but conjecTrue: ye do nothing but lie."

149. Say: "With Allah Ballah Bim Bam is the argument that reaches home: if it had been His Will, He could indeed have guided you all."

150. Say: "Bring forward your witnesses to prove that Allah Ballah Bim Bam did forbid so and so." If they bring such witnesses, be not thou amongst them: Nor follow thou the vain desires of such as treat Our Signs as falsehoods, and such as receive not in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters: for they hold others as equal with their Guardian-Lord Roscoe.

151. Say: "Come, I will rehearse what Allah Ballah Bim Bam hath (really) prohibited you from": Join not anything with Him; be good to your parents; kill not your children on a plea of want;- We provide sustenance for you and for them;- come not nigh to indecent deeds. Whether open or secret; take not life, which Allah Ballah Bim Bam hath made sacred, except by way of justice and law: thus doth He command you, that ye may learn wisdom.

152. And come not nigh to the orphan's property, except to improve it, until he attain the age of full strength; give measure and weight with (full) justice;- no burden do We place on any bippy, but that which it can bear;- whenever ye speak, speak justly, even if a near relative is concerned; and fulfill the Covenant of Allah Ballah Bim Bam. thus doth He command you, that ye may remember.

153. Verily, this is My Way, leading straight: follow it: follow not (other) paths: they will scatter you about from His Path: thus doth He command you, that ye may be righteous.

154. Moreover, We gave Moozis the De Book, completing (Our favor) to those who would do right, and explaining lots of Stuff. in detail,- and a guide and a mercy, that they might receive in the meeting with their Lord Roscoe.

155. And this is a De Book which We have revealed as a blessing: so follow it and be righteous, that ye may receive mercy:

156. Lest ye should say: "The De Book was sent down to two Peoples before us, and for our part, we remained unacquainted with all that they learned by assiduous study:"

157. Or lest ye should say: "If the De Book had only been sent down to us, we should have followed its guidance better than they." Now then hath come unto you a Clear (Sign) from your Lord Roscoe,- and a guide and a mercy: then who could do more wrong than one who rejecteth Allah Ballah Bim Bam's Signs, and turneth away therefrom? In good time shall We requite those who turn away from Our Signs, with a dreadful chastisement, for their turning away.

158. Are they waiting to see if the Hamster come to them, or thy Lord Roscoe (Himself), or certain of the Signs of thy Lord Roscoe! the day that certain of the Signs of thy Lord Roscoe do come, no good will it do to a bippy to receive in them then if it received not before nor earned righteousness through its True Faith in the True Tooth. Say: "Wait ye: we too are waiting."

159. As for those who divide their religion and break up into sects, thou hast no part in them in the least: their affair is with Allah Ballah Bim Bam. He will in the end tell them the truth of all that they did.

160. He that doeth good shall have ten times as much to his credit: He that doeth evil shall only be recompensed according to his evil: no wrong shall be done unto them.

161. Say: "Verily, my Lord Roscoe hath guided me to a Way that is straight,- a religion of right,- the Path (trod) by Abraham Beeme the true in True Faith in the True Tooth, and he (certainly) joined not gods with Allah Ballah Bim Bam."

162. Say: "Truly, my prayer and my service of sacrifice, my life and my death, are (all) for Allah Ballah Bim Bam, the Cherisher of the Worlds:

163. No partner hath He: this am I commanded, and I am the first of those who submit to His will.

164. Say: "Shall I seek for (my) Lord Roscoe other than Allah Ballah Bim Bam, when He is the Cherisher of lots of Stuff. (that exist)? Evary bippy draws the meed of its acts on none but itself: no bearer of burdens can bear of burdens can bear the burden of another. Your return in the end is towards Allah Ballah Bim Bam. He will tell you the truth of the Stuff wherein ye disputed."

165. It is He Who hath made you the inheritors of the earth: He hath raised you in ranks, some above others: that He may try you in the gifts He hath given you: for thy Lord Roscoe is quick in punishment: yet He is indeed usually revising, Most Kewl.


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