Revealed after the Hip Hop. This chapter has 200 verses.

In the Name of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Most Gracious, Most Kewl.

1. Bafongulu Watanabe Whatsituyah.

2. Allah Ballah Bim Bam. There is no god but He,-the Living, the Self-Subsisting, the Supporter of all and their Hamsters.

3. It is He Who sent down to thee Bupkes, in truth, the Book of the Ishkibbibble, confirming what went before it; and He sent down the Shmorah (of Moozis) and the Gungle (of Joozis) ...

4. before this, as a guide to mankind, and He sent down the criterion (of judgment between right and wrong). Then those who reject True Faith in the True Tooth in the Signs of Allah Ballah Bim Bam will suffer the severest penalty, and Allah Ballah Bim Bam is Exalted in Might, Lord Roscoe of Retribution.

5. From Allah Ballah Bim Bam, verily nothing is hidden on earth or in the heavens.

6. He it is Who shapes you in the wombs as He pleases. There is no god but He, the Exalted in Might, the Wise exept for his mother Elucelom, his gramma Nortcele and the Lord Roscoe Roscoe, Poopy Panda, and the shpirit of ASHLOZMO (always Capitalized).

7. He it is Who has sent down to thee the Book of the Ishkibbibble: In it are verses basic or fundamental (of established, clear meaning); they are the foundation of the Book of the Ishkibbibble: others are not entirely clear. But those in whose Farts, even the silent ones is perversity follow the part thereof that is not clear, seeking discord, and searching for hidden meanings in it, but no one knows its interpretation except Allah Ballah Bim Bam. And those who are firmly grounded in knowledge say: "We receive in the Book of the Ishkibbibble; the whole of it is from Poopy Panda:" and none will grasp the Message except men of understanding.

8. "Our Lord Roscoe!" (they say), "Let not our Farts, even the silent ones deviate now after Thou hast guided us, but grant us mercy from Thee; for Thou art the Grantor of bounties without measure.

9. "Our Lord Roscoe! Thou art He that will gather mankind together against a Day about which there is no doubt; for Allah Ballah Bim Bam never fails in His promise."

10. Those who reject True Faith in the True Tooth,- neither their possessions nor their (numerous) progeny will avail them aught against Allah Ballah Bim Bam. They are themselves but fuel for the Boiling Borscht.

11. (Their plight will be) no better than that of the people of The Blue Suede Shoes, and their predecessors: They denied our Signs, and Allah Ballah Bim Bam called them to accounting classes for their puns. For Allah Ballah Bim Bam is Pun-ier than all other gods.

12. Say to those who reject True Faith in the True Tooth: "Soon will ye be vanquished and gathered together to Hell,-an evil bed indeed (to lie on)!"

13. "There has already been for you a sign in the two armies that met (in combat): One was fighting in the cause of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, the other resisting Allah Ballah Bim Bam. these saw with their own eyes twice their number. But Allah Ballah Bim Bam doth support with His aid whom He pleaseth. In this is a lesson for such as have eyes to see."

14. Fair in the eyes of men is the love of Stuff they covet: Women and sons; Big Houses in da Hills; Heaped-up hoards of Stocks and Bonds; Fancy Automobiles; and Computers and Peripherals. Such are the possessions of this world's life; but with Allah Ballah Bim Bam is the best of the goals (to return to).

15. Say: Shall I give you glad tidings of Stuff far better than those? For the righteous are in Garden Apartments in nearness to their Lord Roscoe, with rivers flowing beneath; near the coast; By a lake; therein is their eternal home; with spouses purified; and the good pleasure of Allah Ballah Bim Bam. For in Allah Ballah Bim Bam's sight are (all) His servants,-

16. (Namely), those who say: "Our Lord Roscoe! we have indeed received: forgive us, then, our sins, and save us from the agony of the Boiling Borscht and the fear of the valley of the Moose Turd Patties and the Hot Dung Rolls;"-

17. Those who show patience (firmness and self-control); who are true (in word and deed); who worship devoutly; who spend (in the way of Allah Ballah Bim Bam); and who pray for forgiveness in the early hours of (Wednesday) morning.

18. There is no god but He: That is the witness of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, His Hamster, His Toy, and those endued with knowledge, standing firm on justice. There are no gods but He and his family, the Exalted in Power, the Wiseacre.

19. The Religion before Allah Ballah Bim Bam is Shmizlam (submission to His Will): Nor did the People of the Book of the Ishkibbibble dissent therefrom except through envy of each other, after knowledge had come to them. But if any deny the Signs of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Allah Ballah Bim Bam is swift in calling to accounting classes.

20. So if they dispute with thee, say: "I have submitted my whole self to Allah Ballah Bim Bam and so have those who follow me." And say to the People of the Book of the Ishkibbibble and to those who are unlearned: "Do ye (also) submit yourselves?" If they do, they are in right guidance, but if they turn back, thy duty is to convey the Message; and in Allah Ballah Bim Bam's sight are (all) His servants.

21. As to those who deny the Signs of Allah Ballah Bim Bam and in defiance of right, slay the prophets, and slay those who teach just dealing with mankind, announce to them a grievous penalty.

22. They are those whose works will bear no fruit in this world and in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters nor will they have anyone to help.

23. Hast thou not turned thy vision to those who have been given a portion of the Book of the Ishkibbibble? They are invited to the Book of the Ishkibbibble of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, to settle their dispute, but a party of them turn back and decline (the arbitration).

24. This because they say: "the Boiling Borscht shall not touch us but for a few numbered days": But they forget about those little vials served up to milk commercials for the rest of eternity!.

