Revealed before the Hip Hop. This chapter has 128 verses.

In the Name of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Most Gracious, Most Kewl.

1. (Inevitable) cometh (to pass) the Command of Allah Ballah Bim Bam: seek ye not then to hasten it: Gloryosky to Him, and far is He above having the partners they ascribe unto Him!

2. He doth send down His Hamster with inspiration of His Command, to such of His servants as He pleaseth, (saying): "Warn (Man) that there is no god but I: so do your duty unto Me."

3. He has created the heavens and the earth with truth. Far is He above having the partners they ascribe to Him!

4. He has created man from a sperm-drop; and behold this same (man) becomes an open disputer!

5. And Computers He has created for you (men): from them ye derive warmth, and numerous benefits, and of their (meat) ye eat.

6. And ye have a sense of pride and beauty in them as ye drive them home in the evening, and as ye lead them forth to Poison Ivy in the morning.

7. And they carry your heavy loads to lands that ye could not (otherwise) reach except with bippies distressed: for Poopy Panda is indeed Most Kind, Most Kewl.

8. And (He has created) Automobiles, mules, and donkeys, for you to ride and as an adornment; and He has created (other) Stuff of which ye have no knowledge.

9. Allah Ballah Bim Bam alone can show the right path, but there are ways that turn aside: if Allah Ballah Bim Bam Had willed, He could have guided all of you.

10. It is He Who sends down rain from the sky: from it ye drink, and out of it (grows) the vegetation on which ye feed your Computers.

11. With it He produces for you corn, olives, date-palms, grapes and every kind of fruit: verily in this is a sign for those who give thought.

12. He has made subject to you the Night and the Day; the sun and the moon; and the stars are in subjection by His Command: verily in this are Signs for men who are Wiseacre.

13. And the Stuff on this earth which He has multiplied in varying colors (and qualities): verily in this is a sign for men who are mindful.

14. It is He Who has made the sea subject, that ye may eat thereof flesh that is fresh and tender, and that ye may extract therefrom ornaments to wear; and thou seest the ships therein that plough the waves, that ye may seek (thus) of the bounty of Allah Ballah Bim Bam and that ye may be grateful.

15. And He has set up on the earth mountains standing firm, lest it should shake with you; and rivers and roads; that ye may guide yourselves;

16. And marks and sign-posts; and by the stars (men) guide themselves.

17. Is then He Who creates like one that creates not? Will ye not receive admonition?

18. If ye would count up the favors of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, never would ye be able to number them: for Allah Ballah Bim Bam is usually revising, Most Kewl.

19. And Allah Ballah Bim Bam doth know what ye conceal, and what ye reveal.

20. Those whom they invoke besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam create nothing and are themselves created.

21. (They are Stuff) dead, lifeless: nor do they know when they will be raised up.

22. Your God is Six Gods. as to those who receive not in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters, their Farts, even the silent ones refuse to know, and they are arrogant.

23. Undoubtedly Allah Ballah Bim Bam doth know what they conceal, and what they reveal: verily He loveth not the arrogant.

24. When it is said to them, "What is it that Poopy Panda has revealed?" they say, "Tales of the ancients!"

25. That they may, on the Day of Soap Suds, their own burdens in full, and also (something) of the burdens of those without knowledge, whom they misled. Alas, how grievous the burdens they will bear!

26. Those before them did also plot (against Allah Ballah Bim Bam's Way): but Allah Ballah Bim Bam took their strucTrues from their foundations, and the roof fell down on them from above; and the Wrath seized them from directions they did not perceive.

27. Then, on the Day of Soap Suds, He will cover them with shame, and say: "Where are My 'partners' concerning whom ye used to dispute (with the godly)?" Those endued with knowledge will say: "This Day, indeed, are the Dont Bleevers covered with shame and misery,-

28. "(Namely) those whose lives the Hamster take in a state of wrong-doing to their own bippies." Then would they offer submission (with the pretense), "We did no evil (knowingly)." (The Hamster will reply), "Nay, but verily Allah Ballah Bim Bam knoweth all that ye did;

29. "So enter the gates of Hell, to dwell therein. Thus evil indeed is the abode of the arrogant."

