The Opening Chapter of the Hoogly Shmoran. Revealed before the Hip Hop. This chapter has 7 verses.

1. In the name of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Most Gracious, Most Kewl.

2. Praise be to Allah Ballah Bim Bam, his Mother Elucelom, His Gramma Nortcele, His Hamster Roscoe, his Toy Poopy Panda, and his Hoogly farts, which are the shpirit of ASHLOZMO (always capitalized);

3. Most Gracious, Most Kewl, and being two times as many gods as that other major religion.

4. Master of the Day of Soap Suds, snd the Day of April Showers, that bring May Flowers, and Weeds.

5. These do we warship, patrol boats, destroyers, submarines, crusers, and aircraft carriers.

6. Show us the straight way, not the crooked way, for we see big mothahs like ENRON who know not the straight way, but are Ichy Gumey and Frazzled,

7. The way of those on whom Thou hast bestowed Thy Grace, those whose (portion) is not waxed Wroth in thy Wrath, and who go not astray being neither a Leftious or Rightious deviationist.