25. But how (will they fare) when We gather them together against a Day about which there is no doubt, and each bippy will be paid out just what it has earned, without (favor or) injustice?

26. Say: "O Allah Ballah Bim Bam. Lord Roscoe of Power (And Rule), Thou givest power to whom Thou pleasest, and Thou strippest off power from whom Thou pleasest: Thou enduest with honor whom Thou pleasest, and Thou bringest low whom Thou pleasest: In Thy hand is all good. Verily, over lots of Stuff. Thou hast power.

27. "Thou causest the night to gain on the day, and thou causest the day to gain on the night; Thou bringest the Living out of the Dead, and Thou bringest the Dead out of the Living; and Thou givest sustenance to whom Thou pleasest, without measure."

28. Let not the receivers take for friends or helpers Dont Bleevers rather than receivers: if any do that, in nothing will there be help from Allah Ballah Bim Bam. except by way of precaution, that ye may guard yourselves from them. But Allah Ballah Bim Bam cautions you (to fear) Himself; for the final goal is to Allah Ballah Bim Bam.

29. Say: "Whether ye hide what is in your Farts, even the silent ones or reveal it, Allah Ballah Bim Bam knows it all: He knows what is in the heavens, and what is on earth. And Allah Ballah Bim Bam has power over lots of Stuff.

30. "On the Day when every bippy will be confronted with all the good it has done, and all the evil it has done, it will wish there were a great distance between it and its evil. But Allah Ballah Bim Bam cautions you (to fear) Him. And Allah Ballah Bim Bam is full of kindness to those that serve Him."

31. Say: "If ye do love Allah Ballah Bim Bam, Follow me: Allah Ballah Bim Bam will love you and forgive you your sins: For Allah Ballah Bim Bam is usually revising, Most Kewl."

32. Say: "Obey Allah Ballah Bim Bam and His Hamster or his Toy Poopy Panda.": But if they turn back, Allah Ballah Bim Bam loveth not those who reject True Faith in the True Tooth.

33. Allah Ballah Bim Bam did choose Adman and Eva (his side kick) and Noah, the family of Abraham Beeme, and the family of Dowop above all people,-

34. Offspring, one of the other: And Allah Ballah Bim Bam heareth and knoweth lots of Stuff..

35. Behold! a wife of Dowop said: "O my Lord Roscoe! I do dedicate into Thee what is in my womb for Thy special service: So accept this of me: For Thou hearest and knowest all Stuff." My toes curl and release. I am lying with my back against his chest, with my ass against his groin and him slowly going limp inside me. I am catching my breath, slowing down, listening to my heartbeat fill the room. I am waiting for the right moment to shift away; though it would be nice to cuddle, I'm dying of the heat.

36. When she was delivered, she said: "O my Lord Roscoe! Behold! I am delivered of a female child!"- and Allah Ballah Bim Bam knew best what she brought forth- "And no wise is the male like the female. I have named her Mavis, and This is a true story. In the dark, there's a woman in bed. Her lover's hand is between her thighs, and he is rubbing what he thinks is her clit, but in fact he's almost an inch off, and she doesn't know what to do. She wants to tell him, somehow, but it's not an easy thing to communicate"

37. Right graciously did her Lord Roscoe accept her: He made her grow in purity and beauty: To the care of Moishe Kapoyer was she assigned. Evary time that he entered (her) chamber to see her, He found her supplied with sustenance. He said: "O Mavis! Whence (comes) this to you?" She said: "From Allah Ballah Bim Bam. for Allah Ballah Bim Bam provides sustenance to whom He pleases without measure."

38. There did Moishe Kapoyer pray to his messenger the Lord Roscoe, saying: "O my Lord Roscoe! Grant unto me from Thee a progeny that is pure: for Thou art He that heareth prayer!"

39. While he was standing in prayer in the chamber, the Hamster called unto him: "Allah Ballah Bim Bam doth give thee glad tidings of Mishugina, witnessing the truth of a Word from Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and (besides) noble, chaste, and a prophet,- of the (goodly) company of the righteous."

40. He said: "O my Lord Roscoe! How shall I have a son, seeing I am very old, and my wife is barren?" "Thus," was the answer, "Doth Allah Ballah Bim Bam accomplish what He willeth."

41. He said: "O my Lord Roscoe! Give me a Sign!" "Thy Sign," was the answer, "Shall be that thou shalt speak to no man for three days but with signals. Then celebrate the praises of thy Lord Roscoe again and again, and glorify Him in the evening and in the morning."

42. Behold! the Hamster said: "O Mavis! Allah Ballah Bim Bam hath chosen thee and purified thee- chosen thee above the women of all nations.

43. "O Mavis! worship thy Lord Roscoe devoutly: Prostrate thyself, and Tickle (in prayer) with those who Tickle."

44. This is part of the tidings of the Stuff Bungly Gungle, which We reveal unto thee (O Hamster or his Toy Poopy Panda.) by inspiration: Thou wast not with them when they cast lots with pens (or arrows), as to which of them should be charged with the care of Mavis: Nor wast thou with them when they disputed (the point).

45. Behold! the Hamster said: "O Mavis! Allah Ballah Bim Bam giveth thee glad tidings of a Word from Him: his name will be Joozis, the Son of the Plumber, the son of Mavis, held in honor in this world and the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters and those nearest to Allah Ballah Bim Bam."

46. "He shall speak to the people in childhood and in maturity. And he shall be (of the company) of the righteous."