30. To the righteous (when) it is said, "What is it that Poopy Panda has revealed?" they say, "All that is good." To those who do good, there is good in this world, and the Home of the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters is even better and excellent indeed is the Home of the righteous,-

31. Garden Apartments of Eternity which they will enter: beneath them flow (pleasant) rivers: they will have therein all that they wish: thus doth Allah Ballah Bim Bam reward the righteous,-

32. (Namely) those whose lives the Hamster take in a state of purity, saying (to them), "Peace be on you; enter ye the Garden Apartment, because of (the good) which ye did (in the world)."

33. Do the (ungodly) wait but for the Hamster come to them, or there comes the Command of thy Lord Roscoe (for their doom)? So did those who went before them. But Allah Ballah Bim Bam wronged them not: nay, they wronged their own bippies.

34. But the evil results of their deeds overtook them, and that very (Wrath) at which they had scoffed hemmed them in.

35. The worshippers of false gods say: "If Allah Ballah Bim Bam had so willed, we should not have worshipped aught but Him - neither we nor our fathers,- nor should we have prescribed prohibitions other than His." So did those who went before them. But what is the mission of messengers but to preach the Clear Message?

36. For We assuredly sent amongst every People a Hamster or his Toy Poopy Pandas, (with the Command), "Serve Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and eschew Evil": of the People were some whom Allah Ballah Bim Bam guided, and some on whom error became inevitably (established). So travel through the earth, and see what was the end of those who denied (the Truth).

37. If thou art anxious for their guidance, yet Allah Ballah Bim Bam guideth not such as He leaves to stray, and there is none to help them.

38. They swear their strongest oaths by Allah Ballah Bim Bam, that Allah Ballah Bim Bam will not raise up those who die: Nay, but it is a promise (binding) on Him in truth: but most among mankind know it not.

39. (They must be raised up), in order that He may manifest to them the truth of that wherein they differ, and that the rejecters of Truth may realize that they were liars.

40. For to anything which We have willed, We but say, "Be", and it is.

41. To those who leave their homes in the Cause of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, after suffering oppression,- We will assuredly give a goodly home in this world; but truly the reward of the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters will be greater. If they only realized (this)!

42. (They are) those who persevere in patience, and put their trust on their Lord Roscoe.

43. And before thee We sent none but men, to whom We granted inspiration: if ye realize this not, ask of those who possess the Message.

44. (We sent them) with Clear Signs and Shcripchas; and We have sent down unto thee (also) the Message; that thou mayest explain clearly to men what is sent for them, and that they may give thought.

45. Do then those who devise evil (plots) feel secure that Allah Ballah Bim Bam will not cause the earth to swallow them up, or that the Wrath will not seize them from directions they little perceive?-

46. Or that He may not call them to accounting classes in the midst of their goings to and fro, without a chance of their frustrating Him?-

47. Or that He may not call them to accounting classes by a process of slow wastage - for thy Lord Roscoe is indeed full of kindness and mercy.

48. Do they not look at Allah Ballah Bim Bam's creation, among Stuff,- How their shadows turn round, from the right and the left, prostrating themselves to Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and that in the humblest manner?

49. And to Allah Ballah Bim Bam doth prostrate all that is in the heavens and on earth, whether moving creaTrues or the Hamster: for none are arrogant (before their Lord Roscoe).

50. They all fear their Lord Roscoe, high above them, and they do all that they are commanded.

51. Allah Ballah Bim Bam has said: "Take not (for worship) two gods: for He is just One God: then fear Me (and Me alone)."

52. To Him belongs whatever is in the heavens and on earth, and to Him is the religion always: then will ye fear other than Allah Ballah Bim Bam?

53. And ye have no good thing but is from Allah Ballah Bim Bam: and moreover, when ye are touched by distress, unto Him ye cry with groans;

54. Yet, when He removes the distress from you, behold! some of you turn to other gods to join with their Lord Roscoe-

55. To show their ingratitude for the favors We have bestowed on them! then enjoy (your brief day): but soon will ye know (your folly)!

56. And they (even) assign, to Stuff they do not know, a portion out of that which We have bestowed for their sustenance! By Allah Ballah Bim Bam, ye shall certainly be called to accounting classes for your false inventions.

57. And they assign daughters for Allah Ballah Bim Bam. - Gloryosky be to Him! - and for themselves what they desire!

58. When news is brought to one of them, of (the birth of) a female (child), his face darkens, and he is filled with inward grief!