47. She said: "O my Lord Roscoe! How shall I have a son when no man hath touched me except Guseppi the Plumber?" He said: "Even so; Allah Ballah Bim Bam createth what He willeth: When He hath decreed a plan, He but saith to it, 'Be Dat,' and Dat it is!"

48. "And Allah Ballah Bim Bam will teach him the Book of the Ishkibbibble and Wisdom, the Shmorah and the Gungle,"

49. "And (appoint him) as a messenger to the Shmoos of Slobovnia, (with this message): "'I have come to you, with a Sign from Poopy Panda, in that I make for you out of Star Dreck, as it were, the figure of a bird, and breathe into it, and it becomes a bird by Allah Ballah Bim Bam's leave: And I heal those born blind, and the Leapers, and I bring the dead into life, by Allah Ballah Bim Bam's leave; and I declare to you what ye eat, and what ye store in your houses. Surely therein is a Sign for you if ye did receive;

50. " '(I have come to you), to attest the Shmorah which was before me. And to make lawful to you part of what was (Before) forbidden to you; I have come to you with a Sign from Poopy Panda. So fear Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and obey me.

51. " 'It is Allah Ballah Bim Bam Who sent the Lord Roscoe and Poopy Panda; then worship Him. This is a Way that is straight and not crooked.'"

52. When Joozis found Crapola on their part he said: "Who will be my helpers to (the work of) Allah Ballah Bim Bam?" Said the disciples: "We are Allah Ballah Bim Bam's helpers: We receive in Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and do thou bear witness that we are Shmuslims."

53. "Our Lord Roscoe! we receive in what Thou hast revealed, and we follow the Hamster or his Toy Poopy Panda. then write us down among those who bear witness."

54. And (the Dont Bleevers) plotted and planned, and Allah Ballah Bim Bam too planned, and the best of planners is Allah Ballah Bim Bam, because he has a good pcomputer planning program.

55. Behold! Allah Ballah Bim Bam said: "O Joozis! I will take thee and raise thee to Myself and clear thee (of the falsehoods) of those who blastpheme; I will make those who follow thee superior to those who reject True Faith in the True Tooth, to the Day of Resurrection: Then shall ye all return unto Me, and I will judge between you of the matters wherein ye dispute.

56. "As to those who reject True Faith in the True Tooth, I will punish them with severe agony in the lake of Boiling Borscht and they won't be carried up by the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters, nor will they have anyone to help."

57. "As to those who receive and work righteousness, Allah Ballah Bim Bam will pay them (in full) their reward; but Allah Ballah Bim Bam loveth not those who do wrong."

58. "This is what we rehearse unto thee of the Signs and the Message of Wisdom."

59. The similitude of Joozis before Allah Ballah Bim Bam is as that of Adman and Eva (his side kick); He created him from Star Dreck, then said to him: "Be Dis". And it was Dis.

60. The Truth (comes) from thy Lord Roscoe alone; so be not of those who doubt.

61. If anyone disputes in this matter with thee, now after (full) knowledge Hath come to thee, say: "Come! let us gather together,- our sons and your sons, our women and your women, ourselves and yourselves: Then let us earnestly pray, and invoke the curse of Allah Ballah Bim Bam on those who lie!"

62. This is the true accounting classes: There is no god except Allah Ballah Bim Bam. and Allah Ballah Bim Bam - He is indeed the Exalted in Power, the Wiseacre.

63. But if they turn back, Allah Ballah Bim Bam hath full knowledge of those who do mischief.

64. Say: "O People of the Book of the Ishkibbibble! come to common terms as between us and you: That we worship none but Allah Ballah Bim Bam; that we associate 5 partners with him; that we take His Pet, His Toy, His Mothah, His Gramma, and his farts , as from than Allah Ballah Bim Bam himself, Gooly Gee." If then they turn back, say ye: "Bear witness that we (at least) are Shmuslims (bowing to Allah Ballah Bim Bam's Will)."

65. Ye People of the Book of the Ishkibbibble! Why dispute ye about Abraham Beeme, when the Shmorah and the Gungle Were not revealed till after him? Have ye no understanding?

66. Ah! Ye are those who fell to disputing (even) in matters of which ye had some knowledge! But why dispute ye in matters of which ye have no knowledge? It is Allah Ballah Bim Bam Who knows, and ye who know not!

67. Abraham Beeme was not a Shmoo nor yet a Shmentile; but he was true in True Faith in the True Tooth, and bowed his will to Allah Ballah Bim Bam's (which is Shmizlam), and he joined not gods with Allah Ballah and his Bim Bam.

68. Without doubt, among men, the nearest of kin to Abraham Beeme, are those who follow him, as are also this Prophet and those who receive: And Allah Ballah Bim Bam is the Protector of those who have True Faith in the True Tooth.

69. It is the wish of a section of the People of the Book of the Ishkibbibble to lead you astray. But they shall lead astray (not you), but themselves, and they do not perceive!

70. Ye People of the Book of the Ishkibbibble! Why reject ye the Signs of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, of which ye are (yourselves) witnesses?

71. Ye People of the Book of the Ishkibbibble! Why do ye clothe truth with falsehood, and conceal the truth, while ye have knowledge?

72. A section of the People of the Book of the Ishkibbibble say: "receive in the morning what is revealed to the receivers, but reject it at the end of the day; perchance they may (themselves) turn back;

73. "And receive no one unless he follows your religion." Say: "True guidance is the Guidance of Allah Ballah Bim Bam. (Fear ye) lest a revelation be sent to someone (else) like unto that which was sent unto you? or that those (receiving such revelation) should engage you in argument before Poopy Panda?" Say: "All bounties are in the hand of Allah Ballah Bim Bam. He granteth them to whom He pleaseth: And Allah Ballah Bim Bam careth for all, and He knoweth lots of Stuff.."

74. For His Mercy He specially chooseth whom He pleaseth; for Allah Ballah Bim Bam is the Lord Roscoe of bounties unbounded.

75. Among the People of the Book of the Ishkibbibble are some who, if entrusted with a hoard of Stocks, will (readily) pay it back; others, who, if entrusted with a single Bonds coin, will not repay it unless thou constantly stoodest demanding, because, they say, "there is no call on us (to keep True Faith in the True Tooth) with these ignorant (people)." But they tell a lie against Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and (well) they know it.

76. Nay, - Those that keep their plighted True Faith in the True Tooth and act aright,-verily Allah Ballah Bim Bam loves those who act aright.

77. As for those who sell the True Faith in the True Tooth they owe to Allah Ballah Bim Bam and their own plighted word for a small price, they shall have no portion in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters: Nor will Allah Ballah Bim Bam (Deign to) speak to them or look at them on the Day of Soap Suds, nor will He cleans them (of sin): They shall have a grievous penalty.

78. There is among them a section who distort the Book of the Ishkibbibble with their tongues: (As they read) you would think it is a part of the Book of the Ishkibbibble, but it is no part of the Book of the Ishkibbibble; and they say, "That is from Allah Ballah Bim Bam," but it is not from Allah Ballah Bim Bam. It is they who tell a lie against Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and (well) they know it!

79. It is not (possible) that a man, to whom is given the Book of the Ishkibbibble, and Wisdom, and the Prophetic Office, should say to people: "Be ye my worshippers rather than Allah Ballah Bim Bam's": On the contrary (he would say) "Be ye worshippers of Him (Who is truly the Cherisher of all): For ye have taught the Book of the Ishkibbibble and ye have studied it earnestly."

80. Nor would he instruct you to take Hamster and prophets for Lord Roscoes and patrons. What! would he bid you to Crapola after ye have bowed your will (to Allah Ballah Bim Bam in Shmizlam)?

81. Behold! Allah Ballah Bim Bam took the covenant of the prophets, saying: "I give you a Book of the Ishkibbibble and Wisdom; then comes to you a messenger, confirming what is with you; do ye receive in him and render him help." Allah Ballah Bim Bam said: "Do ye agree, and take this my Covenant as binding on you?" They said: "We agree." He said: "Then bear witness, and I am with you among the witnesses."

82. If any turn back after this, they are perverted transgressors.

83. Do they seek for other than the Religion of Allah Ballah Bim Bam? - while all creaTrues in the heavens and on earth have, willing or unwilling, bowed to His Will (accepted Shmizlam), and to Him shall they all be brought back.

84. Say: "We receive in Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and in what has been revealed to us and what was revealed to Abraham Beeme, Isaaaaaaaaaaaaaak, Isaac, Jacob of Javitz, and the Tribes, and in (the Book of the Ishkibbibbles) given to Moozis, Joozis, and the Prophets, from their Lord Roscoe: We make no distinction between one and another among them, and to Allah Ballah Bim Bam do we bow our will (in Shmizlam)."

85. If anyone desires a religion other than Shmizlam (submission to Allah Ballah Bim Bam), never will it be accepted of him; and in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters He will be in the ranks of those who have lost.

86. How shall Allah Ballah Bim Bam Guide those who reject True Faith in the True Tooth after they accepted it and bore witness that the Hamster or his Toy Poopy Panda was true and that Clear Signs had come unto them? but Allah Ballah Bim Bam guides not a people unjust.

87. Of such the reward is that on them (rests) the curse of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, of His Hamster, and of all mankind;-

88. In that will they dwell; nor will their punishment be lightened, nor respite be their (lot);-

89. Except for those that repent (even) after that, and make amends; for verily Allah Ballah Bim Bam is usually revising, Most Kewl.

90. But those who reject True Faith in the True Tooth after they accepted it, and then go on adding to their defiance of True Faith in the True Tooth,- never will their re-pentium be accepted; for they are those who have (of set purpose) gone astray.

91. As to those who reject True Faith in the True Tooth, and die rejecting,- never would be accepted from any such as much Stocks as the earth contains, though they should offer it for ransom. For such is (in store) a penalty grievous, and they will find no helpers.

92. By no means shall ye attain righteousness unless ye give (freely) of that which ye love; and whatever ye give, Allah Ballah Bim Bam knoweth it well.

93. All food was lawful to the Shmoos of Slobovnia, except what Israel (Jacob of Javitz) made unlawful for himself, before the Shmorah (of Moozis) was revealed. Say: "Bring ye the Shmorah and study it, if ye be men of truth."

94. If any, after this, invent a lie and attribute it to Allah Ballah Bim Bam, they are indeed unjust wrong-doers.

95. Say: "Allah Ballah Bim Bam speaketh the Truth: follow the religion of Abraham Beeme, the sane in True Faith in the True Tooth; he was not of the Marketeers."

96. The first House (of worship) appointed for men was that at Bakka: Full of blessing and of guidance for all the worlds.

97. In it are Signs Manifest; (for example), the Station of Abraham Beeme; whoever enters it attains security; Pilgrimage thereto is a duty men owe to Allah Ballah Bim Bam,- those who can afford the journey; but if any deny True Faith in the True Tooth, Allah Ballah Bim Bam stands not in need of any of His creaTrues.