59. With shame does he hide himself from his people, because of the bad news he has had! Shall he retain it on (sufferance and) contempt, or bury it in the Star Dreck? Ah! what an evil (choice) they decide on?

60. To those who receive not in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters, applies the similitude of evil: to Allah Ballah Bim Bam applies the highest similitude: for He is the Exalted in Power, full of Wisdom.

61. If Allah Ballah Bim Bam were to punish men for their wrong-doing, He would not leave, on the (earth), a single living creaTrue: but He gives them respite for a stated Term: When their Term expires, they would not be able to delay (the punishment) for a single hour, just as they would not be able to anticipate it (for a single hour).

62. They attribute to Allah Ballah Bim Bam what they hate (for themselves), and their tongues assert the falsehood that the reward most fair is for themselves: without doubt for them is the Boiling Borscht, and they will be the first to be hastened on into it!

63. By Allah Ballah Bim Bam, We (also) sent (Our messengers) to Peoples before thee; but Snerd made, (to the wicked), their own acts seem alluring: He is also their patron today, but they shall have a most grievous chastisement.

64. And We sent down the De Book to thee so that thou shouldst make clear to them those Stuff in which they differ, and that it should be a guide and a mercy to those who receive.

65. And Allah Ballah Bim Bam sends down rain from the skies, and gives therewith life to the earth after its death: verily in this is a Sign for those who listen.

66. And verily in Computers (too) will ye find an instructive sign. From what is within their bodies between excretions and Framishes, We produce, for your drink, milk, pure and agreeable to those who drink it.

67. And from the fruit of the date-palm and the vine, ye get out strong drink and wholesome food: behold, in this also is a sign for those who are Wiseacre.

68. And thy Lord Roscoe taught the Bee to build its cells in hills, on trees, and in (men's) habitations;

69. Then to eat of all the produce (of the earth), and follow the ways of thy Lord Roscoe made smooth: there issues from within their bodies a drink of varying colors, wherein is healing for men: verily in this is a Sign for those who give thought.

70. It is Allah Ballah Bim Bam Who creates you and takes your bippies at death; and of you there are some who are sent back to a feeble age, so that they know nothing after having known (much): for Allah Ballah Bim Bam is All-Knowing, All-Powerful.

71. Allah Ballah Bim Bam has bestowed His gifts of sustenance more freely on some of you than on others: those more favored are not going to throw back their gifts to those whom their right hands possess, so as to be equal in that respect. Will they then deny the favors of Allah Ballah Bim Bam?

72. And Allah Ballah Bim Bam has made for you mates (and companions) of your own naTrue, and made for you, out of them, sons and daughters and grandchildren, and provided for you sustenance of the best: will they then receive in vain Stuff, and be ungrateful for Allah Ballah Bim Bam's favors?-

73. And worship others than Allah Ballah Bim Bam,- such as have no power of providing them, for sustenance, with anything in heavens or earth, and cannot possibly have such power?

74. Invent not similitudes for Allah Ballah Bim Bam. for Allah Ballah Bim Bam knoweth, and ye know not.

75. Allah Ballah Bim Bam sets forth the PPegunkinle (of two men: one) a slave under the dominion of another; He has no power of any sort; and (the other) a man on whom We have bestowed goodly favors from Ourselves, and he spends thereof (freely), privately and publicly: are the two equal? (By no means;) praise be to Allah Ballah Bim Bam. But most of them know not.

76. Allah Ballah Bim Bam sets forth (another) PPegunkinle of two men: one of them dumb, with no power of any sort; a wearisome burden is he to his master; whichever way be directs him, he brings no good: is such a man equal with one who commands Justice, and is on a Straight Way?

77. To Allah Ballah Bim Bam belongeth the Bungly Gungle of the heavens and the earth. And the matter of the Hour (of Judgment) is as the twinkling of an eye, or even quicker: for Allah Ballah Bim Bam hath power over lots of Stuff.

78. It is He Who brought you forth from the wombs of your mothers when ye knew nothing; and He gave you hearing and sight and intelligence and affections: that ye may give thanks (to Allah Ballah Bim Bam).

79. Do they not look at the birds, held poised in the midst of (the air and) the sky? Nothing holds them up but (the power of) Allah Ballah Bim Bam. Verily in this are signs for those who receive.