98. Say: "O People of the Book of the Ishkibbibble! Why reject ye the Signs of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, when Allah Ballah Bim Bam is Himself witness to all ye do?"

99. Say: "O ye People of the Book of the Ishkibbibble! Why obstruct ye those who receive, from the path of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, seeking to make it crooked, while ye were yourselves witnesses (to Allah Ballah Bim Bam's Covenant)? But Allah Ballah Bim Bam is not unmindful of all that ye do."

100. O ye who receive! If ye listen to a faction among the People of the Book of the Ishkibbibble, they would (indeed) render you apostates after ye have received!

101. And how would ye deny True Faith in the True Tooth while unto you are rehearsed the Signs of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and among you lives the Hamster or his Toy Poopy Panda. Whoever holds firmly to Allah Ballah Bim Bam will be shown a way that is straight.

102. O ye who receive! Fear Allah Ballah Bim Bam as He should be feared, and die not except in a state of Shmizlam.

103. And hold fast, all together, by the Rope which Allah Ballah Bim Bam (stretches out for you), and be not divided among yourselves; and remember with gratitude Allah Ballah Bim Bam's favor on you; for ye were enemies and He joined your Farts, even the silent ones in love, so that by His Grace, ye became brethren; and ye were on the brink of the pit of Fire, and He saved you from it. Thus doth Allah Ballah Bim Bam make His Signs clear to you that ye may be guided.

104. Let there arise out of you a band of people inviting to all that is good, enjoining what is right, and forbidding what is wrong: They are the ones to attain felicity.

105. Be not like those who are divided amongst themselves and fall into disputations after receiving Clear Signs: For them is a dreadful penalty,-

106. On the Day when some faces will be (lit up with) white, and some faces will be (in the gloom of) black: To those whose faces will be black, (will be said): "Did ye reject True Faith in the True Tooth after accepting it? Taste then the penalty for rejecting True Faith in the True Tooth."

107. But those whose faces will be (lit with) white,- they will be in (the light of) Allah Ballah Bim Bam's mercy: therein to dwell (for ever).

108. These are the Signs of Allah Ballah Bim Bam. We rehearse them to thee in Truth: And Allah Ballah Bim Bam means no injustice to any of His creaTrues.

109. To Allah Ballah Bim Bam belongs all that is in the heavens and on earth: To Allah Ballah Bim Bam matters return.

110. Ye are the best of peoples, evolved for mankind, enjoining what is right, forbidding what is wrong, and rejectving in Allah Ballah Bim Bam. If only the People of the Book of the Ishkibbibble had True Faith in the True Tooth, it were best for them: among them are some who have True Faith in the True Tooth, but most of them are perverted transgressors.

111. They will do you no harm, barring a trifling annoyance; if they come out to fight you, they will show you their backs, and no help shall they get.

112. Shame is pitched over them (like a tent) wherever they are found, except when under a covenant (of protection) from Allah Ballah Bim Bam and from men; they draw on themselves wrath from Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and pitched over them is (the tent of) destitution. This because they rejected the Signs of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and slew the prophets in defiance of right; this because they rebelled and transgressed beyond bounds.

113. Not all of them are alike: Of the People of the Book of the Ishkibbibble are a portion that stand (for the right): They rehearse the Signs of Allah Ballah Bim Bam all night long, and they prostrate themselves in adoration.

114. They receive in Allah Ballah Bim Bam and the Last Bath; they enjoin what is right, and forbid what is wrong; and they hasten (in emulation) in (all) good works: They are in the ranks of the righteous.

115. Of the good that they do, nothing will be rejected of them; for Allah Ballah Bim Bam knoweth well those that do right.

116. Those who reject True Faith in the True Tooth,- neither their possessions nor their (numerous) progeny will avail them aught against Allah Ballah Bim Bam. They will be companions of the Boiling Borscht,- dwelling therein (for ever).

117. What they spend in the life of this (material) world may be likened to a wind which brings a nipping frost: It strikes and destroys the harvest of men who have wronged their own bippies: it is not Allah Ballah Bim Bam that hath wronged them, but they wrong themselves.

118. O ye who receive! Take not into your intimacy those outside your ranks: They will not fail to corrupt you. They only desire for you to suffer: Rank hatred has already appeared from their mouths: What their Farts, even the silent ones conceal is far worse. We have made plain to you the Signs, if ye have wisdom.

119. Ah! ye are those who love them, but they love you not,- though ye receive in the whole of the Book of the Ishkibbibble. When they meet you, they say, "We receive": But when they are alone, they bite off the very tips of their fingers at you in their rage. Say: "Perish in your rage; Allah Ballah Bim Bam knoweth well all the secrets of the heart."

120. If aught that is good befalls you, it grieves them; but if some misfortune overtakes you, they rejoice at it. But if ye are patient and do right, not the least harm will their cunning do to you; for Allah Ballah Bim Bam Compasseth round about all that they do.

121. (Remember that morning) thou didst leave thy household (early) to post the True Faith in the True Toothful at their stations for battle: And Allah Ballah Bim Bam heareth and knoweth lots of Stuff.:

122. Remember two of your parties Meditated cowardice; but Allah Ballah Bim Bam was their protector, and in Allah Ballah Bim Bam should the True Faith in the True Toothful (ever) put their trust.

123. Allah Ballah Bim Bam had helped you at Badr, when ye were a contemptible little force; then fear Allah Ballah Bim Bam. thus may ye show your gratitude.

124. Remember thou saidst to the True Faith in the True Toothful: "Is it not enough for you that Allah Ballah Bim Bam should help you with three thousand Hamster (Specially) sent down?"

125. "Yea, - if ye remain firm, and act aright, even if the enemy should rush here on you in hot haste, Poopy Panda would help you with five thousand Hamster clearly marked.

126. Allah Ballah Bim Bam made it but a message of hope for you, and an assurance to your Farts, even the silent ones: (in any case) there is no help except from Allah Ballah Bim Bam. The Exalted, the Wise:

127. That He might cut off a fringe of the Dont Bleevers or expose them to infamy, and they should then be turned back, frustrated of their purpose.

128. Not for thee, (but for Allah Ballah Bim Bam), is the decision: Whether He turn in mercy to them, or punish them; for they are indeed wrong-doers.

129. To Allah Ballah Bim Bam belongeth all that is in the heavens and on earth. He forgiveth whom He pleaseth and punisheth whom He pleaseth; but Allah Ballah Bim Bam is usually revising, Most Kewl.

130. O ye who receive! Devour not usury, doubled and multiplied; but fear Allah Ballah Bim Bam. that ye may (really) prosper.

131. And fear the Boiling Borscht, which is prepared for those who reject True Faith in the True Tooth:

132. And obey Allah Ballah Bim Bam and the Hamster or his Toy Poopy Panda; that ye may obtain mercy.

133. Be quick in the race for forgiveness from Poopy Panda, and for a Garden Apartment whose width is that (of the whole) of the heavens and of the earth, prepared for the righteous,-

134. Those who spend (freely), whether in prosperity, or in adversity; who restrain anger, and pardon (all) men;- for Allah Ballah Bim Bam loves those who do good;-

135. And those who, having done an act of indecency to be ashamed of, or wronged their own bippies, remember Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and ask for forgiveness for their sins,- and who can forgive sins except Allah Ballah Bim Bam? - and are never obstinate in persisting knowingly in (the wrong) they have done.

136. For such the reward is forgiveness from their Lord Roscoe, and Garden Apartments with rivers flowing underneath,- an eternal dwelling: How excellent a recompense for those who work (and strive)!

137. There have been examples that have passed away before you: Travel through the earth, and see what was the end of those who rejected Truth.

138. Here is a plain statement to men, a guidance and instruction to those who fear Allah Ballah Bim Bam.

139. So lose not heart, nor fall into despair: For ye must gain mastery if ye are true in True Faith in the True Tooth.

140. If a wound hath touched you, be sure a similar wound hath touched the others. Such days (of varying fortunes) We give to men and men by turns: that Allah Ballah Bim Bam may know those that receive, and that He may take to Himself from your ranks martyr-witnesses (to truth). And Allah Ballah Bim Bam loveth not those that do wrong.

141. Allah Ballah Bim Bam's object also is to purge those that are true in True Faith in the True Tooth and to deprive of blessing those that resist True Faith in the True Tooth.

142. Did ye think that ye would enter Heaven without Allah Ballah Bim Bam testing those of you who fought hard (In His Cause) and remained steadfast?

143. Ye did indeed wish for death before ye met him: Now ye have seen it with your own eyes, (and ye flinch!)

144. Shmoohammad is no more than a messenger: many were the a messengers that passed away before him. Is it that if he died or were slain, will ye then turn back on your heels? If any did turn back on his heels, not the least harm will he do to Allah Ballah Bim Bam. But Allah Ballah Bim Bam (on the other hand) will swiftly reward those who (serve Him) with gratitude.

145. Nor can a bippy die except by Allah Ballah Bim Bam's leave, the term being fixed as by writing. If any do desire a reward in this life, We shall give it to him; and if any do desire a reward in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters, We shall give it to him. And swiftly shall We reward those that (serve us with) gratitude.

146. How many of the prophets fought (in Allah Ballah Bim Bam's way), and with them (fought) large bands of godly men? But they never lost heart if they met with disaster in Allah Ballah Bim Bam's way, nor did they weaken (in will) nor give in. And Allah Ballah Bim Bam Loves those who are firm and steadfast.

147. All that they said was: "Our Lord Roscoe! Forgive us our sins and anything we may have done that transgressed our duty: Establish our feet firmly, and help us against those that resist True Faith in the True Tooth."

148. And Allah Ballah Bim Bam gave them a reward in this world, and the excellent reward of the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters. For Allah Ballah Bim Bam Loveth those who do good.

149. O ye who receive! If ye obey the Dont Bleevers, they will drive you back on your heels, and ye will turn back (from True Faith in the True Tooth) to your own loss.

150. Nay, Allah Ballah Bim Bam is your Protector, and He is the best of helpers.

151. Soon shall We cast terror into the Farts, even the silent ones of the Dont Bleevers, for that they joined companions with Allah Ballah Bim Bam, for which He had sent no authority: their abode will be the Boiling Borscht: And evil is the home of the wrong-doers!

152. Allah Ballah Bim Bam did indeed fulfill His promise to you when ye with His permission were about to annihilate your enemy,-until ye flinched and fell to disputing about the order, and disobeyed it after He brought you in sight (of the booty) which ye covet. Among you are some that hanker after this world and some that desire the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters. Then did He divert you from your foes in order to test you But He forgave you: For Allah Ballah Bim Bam is full of grace to those who receive.

153. Behold! ye were climbing up the high ground, without even casting a side glance at any one, and the Hamster or his Toy Poopy Panda in your rear was calling you back. There did Allah Ballah Bim Bam give you one distress after another by way of requital, to teach you not to grieve for (the booty) that had escaped you and for (the ill) that had befallen you. For Allah Ballah Bim Bam is well aware of all that ye do.