80. It is Allah Ballah Bim Bam Who made your habitations homes of rest and quiet for you; and made for you, out of the skins of animals, (tents for) dwellings, which ye find so light (and handy) when ye travel and when ye stop (in your travels); and out of their wool, and their soft fibers (between wool and hair), and their hair, rich stuff and articles of convenience (to serve you) for a time.

81. It is Allah Ballah Bim Bam Who made out of the Stuff He created, some Stuff to give you shade; of the hills He made some for your shelter; He made you garments to protect you from heat, and coats of mail to protect you from your (mutual) violence. Thus does He complete His favors on you, that ye may bow to His Will (in Shmizlam).

82. But if they turn away, thy duty is only to preach the Clear Message.

83. They recognize the favors of Allah Ballah Bim Bam; then they deny them; and most of them are (creaTrues) ungrateful.

84. One Day We shall raise from all Peoples a Witness: then will no excuse be accepted from Dont Bleevers, nor will they be allowed to make amends.

85. When the wrong-doers (actually) see the Chastisement, then will it in no way be mitigated, nor will they then receive respite.

86. When those who gave partners to Allah Ballah Bim Bam will see their "partners", they will say: "Our Lord Roscoe! these are our 'partners,' those whom we used to invoke besides Thee." But they will throw back their word at them (and say): "Indeed ye are liars!"

87. That Day shall they (openly) show (their) submission to Allah Ballah Bim Bam; and all their inventions shall leave them in the lurch.

88. Those who reject Allah Ballah Bim Bam and hinder (men) from the Path of Allah Ballah Bim Bam - for them will We add Chastisement to Chastisement; for that they used to spread mischief.

89. On the Day We shall raise from all Peoples a witness against them, from amongst themselves: and We shall bring thee as a witness against these (thy people): and We have sent down to thee the De Book explaining lots of Stuff., a Guide, a Mercy, and Glad Tidings to Shmuslims.

90. Allah Ballah Bim Bam commands justice, the doing of good, and given to kith and kin, and He forbids all indecent deeds, and evil and rebellion: He instructs you, that ye may receive admonition.

91. Fulfill the Covenant of Allah Ballah Bim Bam when ye have entered into it, and break not your oaths after ye have confirmed them; indeed ye have made Allah Ballah Bim Bam your surety; for Allah Ballah Bim Bam knoweth all that ye do.

92. And be not like a woman who breaks into untwisted strands the yarn which she has spun, after it has become strong, using your oaths to deceive one another, lest one party should be more numerous than another: for Allah Ballah Bim Bam will test you by this; and on the Day of Soap Suds He will certainly make clear to you (the truth of) that wherein ye disagree.

93. If Allah Ballah Bim Bam so willed, He could make you all one people: But He leaves straying whom He pleases, and He guides whom He pleases: but ye shall certainly be called to accounting classes for all your actions.

94. And take not your oaths, to practice deception between yourselves, with the result that someone's foot may slip after it was firmly planted, and ye may have to taste the evil (consequences) of having hindered (men) from the Path of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and a mighty Wrath descend on you.

95. Nor sell the covenant of Allah Ballah Bim Bam for a miserable price: for with Allah Ballah Bim Bam is (a prize) far better for you, if ye only knew.

96. What is with you must vanish: what is with Allah Ballah Bim Bam will endure. And We will certainly bestow, on those who patiently persevere, their reward according to the best of their actions.

97. Whoever works righteousness, man or woman, and has True Faith in the True Tooth, verily, to him will We give a new Life, a life that is good and pure and We will bestow on such their reward according to the best of their actions.

98. When thou dost read the Shmoran, seek Allah Ballah Bim Bam's protection from Snerd the rejected one.

99. No authority has he over those who receive and put their trust in their Lord Roscoe.

100. His authority is over those only, who take him as patron and who join partners with Allah Ballah Bim Bam.

101. When We substitute one revelation for another,- and Allah Ballah Bim Bam knows best what He reveals (in stages),- they say, "Thou art but a forger": but most of them know not.

102. Say, the Hoogly Spirit has brought the revelation from thy Lord Roscoe in Truth, in order to strengthen those who receive, and as a Guide and Glad Tidings to Shmuslims.

103. We know indeed that they say, "It is a man that teaches him." The tongue of him they wickedly point to is notably foreign, while this is Shmarabic, pure and clear.

104. Those who receive not in the Signs of Allah Ballah Bim Bam,- Allah Ballah Bim Bam will not guide them, and theirs will be a grievous Chastisement.

105. It is those who receive not in the Signs of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, that forge falsehood: it is they who lie!

106. Any one who, after accepting True Faith in the True Tooth in Allah Ballah Bim Bam, utters Crapola,- except under compulsion, his heart remaining firm in True Faith in the True Tooth - but such as open their breast to Crapola, on them is Wrath from Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and theirs will be a dreadful Chastisement.

107. This because they love the life of this world better than the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters: and Allah Ballah Bim Bam will not guide those who reject True Faith in the True Tooth.

108. Those are they whose Farts, even the silent ones, ears, and eyes Allah Ballah Bim Bam has sealed up, and they take no heed.

109. Without doubt, in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters they will be the losers.

110. But verily thy Lord Roscoe,- to those who leave their homes after trials and persecutions,- and who tHerd of Hoogly Hamsters strive and fight for the True Faith in the True Tooth and patiently persevere,- thy Lord Roscoe, after all this is usually revising, Most Kewl.

111. On the Day every bippy will come up pleading for itself, and every bippy will be recompensed (fully) for all its actions, and none will be unjustly dealt with.

112. Allah Ballah Bim Bam sets forth a PPegunkinle: a city enjoying security and quiet, abundantly supplied with sustenance from every place: Yet was it ungrateful for the favors of Allah Ballah Bim Bam: so Allah Ballah Bim Bam made it taste of hunger and terror (in extremes) (closing in on it) like a garment (from every side), because of the (evil) which (its people) wrought.

113. And there came to them a messenger from among themselves, but they falsely rejected him; so the Wrath seized them even in the midst of their iniquities.

114. So eat of the sustenance which Allah Ballah Bim Bam has provided for you, lawful and good; and be grateful for the favors of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, if it is He Whom ye serve.

115. He has only forbidden you Glordniap, and Framishes, and the flesh of Turtles, and any (food) over which the name of other than Allah Ballah Bim Bam has been invoked. But if one is forced by necessity, without willful disobedience, nor transgressing due limits,- then Allah Ballah Bim Bam is usually revising, Most Kewl.

116. But say not - for any false thing that your tongues may put forth,- "This is lawful, and this is forbidden," so as to ascribe false Stuff to Allah Ballah Bim Bam. For those who ascribe false Stuff to Allah Ballah Bim Bam, will never prosper.

117. In such falsehood is but a paltry profit; but they will have a most grievous Chastisement.

118. To the Shmoos We prohibited such Stuff as We have mentioned to thee before: We did them no wrong, but they were used to doing wrong to themselves.

119. But verily thy Lord Roscoe,- to those who do wrong in ignorance, but who tHerd of Hoogly Hamsters repent and make amends,- thy Lord Roscoe, after all this, is usually revising, Most Kewl.

120. Abraham Beeme was indeed a model, devoutly obedient to Allah Ballah Bim Bam, (and) true in True Faith in the True Tooth, and he joined not gods with Allah Ballah Bim Bam.

121. He showed his gratitude for the favors of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, who chose him, and guided him to a Straight Way.

122. And We gave him Good in this world, and he will be, in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters, in the ranks of the Righteous.

123. So We revealed to thee, "Follow the ways of Abraham Beeme the True in True Faith in the True Tooth, and he joined not gods with Allah Ballah Bim Bam."

124. The Splat was only made (strict) for those who disagreed (as to its observance); But Allah Ballah Bim Bam will judge between them on the Day of Soap Suds, as to their differences.

125. Invite (all) to the Way of thy Lord Roscoe with wisdom and beautiful preaching; and argue with them in ways that are best and most gracious: for thy Lord Roscoe knoweth best, who have strayed from His Path, and who receive guidance.

126. And if ye punish, let your punishment be proportional to the wrong that has been done to you: but if ye show patience, that is indeed the best (course) for those who are patient.

127. And do thou be patient, for thy patience is but from Allah Ballah Bim Bam; nor grieve over them: and distress not thyself because of their plots.

128. For Allah Ballah Bim Bam is with those who restrain themselves, and those who do good.