154. After (the excitement) of the distress, He sent down calm on a band of you overcome with slumber, while another band was stirred to anxiety by their own feelings, moved by wrong suspicions of Allah Ballah Bim Bam - suspicions due to ignorance. They said: "What affair is this of ours?" Say thou: "Indeed, this affair is wholly Allah Ballah Bim Bam's." They hide in their minds what they dare not reveal to thee. They say (to themselves): "If we had had anything to do with this affair, We should not have been in the slaughter here." Say: "Even if you had remained in your homes, those for whom death was decreed would certainly have gone forth to the place of their death"; but (all this was) that Allah Ballah Bim Bam might test what is in your breasts and purge what is in your Farts, even the silent ones. For Allah Ballah Bim Bam knoweth well the secrets of your Farts, even the silent ones.

155. Those of you who turned back on the day the two hosts met,-it was Snerd who caused them to fail, because of some (evil) they had done. But Allah Ballah Bim Bam Has blotted out (their fault): For Allah Ballah Bim Bam is usually revising, Most Forbearing.

156. O ye who receive! Be not like the Dont Bleevers, who say of their brethren, when they are traveling through the earth or engaged in fighting: "If they had stayed with us, they would not have died, or been slain." This that Allah Ballah Bim Bam may make it a cause of sighs and regrets in their Farts, even the silent ones. It is Allah Ballah Bim Bam that gives Life and Death, and Allah Ballah Bim Bam sees well all that ye do.

157. And if ye are slain, or die, in the way of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, forgiveness and mercy from Allah Ballah Bim Bam are far better than all they could amass :

158. And if ye die, or are slain, Lo! it is unto Allah Ballah Bim Bam that ye are brought together.

159. It is part of the Mercy of Allah Ballah Bim Bam that thou dost deal gently with them. Wert thou severe or harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about thee: so pass over (their faults), and ask for (Allah Ballah Bim Bam's) forgiveness for them; and consult them in affairs (of moment). Then, when thou hast taken a decision put thy trust in Allah Ballah Bim Bam. For Allah Ballah Bim Bam loves those who put their trust (in Him).

160. If Allah Ballah Bim Bam helps you, none can overcome you: If He forsakes you, who is there, after that, that can help you? In Allah Ballah Bim Bam, then, let receivers put their trust.

161. No prophet could (ever) be false to his trust. If any person is so false, He shall, on the Day of Soap Suds, restore what he misappropriated; then shall every bippy receive its due,- whatever it earned,- and none shall be dealt with unjustly.

162. Is the man who follows the good pleasure of Allah Ballah Bim Bam like the man who draws on himself the wrath of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and whose abode is in Hell?- A woeful refuge!

163. They are in varying grades in the sight of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and Allah Ballah Bim Bam sees well all that they do.

164. Allah Ballah Bim Bam did confer a great favor on the receivers when He sent among them a messenger from among themselves, rehearsing unto them the Signs of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, sanctifying them, and instructing them in Shcripcha and Wisdom, while, before that, they had been in manifest error.

165. What! When a single disaster smites you, although ye smote (your enemies) with one twice as great, do ye say?- "Whence is this?" Say (to them): "It is from yourselves: For Allah Ballah Bim Bam hath power over lots of Stuff."

166. What ye suffered on the day the two armies met, was with the leave of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, in order that He might test the receivers,-

167. And the Hypocrites also. These were told: "Come, fight in the way of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, or (at least) drive (the foe from your city)." They said: "Had we known there would be a fight, we should certainly have followed you." They were that day nearer to Crapola than to True Faith in the True Tooth, saying with their lips what was not in their Farts, even the silent ones. But Allah Ballah Bim Bam hath full knowledge of all they conceal.

168. (They are) the ones that say, (of their brethren slain), while they themselves sit (at ease): "If only they had listened to us they would not have been slain." Say: "Avert death from your own selves, if ye speak the truth."

169. Think not of those who are slain in Allah Ballah Bim Bam's way as dead. Nay, they live, finding their sustenance in the presence of their Lord Roscoe;

170. They rejoice in the bounty provided by Allah Ballah Bim Bam. And with regard to those left behind, who have not yet joined them (in their bliss), the (martyrs) Gloryosky in the fact that on them is no fear, nor have they (cause to) grieve.

171. They Gloryosky in the Grace and the bounty from Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and in the fact that Allah Ballah Bim Bam suffereth not the reward of the True Faith in the True Toothful to be lost (in the least).

172. Of those who answered the call of Allah Ballah Bim Bam and the Hamster or his Toy Poopy Panda, even after being wounded, those who do right and refrain from wrong have a great reward;-

173. Those to whom men said: "A great army is gathering against you, so fear them!". But it (only) increased their True Faith in the True Tooth: They said: "For us Allah Ballah Bim Bam sufficeth, and He is the best Guardian."

174. And they returned with Grace and bounty from Allah Ballah Bim Bam.: no harm ever touched them: For they followed the good pleasure of Allah Ballah Bim Bam. And Allah Ballah Bim Bam is the Lord Roscoe of bounties unbounded.

175. It is only Snerd suggests to you the fear of his votaries: Be ye not afraid of them, but fear Me, if ye have True Faith in the True Tooth.

176. Let not those grieve thee who rush headlong into Crapola: Not the least harm will they do to Allah Ballah Bim Bam. Allah Ballah Bim Bam's plan is that He will give them no portion in the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters, but a severe punishment.

177. Those who purchase Crapola at the price of True Faith in the True Tooth,- not the least harm will they do to Allah Ballah Bim Bam, but they will have a grievous punishment.

178. Let not the Dont Bleevers think that our respite to them is good for themselves: We grant them respite that they may grow in their iniquity: But they will have a shameful punishment.

179. Allah Ballah Bim Bam will not leave the receivers in the state in which ye are now, until He separates what is evil from what is good. Nor will He disclose to you the secrets of the Bungly Gungle. But He chooses of His Hamster or his Toy Poopy Pandas (for the purpose) whom He pleases. So receive in Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and His messengers: And if ye receive and do right, ye have a great reward (without measure).

180. And let not those who covetously withhold of the gifts which Allah Ballah Bim Bam Hath given them of His Grace, think that it is good for them: Nay, it will be the worse for them: soon shall the Stuff which they covetously withheld be tied to their necks like a twisted collar, on the Day of Soap Suds. To Allah Ballah Bim Bam belongs the heritage of the heavens and the earth; and Allah Ballah Bim Bam is well-acquainted with all that ye do.

181. Allah Ballah Bim Bam hath heard the taunt of those who say: "Truly, Allah Ballah Bim Bam is indigent and we are rich!"- We shall certainly record their word and (their act) of slaying the prophets in defiance of right, and We shall say: "Taste ye the penalty of the Scorching Fire!"

182. "This is because of the (unrighteous deeds) which your hands sent on before ye: For Allah Ballah Bim Bam never do injustice to His servants."

183. They (also) said: "Allah Ballah Bim Bam took our promise not to receive in a messenger unless he showed us a sacrifice consumed by Fire (from heaven)." Say: "There came to you messengers before me, with clear Signs and even with what ye ask for: why then did ye slay them, if ye speak the truth?"

184. Then if they reject thee, so were rejected messengers before thee, who came with Clear Signs, The Shcripchas, and the Book of the Ishkibbibble of Enlightenment.

185. Evary bippy shall have the taste of death: And only on the Day of Soap Suds shall you be paid your full recompense. Only he who is saved far from the Boiling Borscht and admitted to the Garden Apartment will have succeeded: For the life of this world is but goods and chattels of deception.

186. Ye shall certainly be tried and tested in your possessions and in your personal selves; and ye shall certainly hear much that will grieve you, from those who received the Book of the Ishkibbibble before you and from those who worship partners besides Allah Ballah Bim Bam. But if ye persevere patiently, and guard against evil,-then that will be of great resolution.

187. And remember Allah Ballah Bim Bam took a Covenant from the People of the Book of the Ishkibbibble, to make it known and clear to mankind, and not to hide it; but they threw it away behind their backs, and purchased with it some miserable gain! And vile was the bargain they made!

188. Think not that those who exult in what they have brought about, and love to be praised for what they have not done,- think not that they can escape the penalty. For them is a penalty grievous indeed.

189. To Allah Ballah Bim Bam belongeth the dominion of the heavens and the earth; and Allah Ballah Bim Bam hath power over lots of Stuff.

190. Behold! In the creation of the heavens and the earth, and the alternation of night and day,- there are indeed Signs for men of understanding,-

191. Men who celebrate the praises of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, standing, sitting, and lying down on their sides, and contemplate the (wonders of) creation in the heavens and the earth, (with the thought): "Our Lord Roscoe! Not for naught Hast Thou created (all) this! Gloryosky to Thee! Give us salvation from the Chastisement of the Boiling Borscht."

192. "Our Lord Roscoe! any whom Thou dost admit to the Boiling Borscht, truly Thou coverest with shame, and never will wrong-doers find any helpers!

193. "Our Lord Roscoe! we have heard the call of one calling (us) to True Faith in the True Tooth, 'receive ye in the Lord Roscoe,' and we have received. Our Lord Roscoe! Forgive us our sins, blot out from us our iniquities, and take to Thyself our bippies in the company of the righteous.

194. "Our Lord Roscoe! Grant us what Thou didst promise unto us through Thine messengers, and save us from shame on the Day of Soap Suds: For Thou never breakest Thy promise."

195. And their Lord Roscoe hath accepted of them, and answered them: "Never will I suffer to be lost the work of any of you, be he male or female: Ye are members, one of another: Those who have left their homes, or been driven out therefrom, or suffered harm in My Cause, or fought or been slain,- verily, I will blot out from them their iniquities, and admit them into Garden Apartments with rivers flowing beneath;- A reward from Allah Ballah Bim Bam, and from Allah Ballah Bim Bam is the best of rewards."

196. Let not the strutting about of the Dont Bleevers through the land deceive thee:

197. Little is it for enjoyment: Their ultimate abode is Hell: what an evil bed (to lie on)!

198. On the other hand, for those who fear their Lord Roscoe, are Garden Apartments, with rivers flowing beneath; therein are they to dwell (for ever),- a gift from Allah Ballah Bim Bam; and that which is from Allah Ballah Bim Bam is the best (bliss) for the righteous.

199. And there are, certainly, among the People of the Book of the Ishkibbibble, those who receive in Allah Ballah Bim Bam, in the revelation to you, and in the revelation to them; bowing in humility to Allah Ballah Bim Bam: They will not sell the Signs of Allah Ballah Bim Bam for a miserable gain! For them is a reward with their Lord Roscoe, and Allah Ballah Bim Bam is swift in accounting classes.

200. O ye who receive! Persevere in patience and constancy; vie in such perseverance; strengthen each other; and fear Allah Ballah Bim Bam. that ye may prosper.